i don't see any future

[theloserestloser]

ive been lowkey suicidal since i was 14 (im 22 now) but never eally made plans? i mean i thought of them (and told my therapist and had to go spend 8 days in the psych ward). but they weren't serious. and they're still not really serious but i wish i would get the guts to do it. does that make sense idk.

im autistic and haven't had friends in year. ive never fit in. i had no friends in high school. i went to college to a place i thought id fit in at... that didn't happen. the only people whjo talk to me are men who get really creepy really fast. i finally gave in to one of them now, meaning ive had one friend in the past decade, but im getting tired of letting him do whatever he wants.

but my real issue other than knowing im going to be alone forever unless i let men have what they want is that im about to garduate with a degree i despise and im going to have to go back to living with my parents. i can't drive and we don't live near any bus stops or anything so im going to be trapped at home until i get a job (which ill probably hate considering i hate my field). they have so many rules bc theyr'e super strict and religious. idk this doesn't sound too bad when im trying to express it but im really dreading it. like why should i even bother studying when that's all i have to look forward to.

i jsut don't think ill ever be happy and im dreading any more days alive

 

[FuneralCry]

I dread every day and I also do not see a future for myself. I know that it can be awful living a miserable life. I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Darkover]

there's no future for any of us here one day we surely die and return to dust whats there to be happy about.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Many people end up working in something that is not their field, these days people just want to see that you are smart enough to get a degree. I'd recommend learning to drive as soon as you can, considering this will help you get a job your parents should be willing to help you there.

Have you tried reaching out to other autistic people.... I have few friendships but the ones I have are with fellow autistic people

 

[OldDrummer]

Hear your pain. I'm in my early 50's now, recently diagnosed autistic, masked and scripted all my life to the point that I have one undergrad degree and three masters degrees.

Never really had close male friends, but had lots of female partners, because of my scripting I could become the person that they wanted, but it wasn't me.

Strip the onion skins off, embrace your true self, and start from there. I wish someone had said that to me at your age.

 

[waitingforrest]

Same boat here. The college is a fresh start saying is a lie. Nothing changed and the only thing I discovered about myself is how pathetic I am. And this time I have to pay to attend with my tormentors, so I quit.

I never really had many close friends, but don't let them take advantage of you. I learned the hard way that it's better to be alone than be manipulated by a "friend"

I truly do feel like I am going to be alone forever as well. A degree and a job can't ever get me what I want in life.

It's draining to live with parents, especially strict ones. My parents never take the blame when it is their fault so they blame me, and when I blame them, they get furious. It's like being treated like a child even though I am a adult.

I think that you aren't over reacting. It really is a bad situation to be in. I would feel hopeless as well, heck some of those are the reasons I feel hopeless.

 

[theloserestloser]

Many people end up working in something that is not their field, these days people just want to see that you are smart enough to get a degree. I'd recommend learning to drive as soon as you can, considering this will help you get a job your parents should be willing to help you there.

Have you tried reaching out to other autistic people.... I have few friendships but the ones I have are with fellow autistic people

unforutnately i haven't fit in well in autistic spaces.. they too think i'm too weird or i say the wrong things and people get offended

 

[Al Cappella]

You're certainly not alone in how you feel, and I quite expect it resonates with a lot of ppl. I'm not autistic, but have never fit in either. Ppl always thought something was "off", like I'm a serial killer or something. Too intense, I got that a lot. So is there a future? Not really, no. I mean we all end up as landfill, best you can hope for is a scenic ride to the dump.