notevenhere
Ghost Angel
- Apr 27, 2023
- 146
i rushed with getting the items and having a plan but i don't have the mental fortitude.
for context, my mom is financially abusive and i don't have a job, i rely on sex work— well, used to until i went from 47 kg to 56kg— im frightened of my step dad my half brother doesn't talk to me im not allowed to go outside unless i fork over 6,000 pesos now which is 100 or more usd i pay for my meds, neuro consultation, im losing all my teeth but i dont have the money to fix them.
i've been moving my date for at least 3 times now, october, end of the year, april. nobody really wants to help me and i don't want their help, either. it's one thing to move someone in a dangerous situation with mental health issues, it's another thing when they have medical upkeep, when they can't keep up, when they can feel like they're dying because of their chronic illness and can't find a job, all roads lead to death anyways. the truth is i am a coward, it could fail (again) — i lost all my irls and this isn't me complaining, cos if im going to be gone anyways: why bother them at all? i think im a coward i cant do it, which is more pathetic than anything else.
for context, my mom is financially abusive and i don't have a job, i rely on sex work— well, used to until i went from 47 kg to 56kg— im frightened of my step dad my half brother doesn't talk to me im not allowed to go outside unless i fork over 6,000 pesos now which is 100 or more usd i pay for my meds, neuro consultation, im losing all my teeth but i dont have the money to fix them.
i've been moving my date for at least 3 times now, october, end of the year, april. nobody really wants to help me and i don't want their help, either. it's one thing to move someone in a dangerous situation with mental health issues, it's another thing when they have medical upkeep, when they can't keep up, when they can feel like they're dying because of their chronic illness and can't find a job, all roads lead to death anyways. the truth is i am a coward, it could fail (again) — i lost all my irls and this isn't me complaining, cos if im going to be gone anyways: why bother them at all? i think im a coward i cant do it, which is more pathetic than anything else.
