how's everyone doing

[ge0rge]

these are stressful days for us death enthusiasts. some strange misdeliveries and pesky men in uniforms ruining our best laid plans. who do we trust? how do we proceed? difficult questions. how's everyone doing?

 

[meganblask22]

You can't trust anyone.
I'm sitting at work doing jack shit because I'm obsessing about getting out of this life.

 

[Theanswer]

And seems like it's going to get worse. Making finalizing my ctb regime much, much more complicated and stressful. Getting better but pretty much in double hell. Who do we trust? Good question.

The situation has made me decide on SN. Would be more confident with N but researched a ton and I think SN will do it just fine.

 

[meganblask22]

I need to understand these methods better because just having some kind of plan will start to bring me relief. If I could flip the switch in this very moment that is exactly what I would do. I want out so fucking bad. I just want to yell and scream right now. Nothing can get better.

 

[Hope:-)]

Yes, they are seriously worrying me. I don't want to spend a grand+ for nothing. I am doing very not good but thanks for asking. Sweet thread.

 

[FuneralCry]

Very tired of existing and just wishing that I was gone as usual. I see no point to enduring this life when instead I could be peacefully not existing. Life is just suffering for no purpose, it is just so unfair how it is this difficult to leave this life behind. Dying is all that makes sense for me, yet I feel so trapped here.

 

[8evergo]

My plans must not go awry or be disrupted, it takes time and patience but I get great ways out of it Planning is the key to success and the power is in silence death will not escape you

 

[rationaltake]

It's becoming more and more like the Holy Grail...

 

[dtjb]

Thinking about how to start to put my affairs in order without raising any alarms in friends/family. Been involuntarily committed before, will not allow that to happen again.

My conviction wavered for a bit but the feelings came back as they always do so it just makes sense to start planning fr.

 

[Ash’Girl]

Brad, Janet, Rocky… Dr Scott? (If I'm wrong on the reference then that's random and ignore it).

Honestly: shit. Only accessible means is a rope and I haven't managed to overcome SI yet. I've looked into SN but not convinced I can source it, nor am I sure I'd be able to drink it.

I keep thinking I should just hightail to Mexico for a "holiday" I don't come back from.

 

[hellispink]

A lot of uncertainty for sure. I feel coward every time but I feel the end approaching.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Oh no- was your parcel intercepted? It's kind of you to ask how everyone is. These certainly are very strange times.

I have freelance work at the moment- which is a blessing of course- it's been so quiet and extremely worrying even before the pandemic.

I'm struggling with the work so much though. So many things have gone wrong and I'm so super slow (guess it's difficult to get back into it- it's quite physical work). So... I'm so behind on where I should be. I'm literally going to be working flat out till the projects end in November but I'll likely get paid a half or three quarters the time it will have taken.

On the one hand, this is my 'dream' job- in that it's creative- not that every project is equally enjoyable but I know I'm super fortunate when I get work. But it's feeling more and more doomed to fail because I'm SO bad at the business side of things and making money. And I know it's terribly pathetic and like a spoilt child but I utterly dread having to go back into some shit job again to pay the bills (I have done the whole shit retail job for 10 years).

This morning, I got my energy bill too and it's shot up. Spent most of the day obsessing about SN. Don't feel like I can do it while my Dad is still alive. So, I listened to music he likes in the background and tried to get a sense of just how devastated I will be when he goes. Sometimes it feels necessary to just go all out unhappy.

Thank you for reading my very self insulgent rant. I hope you are all getting by- although I guess perhaps not- seeing as we are all here. Best wishes to all.

 

[Idontmatter]

Just trying to survive my last 2 weeks alive.

 

[Murasa]

I'm stressed and paranoid, I try to distract myself by playing when night falls.

 

[gcso]

Well, I created a very detailed life plan to follow and get my life together, but I confess that I'm a little afraid of failure, because it involves talking to people and I have social phobia. Regardless of fear, the plan has to be executed in 1 month. It involves employment and many things. If all goes well, I'll stay alive; if not, in 2 months (or less) I'll be hanged (my only available method).

 

[KQuotientW]

I'm having a clean out and taking some of my things to a thrift store. I'm still a social worker at heart, even if I haven't worked in that sector for many years. If someone else can use the clothing, books, etc, I don't need them anymore. I imagine any things I leave behind will just be taken to the tip (landfill) otherwise, which seems like a waste. After taking bags of things to charity, I'm going to the hardware store and supermarket to get a few bags of charcoal, and getting something to put the charcoal in. I want to CTB before August, so not much time left. Just getting things organised. How am I feeling? Relieved that I no longer have to put up with this shitty existence.

 

[chloramine]

Exhausted and done. I really wish I could get sn. I'm scared that it won't be available by the time I can get it. I wish I had a button I could push that would kill me. Thank you for creating this thread.

 

[picklemick]

I didn't not think ending my life would be so difficult

 

[Unlucked]

Feeling like shit because I can't end my life without SN and have no clue where to get it.

Spent the better day laying in bed crying because of my intense mental suffering that never ends. The only semblance of hope I have is that next year in 2023 they will extend euthanasia to the mentally ill in Canada.