I've got all I need to ctb, it's a matter of five minutes to execute it, my suicide letter is saved on my tablet and can be printed quickly.
I'm not an advocate for making my last days as nice as possible. Just because I cannot listen to the music I listened, I cannot play the guitar (I would physically and musically able to do so), I cannot watch the movies I loved to and I can't read my favourite books. I would be intellectually able to do so, but I just somehow got a deep aversion to do that. And if you came to the point where life seems pointless you're beyond all that stuff and don't care for it anymore. At that state of mind you don't even consider things you always wanted to do (read Schopenhauer in my case).
All that feelings, wishes, happieness and desires are a part of life and life-affirming ideology which I have to reject in order to ctb.
I would like to take LSD again, but I'm too tired to buy it from the Darknet.
Here's the main question: How did people that actually committed suicide lived their last months (besides enjoying ther lives or fullfill old dreams)?
Did they take a lot of benzos? Did they set a date that they sticked to or did they just as me considere to do it in 2-4 weeks and do it on a day they're absolutely willing to ctb? Did they just live their ordinary life (that's what I will be doing - staying in bed, watch some funny comedians, google random stuff)?
I wish I could make my last days nice. Reread cioran or adorno, watch woody allen, listen to townes van zandt and bob dylan, smooke weed, be a little excentric. But I can't. I don't feel guilt about that, but I wished it could be otherwise.
I cannot visualize how I,m drinking the deadly fluid, neither when, but I got to do it, it just seems so surreal.
Is there someone feeling like me, or could describe the last day of some members here, if that's not too private?
I'm not an advocate for making my last days as nice as possible. Just because I cannot listen to the music I listened, I cannot play the guitar (I would physically and musically able to do so), I cannot watch the movies I loved to and I can't read my favourite books. I would be intellectually able to do so, but I just somehow got a deep aversion to do that. And if you came to the point where life seems pointless you're beyond all that stuff and don't care for it anymore. At that state of mind you don't even consider things you always wanted to do (read Schopenhauer in my case).
All that feelings, wishes, happieness and desires are a part of life and life-affirming ideology which I have to reject in order to ctb.
I would like to take LSD again, but I'm too tired to buy it from the Darknet.
Here's the main question: How did people that actually committed suicide lived their last months (besides enjoying ther lives or fullfill old dreams)?
Did they take a lot of benzos? Did they set a date that they sticked to or did they just as me considere to do it in 2-4 weeks and do it on a day they're absolutely willing to ctb? Did they just live their ordinary life (that's what I will be doing - staying in bed, watch some funny comedians, google random stuff)?
I wish I could make my last days nice. Reread cioran or adorno, watch woody allen, listen to townes van zandt and bob dylan, smooke weed, be a little excentric. But I can't. I don't feel guilt about that, but I wished it could be otherwise.
I cannot visualize how I,m drinking the deadly fluid, neither when, but I got to do it, it just seems so surreal.
Is there someone feeling like me, or could describe the last day of some members here, if that's not too private?
