• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

Alexandra0

Alexandra0

Don't Fear the Reaper
Sep 30, 2023
392
My gender dysphoria appeared in childhood 😭💔
It is so terrible to be in a body that you hate, despise, I can't look at myself in the mirror, and I can't do anything about it, I want to free myself from my hateful shell.
Sometimes when I walk down the street or look from the balcony and see handsome guys, tears flow from my eyes. I literally can't take my eyes off them. Especially those who are handsome, young and healthy. I envy the body they live in. Sometimes, when I walk behind a guy, I stare at him from head to toe.
I know that there are many like me and I feel so sorry for all of us. It's unfair when things like this happen.
My parents said that they might give me money for a sex change in Thailand, but it won't save me. After all, I want to die first of all because of a physical illness that brings me great suffering. And I live in a homophobic country, no one would change my documents. I am not a transsexual, it is simply impossible here. Unfortunately, I look very feminine.
I want to wish people who suffer from the same affliction - strength, luck and fulfillment of desires. And for myself, I only want to wish that my bus arrives as soon as possible
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
  • Love
Reactions: Buffy, SecretDissociation, cassie and 21 others
bankai

bankai

Enlightened
Mar 16, 2025
1,658
I've always wondered about this quite a bit. It's our minds that determine our gender, not our bodies so it must be immensely difficult being stuck in the wrong body. I'm sure it's a hell that I cannot even imagine. I'm so sorry.😞

I know you have multiple troubles apart from this. I hope you can find peace somehow.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: gottacheckout, sinfonia, darksouls and 1 other person
EternalSkies

EternalSkies

Student
Mar 19, 2024
102
<3
 
  • Love
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: gottacheckout, darksouls, Carrot and 1 other person
Alexandra0

Alexandra0

Don't Fear the Reaper
Sep 30, 2023
392
I've always wondered about this quite a bit. It's our minds that determine our gender, not our bodies so it must be immensely difficult being stuck in the wrong body. I'm sure it's a hell that I cannot even imagine. I'm so sorry.😞

I know you have multiple troubles apart from this. I hope you can find peace somehow.
Thank you
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: gottacheckout and Carrot
darksouls

darksouls

Wizard
May 10, 2025
651
I am so sorry you have to go through all this
I think the soul has no gender
I was biologically born a woman
but I define myself as genderless
even though I look very feminine
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: Alexandra0, gottacheckout and bankai
Alexei_Kirillov

Alexei_Kirillov

i must rest here a moment
Mar 9, 2024
1,290
I have often thought that it was a curse to be born female, and that the extremely flawed design of our bodies is evidence that there cannot be a perfect, all-loving, all-knowing God. Unless he just hates us.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: Alexandra0, gottacheckout, darksouls and 1 other person
lostinthesauce

lostinthesauce

Member
Mar 22, 2025
11
I'm really sorry about that. I'm a transgender man who has been out since my early teens but I'm fortunate enough to live in a good state in the US. I hope one day you can have the space to be yourself, although I know that is hard where you are from. :(

I started out looking very feminine in the beginning of my transition, like you describe. But now, my coworkers (men included) never even guess I am transgender. I wouldn't give up because of that. There's many ways to change how you look to others even without any documents or surgery needed.
 
  • Love
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: Alexandra0, gottacheckout and bankai
regretfulsoul

regretfulsoul

Member
Apr 14, 2025
5
My gender dysphoria appeared in childhood 😭💔
It is so terrible to be in a body that you hate, despise, I can't look at myself in the mirror, and I can't do anything about it, I want to free myself from my hateful shell.
Sometimes when I walk down the street or look from the balcony and see handsome guys, tears flow from my eyes. I literally can't take my eyes off them. Especially those who are handsome, young and healthy. I envy the body they live in. Sometimes, when I walk behind a guy, I stare at him from head to toe.
I know that there are many like me and I feel so sorry for all of us. It's unfair when things like this happen.
My parents said that they might give me money for a sex change in Thailand, but it won't save me. After all, I want to die first of all because of a physical illness that brings me great suffering. And I live in a homophobic country, no one would change my documents. I am not a transsexual, it is simply impossible here. Unfortunately, I look very feminine.
I want to wish people who suffer from the same affliction - strength, luck and fulfillment of desires. And for myself, I only want to wish that my bus arrives as soon as possible
i feel you. i have it too but reverse. i'll have a 16.5" bideltoid and a huge ribcage and i'll be 5'9 and a 23" skull, enormous nose and jaw and brow ridge forever. i'll be a man until a die. diy estrogen is a complete placebo. Although maybe it's just bc i starve myself.

No one understands this disease. It's so brutal im so sorry.

especially for me when it was completely preventable. There was once a time when the unbreakable glass wall between my world and theirs didn't exist. And 2 pills a day could have allowed me to just step over. But that time is gone. I'm trapped in this body and I can't escape. ur not the only one ):
 
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: Buffy and Alexandra0
Alexandra0

Alexandra0

Don't Fear the Reaper
Sep 30, 2023
392
I'm really sorry about that. I'm a transgender man who has been out since my early teens but I'm fortunate enough to live in a good state in the US. I hope one day you can have the space to be yourself, although I know that is hard where you are from. :(

I started out looking very feminine in the beginning of my transition, like you describe. But now, my coworkers (men included) never even guess I am transgender. I wouldn't give up because of that. There's many ways to change how you look to others even without any documents or surgery needed.
Thank you. It's so good that you were born in the US, I hope you live happily ever after. If I had been born in your country, it would have been much easier for me. Our government has gone completely crazy, now they don't even give drivers licenses to LGBTQ+ people. And I don't even want to talk about what's happening in Chechnya - it's just a nightmare come true. It's good that I live far from that wild region
 
Last edited:
Bowerbird

Bowerbird

Member
May 27, 2025
17
Me too. I am like 5'2 and baby faced, no matter how much t i take people will probably always be able to tell im a freak and im different and like. Im always going to be one of those people that is skinny and weak and tiny. And Just looking at me theres something obviously different about me and people can tell. I will never pass or blend in well. I feel vulnerable like I have a target on my back and if the wrong people found me I could get hurt and its scary to think about and everyone in my family thinks I am over reacting but idk.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Alexandra0
snooperdooper

snooperdooper

Member
Jan 27, 2024
66
My gender dysphoria appeared in childhood 😭💔
It is so terrible to be in a body that you hate, despise, I can't look at myself in the mirror, and I can't do anything about it, I want to free myself from my hateful shell.
Sometimes when I walk down the street or look from the balcony and see handsome guys, tears flow from my eyes. I literally can't take my eyes off them. Especially those who are handsome, young and healthy. I envy the body they live in. Sometimes, when I walk behind a guy, I stare at him from head to toe.
I know that there are many like me and I feel so sorry for all of us. It's unfair when things like this happen.
My parents said that they might give me money for a sex change in Thailand, but it won't save me. After all, I want to die first of all because of a physical illness that brings me great suffering. And I live in a homophobic country, no one would change my documents. I am not a transsexual, it is simply impossible here. Unfortunately, I look very feminine.
I want to wish people who suffer from the same affliction - strength, luck and fulfillment of desires. And for myself, I only want to wish that my bus arrives as soon as possible
Gender dysphoria is truly a sickening, unique mental illness. The majority of the population could never grasp the type of pain people with it suffer through and what it does to them. And, sadly, the majority of the population is hardwired to hate things that don't make sense to them. It is extremely hard to cope with gender dysphoria on its own, but you also have to deal with the barrage of hate and government restrictions. I used to cry and cry and cry over this predicament, but now I just laugh at the absurdity of it.

I mean, we're forced to suffer from hate and harassment from other people because we're forced to suffer hate and harassment from our own minds? That idiotic scenario has completely transcended depression for me. I just find it laughable the world God has put us in.
 
  • Like
  • Aww..
Reactions: sinfonia, Buffy and Alexandra0

Similar threads

remembertherain
Replies
1
Views
195
Suicide Discussion
lemonandcapers
lemonandcapers
hikkatyan
Replies
3
Views
247
Suicide Discussion
cupboard
cupboard
F
Replies
21
Views
424
Offtopic
usernamesarehard
usernamesarehard
Doll Steak
Replies
1
Views
143
Suicide Discussion
Ihatemonday
Ihatemonday