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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
7,058
So working a traineeship has made me terribly depressed. Studying at the university makes me manic. And after mania I have severe psychosomatic pain and was very close to ctb. I tried a medication (Lamotrigine against bipolar disorder). Since then my pain diappeared but I am not fully convinced that this is due to the medication. I am very desperate what to try next and I probably go for the following: I try to go to the university again despite the fact it causes mania and I am hoping for Lamotrigine to ease my depression/ prevent the coming psychosomatic pain after mania. In case this pain appears again I am ready to ctb.

So my life depends on this medication...this is probably my last chance to avoid poverty/following rational suicide in the future.
This decision is really decisive and dangerous. I talked to more than 3 professionals about it. Nobody can tell me if the medication really works
What they don't know I might buy SN in advance if the pain comes back. This pain is really extreme maybe a 10 on a scale. However I don't want this to be a self-fullfiling prophecy. The pressure might be higher if SN is available at my home and it would be ready to be taken.
I am only in this position because the SN sources get less and less. And I am scared I won't be able to buy it when the pain comes back. I am really ambivalent. My friends tell me to wait ordering it. Having to deal with these decisions makes me very depressed. Maybe a sign that I should wait?

I know this story is complicated. I can reduce it to one question: Do you think SN will be available in Europe in the next 1-2 years? If needed I can import it but I heard one guy imported in from a non-EU state and had problems with the custom
 
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