I can afford to die but I can’t afford to live

[KleinerWolf]

I've been a Chinese citizen for almost 27 years until April.
Immigration had been a struggle for me since I was 17.

I have some personal positive traits and skills but they are not enough for me to be willing to stay.
I don't care enough to live as a Chinese citizen.

I will ctb on 12 February which according to google is first day of Chinese new year in 2021.
I want my parents to remember I do not like China.
China is great, but I had the displeasure of being part of it, too bad.

ctb because of immigration had been on my mind for some time as a last resort to free myself from the burden and I honestly have nothing to lose. This isn't some hasty decision since I had given this some thoughts in the past.

on February 12,
I will take ibuprofen one hour before SN drink and then I will listen to music whilst lying on my bed.

this isn't a goodbye thread but I will post a proper one on the day before.

 

[rosedavinci]

Sir Wolf,
I know that it is your own internal pain, and there is nothing that I could probably say to make you stay. If I can help in anyway to make you feel better or you need someone to talk to, please always feel free to reach out. I am so sorry that you have to go through such a hard time.

 

[signifying nothing]

Sounds like very heavy stuff you have been and still are having to deal with. I respect that your situation has brought you to where you are now and that you are making the decision you feel you have to.

 

[I_have_no_one]

My situation and worries are very similar to you. I'm sick of the reality that I can't do anything