That's the only explanation for it. Every day is exactly the same shit, with the occasional ridiculously soul-draining random cluster fuck thrown in for good measure. The only reason I'm still here is my niece, whom I've helped raise since she was a baby. Ever since her mom, my sister, disappeared to pursue a life of heroin. Now she's being primarily raised by my mom and dad, two narcissistic fucks who ruin their children. I vowed that I would stay here to support her and make sure they didn't ruin her with their emotional abuse. She's so smart and talented and has so much potential. But I just can't do it anymore. I no longer have the strength to even fake taking care of myself. How can I be a positive influence when I can't even get out of bed for most of the day?
And yet, I have no doubt that I'll be here tomorrow. The best thing I could do is just remove myself from the equation. But that will never happen because I'm a coward who is so afraid of the unknown that I would rather stay here suffering and setting a bad example for someone I love. Rather than going out with some dignity. Please, if there is a God in heaven, let this end right now. Because I'm too much of a piece of shit loser to do it myself.
And yet, I have no doubt that I'll be here tomorrow. The best thing I could do is just remove myself from the equation. But that will never happen because I'm a coward who is so afraid of the unknown that I would rather stay here suffering and setting a bad example for someone I love. Rather than going out with some dignity. Please, if there is a God in heaven, let this end right now. Because I'm too much of a piece of shit loser to do it myself.
