Venting I can finally die now thank god

[nolongerhuman]

Every day since the semester ended and my quarantine for coronavirus ending I'm allowed to leave the house and can ctb pretty much whenever I want. I wake up every morning asking "is today the day?" and then decide that it isn't for some reason. One of these days I'll decide "yes it is" and then be gone before the sun sets that day. I don't know when that will be but I think it will be soon. Before I graduated I was kept on this earth in large part by a fear that if for some reason my suicide attempt didn't work I would be alive and then feel worse because I couldn't graduate due to being stuck in a ward. It's such an emotional relief to know that isn't a problem anymore and living is basically optional at this point as I don't owe any obligations to anybody.

 

[Alamonocuricu]

I am happy that you finally get the privilege to say that living is basically optional at this point. Must be very liberating, good for you! ❤

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best. It must be such a relief to be in that position. Nobody deserves the suffering that this life gives them.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
After being a "prisoner" for 6 months in my parents' house after my failed attempt, I was like "Damn. I'm finally living alone again and could ctb anyday but...I can't fail this time!"