Venting i am not a good person

[thelittleprincess]

I genuinely know, without a doubt in my mind, that I am not a good person. I've done shitty things. I think shitty things. I'm an asshole to my mom, who's just trying her best, and I always hate myself for it because I feel like I'm just turning into my dad and there's nothing I can do to stop it. My self-esteem has plummeted since my boyfriend and I broke up. I miss him so much. My best friend told me the other day that I'm really mean and that FUCKED with me because I swear I've spent so much time trying to not be. I can't have kids because I know I'd be abusive. I wish I was in an abusive relationship, I feel like I need to be taught a lesson and just get a grip on life. I keep pushing people away. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I just want it all to end.
I tried reaching out to a friend that I ghosted months ago, I let him believe I killed myself and finally told him that I'm okay and how sorry I am. He hasn't answered, I don't blame him one bit. I fucking hate myself. I swear I keep trying to be a good person, but I wasn't built to be good. I was born into evil and I'll die choking on it.

 

[fruitninjamaster]

I would still care for you, if you except a loving text message once in a blue moon

 

[ipmanwc0]

I think my life has gotten better since I stopped using the words good or bad since they are neither helpful nor meaningful. You are the way you are now presumably because you haven't been treated well by life. You are not to blame because you didn't decide to be this way. Such a person easily hurts others because they are hurt and lonely themselves. Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Only when you heal can you be a "good" person.

 

[m1v]

I think it's too vague to label someone as "bad", people aren't defined only by their worst actions. I believe that good people can still do terrible things, and that what matters is recognizing it & taking responsibility. a person can be good at their core and still be capable of doing terrible things. Don't be too hard on yourself, being aware of your wrongdoings shows that you want to do better, even if you haven't figured out how yet. <3

 

[M_E_S]

Who is truly good or bad? As some have mentioned on here these are subjective across cultures and even from individual to individual. One human's ritualistic end to preserve honor is another's disregard for the "sanctity of human life."

I have even observed the notions being nebulous depending on circumstance and purveyor. What I may see as "good" when I engage in it myself might also abhor me when observing its practice by others.

I believe the best we can reasonably hope for is those who are and try to be consistent. I hesitate to go further with the moral and ethical aims of that consistency bc it brings us back to the inherent subjectivity in minds. But do we admire someone far more who is "trying to be better" along a set standard, whether or not that standard aligns with my own notions of what "better" entails, than those who in a very ends-justifies-the-means fashion will be, say, think and do anything that achieves their own aims. From a certain p-o-v might they see that as bettering themselves as well?

In my own sense of morality, I believe it's noteworthy and admirable you're even concerned with being a good person because at the very least it reveals your self-awareness and desire to improve yourself. Whether you succeed or fail is the same for all of us fallible, imperfect sapiens. But there are so many more who never even consider the question, and exist in a haze of mindless existence, not even cognizant of themselves, their role or the effects they have on others.

 

[uglymisanthr0pe]

there is no good without selfishness. that is why morality is inherently not a thing in my eyes