CravingPeace
It’s only a matter of time
- Feb 19, 2025
- 338
I don't have a set date, partly because I am still wrongly holding out hope that some miracle will happen to turn my life around in the very near future. But it's just not coming.
Yesterday my psychiatrist refused to put me back on Vyvanse because I had a manic episode while I was taking it last year - although I truly believe that it was caused by binge drinking while taking it. I'm sober now, but Vyvanse is the only thing that has worked to remove the mental barrier to making positive changes in my life. Without it I feel petrified, unable to have motivation to do practically anything.
Now I am faced with the fact that I am supposed to conjure up the motivation and drive that I clearly lack. If I could do that, I would have done so by now. I simply no longer have the capacity to improve - all my energy is spent on just barely surviving.
The only thing really holding me back is that I don't want to break my dog's heart by leaving. I will be able to "give" him to a close friend prior to, for them to take care of him, but I just know my dog will endlessly search for me when I'm gone. However, I know his quality of life would be much better with them, and I need to get this engrained in my mind. He will be better without me.
I am getting close to the point of no return. I wish I could just get there already. I'm hurting so bad.
Yesterday my psychiatrist refused to put me back on Vyvanse because I had a manic episode while I was taking it last year - although I truly believe that it was caused by binge drinking while taking it. I'm sober now, but Vyvanse is the only thing that has worked to remove the mental barrier to making positive changes in my life. Without it I feel petrified, unable to have motivation to do practically anything.
Now I am faced with the fact that I am supposed to conjure up the motivation and drive that I clearly lack. If I could do that, I would have done so by now. I simply no longer have the capacity to improve - all my energy is spent on just barely surviving.
The only thing really holding me back is that I don't want to break my dog's heart by leaving. I will be able to "give" him to a close friend prior to, for them to take care of him, but I just know my dog will endlessly search for me when I'm gone. However, I know his quality of life would be much better with them, and I need to get this engrained in my mind. He will be better without me.
I am getting close to the point of no return. I wish I could just get there already. I'm hurting so bad.
