Venting I can't accept this life is all there is

[Sadbanana]

There has to be reincarnation or some kind of afterlife. I don't believe it rationally, because life just seems too uncaring, it is hard to imagine it as some kind of simulation/game or a world created and led by a God, or some cosmic spiritual shit.

But I can't accept that this shit is all I get. All I ever wanted is to be normal and to experience full spectrum of what it means to be a human. It's hard for me to accept, that I will never experience it. It feels so wrong, unfair. So I just cope by making up shit about afterlife.

To believe that universe really is just an uncaring machine and that conciousness is just a byproduct of brain functioning and once it dies I will cease to exist. I just don't know how to cope with that. I just wanted to experience being someone who I actually want to be, not have to dissociate, fantasize about being someone else entirely all the time just to avoid mental breakdown.

 

[enjoytheride]

The fact that you can see an aspect of something doesn't mean that's the whole. We don't see radio waves, but they are there. In the past, we couldn't emit, detect or receive them, but now we can. By extension, there must be many aspects of our reality and existence that we may not be aware of and some which humanity might never reach. Now the Universe itself doesn't have to be caring or uncaring, although in it exist conditions for care. Imagine a universe where such conditions couldn't exist, but you could exist - now that would be a truly cruel universe.

Ours can be cruel, but it allows care. It allows us to get sick and suffer, but also to find cures and to heal. On Earth, we experience care by the way we treat each other, as well as other animals and how they treat us. I think of our relatives and friends, and I think of our beloved pet companions. So care is something we can create. Humans often do that by starting families. Affection is one of the "currencies" of family life. Unfortunately, not all of us at a given time get to experience this. And some of us, very unfortunately, barely get to experience it - if at all.

So, although I understand your frustration and sadness, I would challenge the idea that:

1.

I will never experience it.

2.

that universe really is just an uncaring machine

Regarding 1 - that's a bold supposition about which you can speculate but not know for certain.
Regarding 2 - the universe is neither caring, nor uncaring, in my view. Yet think about water - it is neither caring, nor uncaring, but if you drink it, you are refreshed and you take care of your body with the help of water. Same with fire - it is harsh, hostile - but at the right temperature and distance, it is what would make your potatoes edible and tasty, and your body warm in the Winter. In that way it is as if fire and water care for you.

The Universe may not care, but then it allows for this forum to exist where people who care will read each others' posts and do their best to empathize and provide support.

Not criticizing you, but just sharing my thoughts on your thoughts, because I think I care.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

To believe that universe really is just an uncaring machine and that conciousness is just a byproduct of brain functioning and once it dies I will cease to exist.

This is what I believe. I get why you might have trouble believing it - basically because you feel you've been cheated. Yeah, that's the part (of life) that is referenced in the old addage "No one ever said life was fair". It's true. It's all part of the human condition. There's neither rhyme nor reason to it. It's more just luck of the draw. I can't assign some human feelings to the universe, like uncaringness. Obviously, I can't know for sure, no one can, but I can't believe the universe is some "living, breathing, conscious entity" that assigns our fates to us. I think it just boils down to happenstance.

I'm sorry your life hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to, the way you deserved it to. Mine didn't, either.

 

[Ligottian]

The afterlife, if it exists, could be worse than this one. Ever thought about that?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes I wonder if we would have been better off without the whole individualism, religious influence that we are so important. That we deserve everything the world has to offer. It's all there for us. That we need to achieve all these things and make our mark. It puts so much pressure on us for one but, it also makes us feel short changed if we don't live the life we were sold. Plus, the unrealistic hope that things will be fair. That suffering and hard work and trying to do good deeds will be rewarded.

I guess we get told all that early on because the truth might crush even our attempts to try to succeed and be happy.

I do sympathise though. Some of the shit people end up going through. You have to hope there is something good waiting for them at the end. I still take comfort in there (hopefully) not being more of this though.

 

[Sadbanana]

The afterlife, if it exists, could be worse than this one. Ever thought about that?

Of course. I guess there being no afterlife would be more acceptable for many. But being an immortal conciousness, that flows from one life to another is all I ever wanted, even if some of those life would be torture.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Of course. I guess there being no afterlife would be more acceptable for many. But being an immortal conciousness, that flows from one life to another is all I ever wanted, even if some of those life would be torture.

I think the opposite of what im qouting u posted.

I would never want to suffer even 1 second of the worst pain. Nothing is worth that to me. I don't know who would want to suffer the worst constant worst pain every second for even an hour

I hate existence. I believe 1 micro second after my brain dies I will cease to exist forever and that is my only comfort

 

[Sadbanana]

I think the opposite of what im qouting u posted.

I would never want to suffer even 1 second of the worst pain. Nothing is worth that to me. I don't know who would want to suffer the worst constant worst pain every second for even an hour

I hate existence. I believe 1 micro second after my brain dies I will cease to exist forever and that is my only comfort

But the pain would eventually stop and something better would replace it. But it's hard to tell if it would be worth it. Pain is the by far worst thing about life in my opinion.

 

[Ligottian]

But the pain would eventually stop and something better would replace it. But it's hard to tell if it would be worth it. Pain is the by far worst thing about life in my opinion.

How do you know something better would replace it?

 

[SomedayorNexttime]

Bro.

You. Do. Not. Understand. How. Much. I. Resonate. With. This.

This is all so me. It's like you stole my thoughts and posted them. I have a post so much like this, too.

I cannot really handle this being all there is. Why did I get dragged out of oblivion to live such an unsatisfying life? Someone joked that existence was the "universe's version of jury duty", and that's a golden comparison. Forced out of your comfort to bear witness to horrors, share your opinion, then leave as if nothing happened.

My existence is pathetic. I don't deserve life at all, even. I don't know why I'm here or what I did to deserve being such an egregiously sad individual and being incapable of anything worthwhile. Belief in an afterlife or whatnot was supposed to give me hope that I could have it all one day. Belief in karma, past lives, magic or curses or whatever was supposed to explain why I got such a sad life. And because I'm coming to see my delusions for what they are, I keep wondering why I had to be the pathetic person while other people just… live happy lives.

Right now, there's a person my age living a fuller life than me. Born to wealthy parents, maybe vacationing somewhere incredibly nice, has friends, is loved endlessly and has never known loss or deep shame or anything!

I can't cope with it at all, is this truly it? Billions of years of nothingness, just to magically gain consciousness as a loser? How is there just no reason for that? It's so unfair! And the fact that so many people insisted to me that this is all worth it and that everything happens for a reason… I just can't fully accept yet that they're all just not right and there genuinely is nothing to hope for in my life.

The last thing you said, that thing about how you "wanted to be someone else that you actually wanted to be." That is so ME.
I cannot stand that this is it and I have to daydream about nonsense for the rest of my life. I hate it and I'm so sick of being me. I cannot stand who I am and hate waking up to myself. What I wouldn't do to wake up as someone else more successful and worthwhile than I am! I hate that I'll never reach any of the milestones I set for myself and that I'll get unhappier each year.

I feel like all of my mental crutches to keep myself from snapping are gone now. I really do not want to accept that my life is shit and will be shit all because I happened to gain consciousness in this body… and there is no reason why it happened. If there's something out there, I will never forgive whatever it is for making the universe like this.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I feel this in my soul. I never was religious but in my 20s I sort of believed in something akin to fate or synchronicity. I had faith that the right people and opportunities would present themselves at the right times, just like pro-lifers insist they will. It never happened and I finally realized that the odds were not in my favor, that this could be "all there is" for me. It's devastating. I've already missed the best years of my life. So much time I'll never get back.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

But the pain would eventually stop and something better would replace it. But it's hard to tell if it would be worth it. Pain is the by far worst thing about life in my opinion.

To me Nothing is worth even 10 seconds of the worst constant worst pain.
I believe 1 micro second after my brain dies its Non-existence forever for me and that to me is the best state by a trillion times if only because eternal Non-existence is not this hell and is the only guarantee of never suffering so badly it's a billion times worse than the worst u can imagine

There's no evidence nor proof nor guarantee that the pain won't stop nor of
anything anyone is saying here or elsewhere. The only things that really matter to me is avoiding constant unbearable pain or constant extreme suffering and getting to Non-existence forever asap : why does anything else have to matter to me ?

 

[Sadbanana]

To me Nothing is worth even 10 seconds of the worst constant worst pain.
I believe 1 micro second after my brain dies its Non-existence forever for me and that to me is the best state by a trillion times if only because eternal Non-existence is not this hell and is the only guarantee of never suffering so badly it's a billion times worse than the worst u can imagine

There's no evidence nor proof nor guarantee that the pain won't stop nor of
anything anyone is saying here or elsewhere. The only things that really matter to me is avoiding constant unbearable pain or constant extreme suffering and getting to Non-existence forever asap : why does anything else have to matter to me ?

You are right. I have never experienced an extreme pain in my life. And I don't want to, I want to believe it doesn't exists or that it will avoid me. I had a few moments that I got a taste of it and from those memories I can confidently say, I would reather die than getting a full dose. No amount of humiliation and crushed ego comes close to raw pain.

Bro.

You. Do. Not. Understand. How. Much. I. Resonate. With. This.

This is all so me. It's like you stole my thoughts and posted them. I have a post so much like this, too.

I cannot really handle this being all there is. Why did I get dragged out of oblivion to live such an unsatisfying life? Someone joked that existence was the "universe's version of jury duty", and that's a golden comparison. Forced out of your comfort to bear witness to horrors, share your opinion, then leave as if nothing happened.

My existence is pathetic. I don't deserve life at all, even. I don't know why I'm here or what I did to deserve being such an egregiously sad individual and being incapable of anything worthwhile. Belief in an afterlife or whatnot was supposed to give me hope that I could have it all one day. Belief in karma, past lives, magic or curses or whatever was supposed to explain why I got such a sad life. And because I'm coming to see my delusions for what they are, I keep wondering why I had to be the pathetic person while other people just… live happy lives.

Right now, there's a person my age living a fuller life than me. Born to wealthy parents, maybe vacationing somewhere incredibly nice, has friends, is loved endlessly and has never known loss or deep shame or anything!

I can't cope with it at all, is this truly it? Billions of years of nothingness, just to magically gain consciousness as a loser? How is there just no reason for that? It's so unfair! And the fact that so many people insisted to me that this is all worth it and that everything happens for a reason… I just can't fully accept yet that they're all just not right and there genuinely is nothing to hope for in my life.

The last thing you said, that thing about how you "wanted to be someone else that you actually wanted to be." That is so ME.
I cannot stand that this is it and I have to daydream about nonsense for the rest of my life. I hate it and I'm so sick of being me. I cannot stand who I am and hate waking up to myself. What I wouldn't do to wake up as someone else more successful and worthwhile than I am! I hate that I'll never reach any of the milestones I set for myself and that I'll get unhappier each year.

I feel like all of my mental crutches to keep myself from snapping are gone now. I really do not want to accept that my life is shit and will be shit all because I happened to gain consciousness in this body… and there is no reason why it happened. If there's something out there, I will never forgive whatever it is for making the universe like this.

Yeah, Imagine being an infinite timeless nothingness of infinite possibilities, to temporarily be given spark of conciousness as a human, all that so the universe can let you know, that you suck.

It sounds like a joke, I wouldn't believe it, if it didn't happened to me.