I can't feel pleasure anymore

[Braindead Atheist]

I'm retarded and so stressed all the time. I have nothing to live for. I'm not smart enough to do any job and I'm so bored of everything in life. The only thing I enjoy is food and it just makes me fat. I am afraid of the void yet, I just don't have it in me to live. I find some comfort in my graphic design studis but deep down I kow I wn't be smart enough to ever turn it into a career. I tried living for my friends but 2 of them ditched me for wanting to kill myself, 1 ditched me because i was 15 minutes late and another ditched me because she wanted to be friends with my enemy(tbh, we actually ditched eachother).
I tried living for my mentors but a most of them, I never get to talk to and one changed into a total monster. I can't trust anyone and my family is tired of me complaining and venting.
I feel alone and done with life. yet i know there is no other side so its this or nothing and i'm just so scared of the nothing.

I'm torn between killing myself sometime in the next year or waiting to see if graphic design works out.


I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask this but, what should I do?

 

[v1car10us]

I'm retarded and so stressed all the time. I have nothing to live for. I'm not smart enough to do any job and I'm so bored of everything in life. The only thing I enjoy is food and it just makes me fat. I am afraid of the void yet, I just don't have it in me to live. I find some comfort in my graphic design studis but deep down I kow I wn't be smart enough to ever turn it into a career. I tried living for my friends but 2 of them ditched me for wanting to kill myself, 1 ditched me because i was 15 minutes late and another ditched me because she wanted to be friends with my enemy(tbh, we actually ditched eachother).
I tried living for my mentors but a most of them, I never get to talk to and one changed into a total monster. I can't trust anyone and my family is tired of me complaining and venting.
I feel alone and done with life. yet i know there is no other side so its this or nothing and i'm just so scared of the nothing.

I'm torn between killing myself sometime in the next year or waiting to see if graphic design works out.


I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask this but, what should I do?

i feel like i'm in the same situation. you HAVE to understand the value of self love, as impossible and hard as it may seem, at least fall in love with your own soul and you'll be on the right track to recovery in no time. take a look in the mirror to see the soul that shines through your eyes. safe travels

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask this but, what should I do?

I relate to a lot you wrote about. Wish I had a solution. Have you ever thought about relocating--maybe even out of your country? If you'd like to talk about it, plz PM me. I've lived and worked around the world (not a boast, just mean I can share some options and realistic challenges). I hope something very good happens for you soon.

 

[FuneralCry]

In regards to ctb, only you know what you should do, it is your life and it is your decision and you have the right to exit this world at any time of your choosing. If I was in that situation and there was a chance of things improving, maybe I wait and see if things work out as the option of ctb is always there. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering and I also feel done with life. We were all perfectly fine not existing before we were forced to live, so to me nothingness isn't something to be scared of. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Bruces]

I don't think I ever have felt pleasure

 

[Braindead Atheist]

I relate to a lot you wrote about. Wish I had a solution. Have you ever thought about relocating--maybe even out of your country? If you'd like to talk about it, plz PM me. I've lived and worked around the world (not a boast, just mean I can share some options and realistic challenges). I hope something very good happens for you soon.

I can't live on my own since i'm retarded and my parents would never relocate. i've thought about going on a trip though. i think i'm going to kill myself after i find out that i'm not smart enough for my next job. idk, i'm just done.

 

[Jblack]

I can understand what you mean, I really don't feel. I am basically an emotionless zombie. I think there was a time I could feel but I really don't remember when that was. I blame my loss of emotions on all the meds given to me to make me feel "better".

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I can't live on my own since i'm retarded and my parents would never relocate. i've thought about going on a trip though. i think i'm going to kill myself after i find out that i'm not smart enough for my next job. idk, i'm just done.

This touched a nerve. I hate that our culture panders to "neuro-typicals." We have to think/believe/moralize inside the same small boxes that the few dominant groups agree are acceptable. Or else. I'm really sorry. Sending a hug. Oh, I hope you get the job, if you still want it. Plz let me/us know what happens.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

This touched a nerve. I hate that our culture panders to "neuro-typicals." We have to think/believe/moralize inside the same small boxes that the few dominant groups agree are acceptable. Or else. I'm really sorry. Sending a hug. Oh, I hope you get the job, if you still want it. Plz let me/us know what happens.

I'm still in school for graphic design, but I'll let yo know if I get the trader joes job that I applied for.

 

[TheSomebody]

if you're not retarded to the point of being handicapped then I'm sure you can do some work. I'm no different from what you described and got a job for a minimum wage as an office assistant

 

[Braindead Atheist]

if you're not retarded to the point of being handicapped then I'm sure you can do some work. I'm no different from what you described and got a job for a minimum wage as an office assistant

I'm sure yo aren't retarded then. I'd just mess it up

 

[Crazy4u]

What you should do is completely up to you. It is your choice based on your circumstances and your feelings. I'm in school as well and I feel hopeless but I want to finish it first. CTB can wait. Let us know if you got the job

 

[TheSomebody]

I'm sure yo aren't retarded then. I'd just mess it up

At my job the tasks are too repetitive, so you would eventually learn. I don't think any job that pays so little is going to demand a lot of brainpower from you. I still make many mistakes in there, I really am an idiot. I take time to learn simple tasks that everyone does on the first try and sometimes I make such stupid mistakes that I want to bang my head against the wall because im so angry with myself.