I cannot cope with life

[Deadweight]

I'm 35 years old and I have failed many times in life. My education was disrupted by domestic violence and bullying. I completely disengaged early and only made it to year 10 before I simply stopped going to school. Nobody was paying attention, so nobody noticed.

I have been unable to hold down jobs, study, or maintain relationships, and when I look inward, I simply have no desire to. I have no ambition, no interests, and I can't seem to get motivated by money. I just don't care about anything. No amount of talk therapy, medication routines, meditation and self-help books over the years has changed this. I just have no will or desire to live. I feel like I'm in the passenger seat of my body, just idly watching the scenery go by.

Reaching 35 and suffering yet another failure to cope with the stresses of study (constant pacing, no appetite, panic attacks, lost 8kg in two weeks) has caused me to reflect on my future and I've decided that I'm not going to continue to exist while watching what's left of my youth fade until I'm nothing but a frail, old, lonely poor man.

I'm too far behind now, and with no will to fight, there's no point in dragging this out.

Thanks for reading

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I know that feeling all too well. Just watching your life pass you by as a helpless bystander. I am sorry you had to go through this. It is hard to get back on track when your life is derailed at an early age.

Dying is hard but so is living for decades in misery. I think only you can decide which is the better option.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I am in the same as spot as you. 36 and I had good prospects growing up but let it all go because I couldnt feel any desire or ambition to achieve or be motivated. I plan my demise soon because I cant bare the thought of living like this to the end of my natural life spine. I hope I follow through with it

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is very horrible. In my opinion it is better to never be born in the first place. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I understand it is hard to carry on when you cannot cope. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[Rational man]

"I have been unable to hold down jobs, study, or maintain relationships, and when I look inward, I simply have no desire to. I have no ambition, no interests, and I can't seem to get motivated by money."

To be kind to YOU, i think you describe a vast percentage of people. Its even sadder, when people settle for a shit job they stay forevermore, get trapped in a bad relationship or get totally owned by money that doesnt bring inner happiness. At least it didnt for me. So i feel your pain but also congratulate you for for being independent spirit.❤

 

[Pluto]

You've done well to make it that far, and gave everything a fair go. I'm 40 and I can look back and say that I did all the right things, but it just didn't work out. Society never wants to acknowledge us. Either we will be demeaned or told to try yet again. Having made a rational choice, I wish that I could be treated humanely during the dying process.