I can't relate to fiction where people fight for their lives, because I can only think "why aren't they just killing themselves instead?"

[RosebyAnyName]

One thing I've always wanted to get into more is fiction (books, movies, TV shoes, etc.), because it seemed like fun, but now I can barely stand the majority of fiction. Anything that involves characters fighting for their lives immediately pulls me out of the experience, because I can't relate to wanting to live. Instead, I'd just think: is this character stupid? I'd just kill myself at that point.

If I'm reading anything related to the dystopia genre, the only thing I would think is: "I'd rather just kill myself."

Same with the horror genre: "Well shit, I'd rather just go out on my own terms right at the start."

Or even any story where the stakes are high enough for me to think "I'd rather throw in the towel by that point."

Most fiction is unenjoyable to me because any time a character / characters face serious enough problems I just can't relate to them wanting to keep living or fighting for their lives. It's stupid, only people with the false assumption that their lives are worth anything would think that or relate to that. Or, people that think their life is actually enjoyable enough to be worth pursuing and fighting for, which is definitely something I can't relate to.

Does anyone else feel like their ability to enjoy fiction is essentially just gone because of this? I feel similarly about every other story having romance when I can't relate to it at all. It's like every writer just assumes that wanting to live and understanding romance is a given for all audiences. It just reminds me of how alienated I am, and it depresses me. I avoid most fiction now.

 

[Yume Nikki]

i love fiction but hate the fact that i can't relate to most of it either. i find it so unrealistic how many characters always have the same friends, lovers, a healthy family etc. it feels so foreign to me. only character i find relatable is madotsuki from yume nikki.

 

[Electra]

Ikr? People in those movies always have so much will to live! The last of us? No! The first to go? Yes!

 

[Droso]

I can enjoy this type of fiction when I reach back into my memories when I wasn't suicidal. It's definitely dependent on one's survival instincts as well. As much as we are suicidal and imagine ourselves to give up in a situation like that, the genome is programmed for us to fight like hell to live. Most likely we would do the same in that situation because of our survival instincts, but it is hard to relate when you are just an observer.

But yeah- I made a post discussing the alienation us suicidal people feel. This is definitely something I did not consider when writing it. It goes so deep into every crack of our society, it's hard to even feel like we are on the same plane of existence as others. It's severely unfortunate that we struggle to find any semblance of understanding from others just to be met at every turn with alienation. It's hard to even enjoy fiction and stories without being reminded. It sucks.

 

[archiveofpain]

Definitely, as much as I love fiction as a way to escape from reality it only fuels more my alienation and frustration at how bleak life truly is in comparison

I wish I could be like those characters who have a support system that are always there for them no matter what instead of being a person living a pointless existence in a shitty world that doesn't care about me but alas

 

[Electra]

I wonder whether in movies like that their SI increases and encourages them to keep fighting and living?

 

[Yume Nikki]

Definitely, as much as I love fiction as a way to escape from reality it only fuels more my alienation and frustration at how bleak life truly is in comparison

I wish I could be like those characters who have a support system that are always there for them no matter what instead of being a person living a pointless existence in a shitty world that doesn't care about me but alas

agreed, i feel like a background character in my own life. i even get jealous when i see characters experiencing love and gaining special powers or something that allows them to fly, turn invisible, teleport etc. kind of why i make self-inserts and ship myself with fictional crushes to feel less lonely. atleast in video games you are treated as the main protagonist most of the time even if you aren't physically there.

 

[archiveofpain]

agreed, i feel like a background character in my own life. i even get jealous when i see characters experiencing love and gaining special powers or something that allows them to fly, turn invisible, teleport etc. kind of why i make self-inserts and ship myself with fictional crushes to feel less lonely. atleast in video games you are treated as the main protagonist most of the time even if you aren't physically there.

Sorry you're feeling this way. It's really easy and comforting to resort to escapism when your existence seems unimportant and pointless, it's a terrible feeling

 

[SilentSadness]

Sadly writing an entertaining story from an anti-life perspective would be quite difficult because the character would die and that's it. If it's about them being unable to die, I guess that's pretty niche but it almost always ends up being pro life with these stories anyway. It reflects the writer, and the overwhelming majority of people are desperately pro life.

 

[sximii]

I definitely have that. Watching The Pianist right now, and I can't stop thinking 'if I was in that situation I would just kill myself'. I can still enjoy it though, I am a writer of fiction myself and if the story is well written and compelling I have no issue with it. It's kinda what makes it interesting, the trying to overcome hardships

 

[Lost in a Dream]

A lot of fiction is like that for me too but there's some good stuff out there that does have relatable characters in it. One character I can relate to is Dean Winchester from Supernatural just because he's suicidal for the majority of the show but stays alive mostly to help others. I'm in the same boat minus the demons and monsters, just staying alive for other people and not because I genuinely want to live, but I'd sure love the chance to trade my life for someone else who does want to live.

I'm also an alcoholic now so I can relate to those types of characters much better. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it helps when reading fiction or writing my own characters.

 

[grapevoid]

Survival instinct is very strong and it's different when you are in fight or flight mode, too. I can really relate to it. When I left my abusive relationship and was constantly in fight or flight, I never once considered killing myself, only keeping him from killing me or harming my children. Fast forward to when I was finally safe and able to actually start processing- I started contemplating cbt and even at times thought I wish I would have just let him do it for me. But in the moment when the danger was very near, I wasn't going to let him take my life even by proxy.

If you consider suicidal ideation and how it gives a sense of empowerment over our own situations and ability to be in control of ourselves, it doesn't make much sense to fall to it when it is someone else deciding it for you.

One thing I've always wanted to get into more is fiction (books, movies, TV shoes, etc.), because it seemed like fun, but now I can barely stand the majority of fiction. Anything that involves characters fighting for their lives immediately pulls me out of the experience, because I can't relate to wanting to live. Instead, I'd just think: is this character stupid? I'd just kill myself at that point.

If I'm reading anything related to the dystopia genre, the only thing I would think is: "I'd rather just kill myself."

Same with the horror genre: "Well shit, I'd rather just go out on my own terms right at the start."

Or even any story where the stakes are high enough for me to think "I'd rather throw in the towel by that point."

Most fiction is unenjoyable to me because any time a character / characters face serious enough problems I just can't relate to them wanting to keep living or fighting for their lives. It's stupid, only people with the false assumption that their lives are worth anything would think that or relate to that. Or, people that think their life is actually enjoyable enough to be worth pursuing and fighting for, which is definitely something I can't relate to.

Does anyone else feel like their ability to enjoy fiction is essentially just gone because of this? I feel similarly about every other story having romance when I can't relate to it at all. It's like every writer just assumes that wanting to live and understanding romance is a given for all audiences. It just reminds me of how alienated I am, and it depresses me. I avoid most fiction now.

I do however prefer non fiction to fiction .. fiction is a type of escape I never learned to love or use