Venting I ask myself constantly, why am I still here?

[Largeletters]

I ask myself this question constantly. I first attempted suicide 7 years ago. So I've been hearing the words "it gets better," for at least 7 years, if not more. My life has just been a sea of chaos and fucked shit since I was born. I've been to God only knows how many funerals. I'm not going to act like the past 7 years everything has been bad because it hasn't, but things haven't gotten better as a whole. You know what I'm FUCKING sick of? The evil, shitty people of this world having amazing lives, and here's me, still suffering. The people who bullied me (physically and verbally) because my father was in prison (he's out now) over a prolonged period of time have good lives, why can't I?

I still have love in my heart but there's also an endless amount of bitterness, anger and hatred for others and myself.

8 psych hospitalizations, several different medications, in and out of therapy since I was 4 years old, I'm just fucking done with all this bullshit. I have no hope, and life is just getting worse by the days. My father might have cancer (we're very close) and I'm beginning to think I have PTSD. I've already been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, unspecified anxiety, and OCD.

I fucking hate my ex girlfriend. It sounds sick but I hope she can come to my funeral and look at my casket and think about all the fucked ass she did. I hate that stupid immature bitch and if she ever tries to contact me again, she needs to watch the fuck out. It'll throw me over the edge, and that will be the final straw. I will kill myself. She was manipulative, controlling, other things.

If only I was confident in completing suicide. I hope I do complete it and it doesn't give me brain damage.

Will this be my last post? I have no idea. Before I logged on today, I hadn't posted or logged on (I think) since September.

Whoever read this entire post, hopefully with an open heart, I appreciate you.

 

[deathisnear]

I feel you on many levels, I ask myself the same question every single day. I want to die so bad, yet here I am. I hope you can find the peace you deserve, hopefully I can as well, we all deserve that.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I feel you on many levels, I ask myself the same question every single day. I want to die so bad, yet here I am. I hope you can find the peace you deserve, hopefully I can as well, we all deserve that.

We all want to die. Living sucks but dying is hard. Once you realize suicide is a real option there is no turning back. Even if your life circumstances improve.

 

[deathisnear]

We all want to die. Living sucks but dying is hard. Once you realize suicide is a real option there is no turning back. Even if your life circumstances improve.

I completely agree. I know I am on a one track to suicide no matter what, and my life circumstances won't improve anyway. It's a calming feeling to know it will happen even if I don't know when exactly

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I completely agree. I know I am on a one track to suicide no matter what, and my life circumstances won't improve anyway. It's a calming feeling to know it will happen even if I don't know when exactly

Don't feel too bad if you can't ctb right this moment. Eventually we all die. Dying sooner than later would be preferable but sometimes things don't work out that easily.

 

[Hotsackage]

Same here hopefully today is my last day

 

[deathisnear]

Same here hopefully today is my last day

I hear you there, I wish that everyday. One day I will have to take it into my own hands and make it happen.

 

[FuneralCry]

I ask myself the same question. I'm only here as I was forced to exist, I am denied a right to die and actually taking our own lives is hard. This life can be a hell and there is so much suffering we have to go through. This world is very unfair and people can be cruel. If this is the option you want, I hope you find peace as it is what we all deserve.

 

[WornOutLife]

"it gets better" are probably the three words I hate the most.

Sorry you're going through all this.

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[Largeletters]

I feel you on many levels, I ask myself the same question every single day. I want to die so bad, yet here I am. I hope you can find the peace you deserve, hopefully I can as well, we all deserve that.

Thank you, same for you of course.

"it gets better" are probably the three words I hate the most.

Sorry you're going through all this.

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace!

Hugs,

Matt

Thank you, hugs back to you Matt.

I ask myself the same question. I'm only here as I was forced to exist, I am denied a right to die and actually taking our own lives is hard. This life can be a hell and there is so much suffering we have to go through. This world is very unfair and people can be cruel. If this is the option you want, I hope you find peace as it is what we all deserve.

I greatly appreciate your message as it really mirrors what I feel too. I hope you find peace, whatever that means for you.

We all want to die. Living sucks but dying is hard. Once you realize suicide is a real option there is no turning back. Even if your life circumstances improve.

This is so true... it's been an option for so many years in my mind. It will always be there and never go away.