Hows your ctb journey going?

[StateOfMind]

My last two months have been riddled with distraction and disruption.
Some of it my own fault.
How much longer must we endure this nightmare?

 

[112]

 

[WFJ74]

All of my preparations have been finished so I can CTB whenever the opportunity presents itself.

 

[hʚll]

i have everything. i only need time alone

 

[BlankUser]

It's confusing. I was planning to do it in August. But something came up, and my boyfriend had to leave for 3 weeks. It's a torture. I wanted to spend July with him, and now I think I won't be able to ctb in August, because I miss him so much and I want to spend more time with him. I also visited the place where I plan to ctb, I was there at night... It was kinda scary:( Now I'm thinking of trying recovery again, just for my boyfriend. So when he comes back, he'll find me in a better state.

 

[I'm scared]

I try to make myself live everyday.Last night was horrible I have no one to talk to I don't know how to start a post on here.So today I have changed my plans which are as erratic as my life ,I hope to find some comfort in my last few weeks knowing soon I will never feel pain rage and hatred towards the NHS again.I am going to spend all my savings on a massive toy shopping spree with my grandchildren,buy my daughter loads of stuff,go to the beach for a couple of days,eat my favourite food as I can't eat without terrible pain then hang myself.It can't be that hard as my son in law used his belt so I am going to stop worrying about knots and failure..Looking forward to a cheese and onion pasty!..It's sad as well f someone could fix my gut,help me move and help my daughter I could carry on keeping busy with the things that kept me going until my pain and the refusal of NHS to help me has made this pointless.Surely lying in bed with a hot water bottle watching bits of different TV shows as I get so bored, play a few games but get frustrated is a pointless existence? I started to clean up my garden yesterday but gave up planning to continue today but the neighbours are in their garden,he hates me even spat at me a few years ago,my tummy hurts too much,can't even kill time with food as my body can't handle any.,sorry for the long ramble hope everyone is in a better place today

 

[I'm scared]

It's confusing. I was planning to do it in August. But something came up, and my boyfriend had to leave for 3 weeks. It's a torture. I wanted to spend July with him, and now I think I won't be able to ctb in August, because I miss him so much and I want to spend more time with him. I also visited the place where I plan to ctb, I was there at night... It was kinda scary:( Now I'm thinking of trying recovery again, just for my boyfriend. So when he comes back, he'll find me in a better state.

Go for it you never know it may work and you get to have fun with your boyfriend

 

[Carrotcake]

Slow and shitty

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Lol, I have dull knives and rope that doesn't tighten enough when noosed up. I have one method that requires determination and planning in advance (not my strengths) but would most likely be very likely to succeed.

Guess it's just more NEETdom and crying at night for me lmfao.

 

[enjoy]

tomorrows the ideal but i have a lot to do today and i dont know if i can get it all done so that im able to ctb in time. wanted to get a gun but i might just have to settle for crashing my car. bad weather lately so hopefully itll just get passed off as an accident

im only in such a rush because my thoughts are haunting me and its unbearable. gotta get out of here asap

 

[I'm scared]

tomorrows the ideal but i have a lot to do today and i dont know if i can get it all done so that im able to ctb in time. wanted to get a gun but i might just have to settle for crashing my car. bad weather lately so hopefully itll just get passed off as an accident

im only in such a rush because my thoughts are haunting me and its unbearable. gotta get out of here asap

I didn't do anything I had to do today,I am trying to hang on I have to wait but I don't know who to turn to,I guess as long as I have no motivation to move it's a way of staying alive.

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be hard to take our lives. I see ctb as requiring a certain level of desperation in order to overcome obstacles like the SI. I think for me it will happen when I reach a certain point where I cannot bear anymore. I would love to just fall into an eternal sleep. I am never growing old, so ctb is inevitable for me someday.

 

[Largeletters]

Slow. I'm not prepared. My method is not foolproof, but it's all I have, and I need to make the most of it.

 

[Bedrock48]

Thanks to events in my previous thread there's been a small upturn in my mood and mental health. Even if it's temporary the break from full blown suffering is extremely welcome.

I have everything I need prepared and bag is packed, it's certainly not imminent but I'm ready to go if things go downhill again. I'm considering trying to get some extra counselling to aid my recovery but I've been stalling making that phonecall.

Recovery? Death? Both are appealing.

 

[PinkSakura]

Shit, can't find SN lol

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I have all my materials for SN however finances/debts are holding me back

some medical bills
Student debt
Car debt
Cremation
Autopsy charge
My date is set tho I just need to make this as financially less of a burden for my parents as possible most likely my family will be burdened with my car, and sending death certificate to my student loan provider as I'm not sticking around until august 2022 to pay off the full debts

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

not great. i have to wait until someone gets me what i need as i really have no means of ctb right now

 

[deadthisweekend]

I have my van it is all sealed I have my date tomorrow, I have plenty of bbqs I have tried to fix broken things but to no avail I'm not a bad person just maybe misunderstood sometimes good luck everybody x

 

[Foogs]

I have everything I need for my secondary method already (night-night) and can probably get my primary method pretty easily once I'm actively planning to ctb (heroin/fent + pills I already have). For now I'm still just trying to cure my chronic disability, still trying to achieve a body worth living in.

 

[Realman!@]

If everything continues the way it does I should have shotgun by next year and can finally start getting ready.