I am in unbearable pain and I don't know how to hang on

[fallingleaves]

That's it. That's the post. :(

I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[pyranha]

i'm sorry that you're suffering in this manner. if you wish to talk about the issues that are causing this, i will listen and do my best to give good advice

 

[fallingleaves]

i'm sorry that you're suffering in this manner. if you wish to talk about the issues that are causing this, i will listen and do my best to give good advice

My partner left. Here's the only person who can save me. But he's ignoring my calls and messages. He said he would call yesterday. I haven't heard anything. He's never coming back. I want to kill myself tonight.

 

[pyranha]

i know this is easier said than done, but let's try to look at more neutral options first. instead of the idea that he's never coming back, could it be that he needs some time to himself? if there was some kind of argument, maybe he needs time to relax. if his things are still in your shared space, then it wouldn't make sense for him to never return- someone who was leaving forever would take their things. is there a friend or family member that can go check that he's physically safe? someone he would've been in contact with?

 

[fallingleaves]

i know this is easier said than done, but let's try to look at more neutral options first. instead of the idea that he's never coming back, could it be that he needs some time to himself? if there was some kind of argument, maybe he needs time to relax. if his things are still in your shared space, then it wouldn't make sense for him to never return- someone who was leaving forever would take their things. is there a friend or family member that can go check that he's physically safe? someone he would've been in contact with?

It's been two weeks already. My birthday is my deadline. Nobody will help me. Nobody cares. I'm completely alone. He hates me. I'm going to try to kill myself tonight and I hope beyond hope that I succeed. He stormed out so he did forget a couple things but it doesn't matter. He's never coming back. I don't have any friends. It's not about his safety. His safety is not in jeapordy. Nobody cares. He's never coming back. I'm going to kill myself.

 

[pyranha]

i care, and though i can't physically stop you, i would be sad if you died. if he promised to call yesterday and hasn't returned anything, it's possible that his phone is acting up- it doesn't automatically mean he hates you, and i don't think someone who hated you would've tried to set up a time to speak. is there truly nobody at all that would be willing to take your call? a family member, even if extended, or an old college friend- they don't have to be very close, i think human interaction is what would help right now.

like i said, i can't stop you from doing anything, but it would matter to me if you hurt yourself, and i'm concerned that you'd be doing it out of an impulsive feeling. is talking about it helping you at all? would you feel better getting more of it out?

 

[fallingleaves]

i care, and though i can't physically stop you, i would be sad if you died. if he promised to call yesterday and hasn't returned anything, it's possible that his phone is acting up- it doesn't automatically mean he hates you, and i don't think someone who hated you would've tried to set up a time to speak. is there truly nobody at all that would be willing to take your call? a family member, even if extended, or an old college friend- they don't have to be very close, i think human interaction is what would help right now.

like i said, i can't stop you from doing anything, but it would matter to me if you hurt yourself, and i'm concerned that you'd be doing it out of an impulsive feeling. is talking about it helping you at all? would you feel better getting more of it out?

He finally texted and said he'll call at midnight. Now I'm afraid of what he'll say. He'll probably tell me he's never coming back. He'll probably make me cry (again).

Nobody else can help. He's the only one who can help. :(

 

[pyranha]

i'm glad he responded, i'm sorry you've been having a difficult time with him lately. i know it doesn't feel like it right now, but there was a version of you that existed before him- i'm not saying you have to learn how to do that again right this moment, but there is a version of you that can and does exist even if he's not there. you are a person of your own too, and you deserve to exist even if he's not there. i hope you two can have a decent conversation

 

[fallingleaves]

i'm glad he responded, i'm sorry you've been having a difficult time with him lately. i know it doesn't feel like it right now, but there was a version of you that existed before him- i'm not saying you have to learn how to do that again right this moment, but there is a version of you that can and does exist even if he's not there. you are a person of your own too, and you deserve to exist even if he's not there. i hope you two can have a decent conversation

The version of me before him was on a path to suicide as well.

 

[pyranha]

if you were suicidal before, and are now, then, and i know this sounds soooo corny, but it sounds like the 'saving' you need would have to come from within yourself. maybe when you're in a better spot mentally, sitting down to think about what was going on back then, and what originally brought up these feelings for you. have you had any water to drink today? even if you don't feel up to eating, you should try to drink something, specially if you're worried about the upcoming conversation

 

[fallingleaves]

if you were suicidal before, and are now, then, and i know this sounds soooo corny, but it sounds like the 'saving' you need would have to come from within yourself. maybe when you're in a better spot mentally, sitting down to think about what was going on back then, and what originally brought up these feelings for you. have you had any water to drink today? even if you don't feel up to eating, you should try to drink something, specially if you're worried about the upcoming conversation

No, not really. I need him to come back. I know exactly why I want to die. I'm extremely isolated and nobody cares about me.

 

[pyranha]

if he cares about you and was by your side for a long time, surely there are others who would want to care for you as well. you're not broken, and you don't have to be isolated forever. best of luck to you

 

[Dr. Finklestein]

if he cares about you and was by your side for a long time, surely there are others who would want to care for you as well. you're not broken, and you don't have to be isolated forever. best of luck to you

this is excellent advice from pyranha, take a moment and think this through…encourage you to not act in the moment. You can always see how you feel through a couple of different mindsets.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to suffer so unbearably in this existence, it's so cruel to me how there's all this pain and suffering, I understand finding it painful to exist. But anyway I wish you the best.