Help I don't know what to do now (need urgent help or opinions)

[bungalooping]

I have a flight in six hours, I spent the last three weeks in my home country, I traveled only to CTB, I had planned to go with full suspension hanging, but unfortunately I have NEVER had the opportunity of being alone at home so I can execute it, so I once again experimented with partial, but to no success.

Now I have to go back again to France for my studies, my flight is in six hours, and I just cannot do it, I can't go back, I wasn't supposed to be alive until now, I can't go back to school, it's so mentally exhausting, at least here I can have some peace.

But then again if I don't go, my family will be way more cautious with me (as they already know my suicidal past), and it could potentially sabotage my suicidal plans, although they won't put me in an asylum that's for sure.

So what do I do? Go back to France for "studies", and rot there until the april spring break when I can book a flight and try CTB again? Because one thing is for sure, I cannot attend any classes now, and I cannot go sit any exams. I'm too drained.

Tell me what you think.

 

[iw2begone]

Go back home instead and tell them you can't? Will that not work?

 

[SVEN]

Miss your flight saying you have an upset stomach ? Is that possible ? It could possibly gain you a few days to settle down a bit and think things through.

 

[bungalooping]

Miss your flight saying you have an upset stomach ? Is that possible ? It could possibly gain you a few days to settle down a bit and think things through.

The stomach excuse isn't really valid, if I want to miss the flight and stay, I gotta address the elephant in the room.

Go back home instead and tell them you can't? Will that not work?

It will but it also means awkwardness overall, and they will force me to go to a therapist and more.

 

[fly]

I have a flight in six hours, I spent the last three weeks in my home country, I traveled only to CTB, I had planned to go with full suspension hanging, but unfortunately I have NEVER had the opportunity of being alone at home so I can execute it, so I once again experimented with partial, but to no success.

Now I have to go back again to France for my studies, my flight is in six hours, and I just cannot do it, I can't go back, I wasn't supposed to be alive until now, I can't go back to school, it's so mentally exhausting, at least here I can have some peace.

But then again if I don't go, my family will be way more cautious with me (as they already know my suicidal past), and it could potentially sabotage my suicidal plans, although they won't put me in an asylum that's for sure.

So what do I do? Go back to France for "studies", and rot there until the april spring break when I can book a flight and try CTB again? Because one thing is for sure, I cannot attend any classes now, and I cannot go sit any exams. I'm too drained.

Tell me what you think.

Do what feels right; can you cancel the flight to gain more time to think about it? Could relieve som stress. Whats your opinion on it?

 

[bungalooping]

Do what feels right; can you cancel the flight to gain more time to think about it? Could relieve som stress. Whats your opinion on it?

It's no big deal regarding the cancellation, the flight was 30 dollars, but I don't know my real opinion, on one hand it's much better for me to stay because I'll be at peace, on the other hand staying here may or may not sabotage my suicidal plans you know? Because my family will be more wary of me.

 

[fly]

It's no big deal regarding the cancellation, the flight was 30 dollars, but I don't know my real opinion, on one hand it's much better for me to stay because I'll be at peace, on the other hand staying here may or may not sabotage my suicidal plans you know? Because my family will be more wary of me.

You have any friends to stay at; if youlike it could take some stress away aswell and the urge to CTB immediantly

 

[bungalooping]

You have any friends to stay at; if youlike it could take some stress away aswell and the urge to CTB immediantly

No I'll have to stay at home with my family if I decide to not catch the flight, the urge to CTB is always there, and I am not scared of it, I just haven't had proper access to methods

 

[spicerymer]

No I'll have to stay at home with my family if I decide to not catch the flight, the urge to CTB is always there, and I am not scared of it, I just haven't had proper access to methods

This isn't very helpful of me but just wanted to say I'm in the same position.
Didn't realise just how difficult it was to CTB, especially when you have a family who are always around.
I was thinking of CTB in a place where people don't go.. somewhere like on a hike in the mountains or woods.
If you don't have somewhere near to you then catching a train or bus to an area where you can?

 

[bungalooping]

This isn't very helpful of me but just wanted to say I'm in the same position.
Didn't realise just how difficult it was to CTB, especially when you have a family who are always around.
I was thinking of CTB in a place where people don't go.. somewhere like on a hike in the mountains or woods.
If you don't have somewhere near to you then catching a train or bus to an area where you can?

I have an anchor right at home that's strong enough, I posted it on this website even, I just need the house to be empty for like 2 hours so I can hang myself.

Hanging myself in the woods is so scary for me, and will bring about national headlines in my country, plus there's only one place in the whole country where I can find trees suitable for it. It's a whole big process and I'm not here for it.

 

[spicerymer]

I have an anchor right at home that's strong enough, I posted it on this website even, I just need the house to be empty for like 2 hours so I can hang myself.

Hanging myself in the woods is so scary for me, and will bring about national headlines in my country, plus there's only one place in the whole country where I can find trees suitable for it. It's a whole big process and I'm not here for it.

I'm sorry that it seems like such an effort for you, it's so frustrating not having an easy escape.
Sorry if this is too personal to ask, but will your family not be quite traumatised from finding you?
Are you sure there isn't a more neutral area to do it?

 

[bungalooping]

I'm sorry that it seems like such an effort for you, it's so frustrating not having an easy escape.
Sorry if this is too personal to ask, but will your family not be quite traumatised from finding you?
Are you sure there isn't a more neutral area to do it?

They will be yeah, I told you there are some woods like 200 miles away from me, but I can't really go there

 

[wiggy]

I have to preface this by saying I don't mean to be judgemental in any way. It seems to me like for whatever reason you're not ready to go through with it right now - whether that's just survival instinct standing in your way is not my place to say. I don't think the justification of not having the house to yourself is very compelling, because at any rate you could easily just do it more or less anywhere at any time, or just wait until the next time you're home. If I'm right about you not being able to go through with it at this particular time, that means you're gonna be around for a while longer at least. So my two cents is that you shouldn't derail your life by abandoning your studies, that wouldn't be a good outcome regardless what your decision ultimately ends up being.

 

[bungalooping]

I have to preface this by saying I don't mean to be judgemental in any way. It seems to me like for whatever reason you're not ready to go through with it right now - whether that's just survival instinct standing in your way is not my place to say. I don't think the justification of not having the house to yourself is very compelling, because at any rate you could easily just do it more or less anywhere at any time, or just wait until the next time you're home. If I'm right about you not being able to go through with it at this particular time, that means you're gonna be around for a while longer at least. So my two cents is that you shouldn't derail your life by abandoning your studies, that wouldn't be a good outcome regardless what your decision ultimately ends up being.

Tell me how I could easily do it at any time more or less anywhere? Tell me then, if it was this easy, why is this site even online?

Just tell me how then

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'll also say it doesn't seem like you're ready to go. If full suspension is your preferred method, why can you not execute that method in France, should you so desire?

 

[bungalooping]

I'll also say it doesn't seem like you're ready to go. If full suspension is your preferred method, why can you not execute that method in France, should you so desire?

I don't wanna die in a foreign country and have my family pay thousands to bring back my corpse

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't wanna die in a foreign country and have my family pay thousands to bring back my corpse

Fair enough. I can understand that.