I am so scared and frightened

[jamie_]

So I was like 99% certain that I would inevitably end up quitting but was waiting out to see whether that 1% chance of getting my life back would happen and I would get extremely lucky. Now I have had what I was always knew was going to happen and had that 1% removed.

And it's weird because even though I have felt the loneliness and the lack of anyone giving a fuck towards me during this entire time of being 99% sure it is only now that it has gone to 99% to 100% that the idea that I am all alone has really sunk in. And it sinking in is terrifying. It is suffocating. It scares the fucking shit out of me. It is a feeling that is quite hard to comprehend with words, a feeling that must only exist for people in the process of dying. God, I am not strong enough to take it. I need to find a inner strength somewhere to get me to the end, I can't carry on in limbo like this it is truly hell.

 

[lostmyacc]

I am sorry to hear this. I can relate a little bit. The rushes of adrenaline, the weird feeling in stomach like butterfly's when the reality of life hits you.
I have had large periods of my adult life alone, no friends and lack of partner, its hard knowing that this isn't normal and despite best efforts can't bridge the gap of what's missing.

 

[HelpMeToday]

What is it that is bothering you if you don't mind me asking?

Thanks

 

[Smart No More]

@ItNeverGoesAway There was another member a while back with your profile pic. Was that you or is the person in your pic just someone well known that I'm unaware of?

 

[Marine]

I know that feeling too well... It's killed me 3 times already yet I was brought back for more...

I can only hope at this point that it's not 100% doomed no matter how it seems... Or that you'll find a peaceful way to a better life if there's really no other way... But I don't like having to come to this... It's heart wrenching and illogical that anyone should end that way...

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so devastating and painful what you are going through and I'm sorry that you have to endure this. I understand that it is hard to carry on when you suffer so much. This life really is so cruel and unfair. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[jamie_]

@ItNeverGoesAway There was another member a while back with your profile pic. Was that you or is the person in your pic just someone well known that I'm unaware of?

it is me just a new account

 

[jamie_]

What is it that is bothering you if you don't mind me asking?

Thanks

grief mostly

 

[jamie_]

ive always got really weak and faint when checking my pulses for some reason so putting my neck in a noose feels very uncomfortable and makes me feel unnerving/panicky like i'm suffocating so i don't know what to do