I am no longer depressed, but I do not care and actually look for to/want to die.

[greyblue_bian]

I can't really say this anywhere else without getting some "pro-life" answers. I feel a bit lost without my depression, however, I am getting better. I've made some good habits, for example: I now have a very simple skincare routine and I actually brushed my teeth twice today. I just got out of the shower, but I didn't wash my hair. I've been doing online school during the summer, so that's keeping me busy. However, if I say things like "I want to die" and "I would rather die", and REALLY mean it, it throws people off guard or they don't take it seriously due to my past of having emotional outbursts due to me being overwhelmed with my emotions. Overall, I am rather content with dying. Does anyone relate to this?

 

[Worndown]

Is this a situation where you are starting to live a new chapter of your life and are not yet comfortable with it? This is just a question and not pushing a position.

 

[Euthanza]

I can relate, I'm no longer depressed, even in the happiest moment I'm still thinking suicidal.
It's not a new chapter, it's looking for end of chapter permanently. This feeling is kinda constant and won't go.

 

[obafgkm]

Sometimes I feel less depressed when I can kind of see things differently, more clearly, care more about other people. But it just makes me feel another way bad, I have been wrong again. Problems are still there without solution. Depression is a refuge. It borrows time, waiting for miracle. Usually no miracles. That's fine. Nothing can be done anyway. I am waiting for the last straw on the camel's back to give me the final push.