I can't be around people

[softfuzzyman]

i live with sorta adoptive family who are kind enough to give me a place to stay and. If there are people home I just cant leave my room. Currently the power is out so my younger brother, who's normally upstairs, is hanging out in the kitchen bc it's hot and dark up there i imagine and i cant go into the kitchen to get food lmao fuck. I dont eat much but a tiny bit when i first wake up at least

I woke up super anxious today and i hate feeling this way i just want my sn to arrive already... even when it does i doubt ill feel relief. Even thinking about ctb doesnt comfort me which is a beyond sick feeling... i wish i could feel the relief a lot of people report feeling and just let myself actually relax for once and just tell myself itll be over soon so its fine to just let go, but i cant, im still tormented with stress and misery, it's messed up. Im getting progressively more tired of trying to justify leaving, trying to lower the impact of leaving, trying to get anything done before then... fuck it. Im so tired and frazzled and scattered and in pain. It's gonna be messy and ugly and painful and selfish and lazy and poorly thought out. Sorry i cant do much better.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm so, so sorry. I wish things could be better. It's horrible to feel this way and have no relief.

 

[psychoticxerror]

You're doing the best you can right now, and that's what matters. I hope you were able to grab some food.