Help How to keep pushing on in eating disorder recovery

[thelostautistic]

I want it start by saying I won't be mentioning any numbers in the post because I don't think that's helpful for anybody.

Basically I've had an eating disorder since I was 16. I was diagnosed with Atypical Anorexia when I was 20? I started to properly recover in late 2022 because I was fed up and couldn't do it anymore. From then until now I've weight restored on my own and started challenging my eating disorder thoughts. I'm really proud of myself because I did it without support. I only started receiving therapy for my eating disorder last year.

The problem I'm having is the thoughts are getting loud again. I think multiple things have triggered this. I'm at the highest weight I've been in a long time and I don't feel good about myself. I'm a healthy weight I just don't like the amount of weight I've gained. Because of my chronic pain and fatigue from endometriosis exercise is more difficult now. Some days I can't manage it and on the days where I can it just leaves me in more pain. I've come off all my medications because they have contributed to weight gain. I feel like I'm slipping back into behaviours and I'm stressing. I don't want to go back to my eating disorder but in a way I do. I can't go back to it though because it was horrendous. How do I keep moving forward with recovery when these thoughts are so loud? Is anybody in the same boat and do you have any advice?

 

[_Gollum_]

Hey there, I'm also in recovery and struggling with ED thoughts that are getting louder.

When I think of relapsing, I remind myself of what I would lose in doing so, while at the same time not denying what I would gain. You can even make a pros/cons list: list out everything you hated about your eating disorder and also every benefit. If you do this then you will usually see that the costs far outweigh the benefits, especially when you factor in that most of the "benefits" of your eating disorder are shortlived. For example, you might initially lose some weight and feel better about yourself, but the weight loss will eventually stall and you'll find new things to be unhappy with your body about. Most of your time living with your eating disorder won't be in the honeymoon phase.

It can also be helpful to find an external tether. For example, our EDs often negatively affect our personal relationships. If a relationship in your life has improved due to your recovery, and if that relationship is more important to you than the benefits you would get from your ED, hold onto that.

And of course, more practically, keep eating regularly.

Personally, the main things that stay my hand are that 1) I'm not ready to give up my food freedom yet and 2) I know it would strain and/or probably end my relationship and I'm not ready to give that up yet either.

 

[peacebenow]

Recovery from eating disorder is life long and working with your thoughts is a constant. If they're becoming too loud and you feel like you need more support to help you stay afloat and you have the resources to do so, that would be good.

 

[DeusVult]

Hang in there, skeleton!

 

[thelostautistic]

When I think of relapsing, I remind myself of what I would lose in doing so, while at the same time not denying what I would gain. You can even make a pros/cons list: list out everything you hated about your eating disorder and also every benefit. If you do this then you will usually see that the costs far outweigh the benefits, especially when you factor in that most of the "benefits" of your eating disorder are shortlived. For example, you might initially lose some weight and feel better about yourself, but the weight loss will eventually stall and you'll find new things to be unhappy with your body about. Most of your time living with your eating disorder won't be in the honeymoon phase.

It can also be helpful to find an external tether. For example, our EDs often negatively affect our personal relationships. If a relationship in your life has improved due to your recovery, and if that relationship is more important to you than the benefits you would get from your ED, hold onto that.

Thank you so much. This is really helpful

Hang in there, skeleton!

Skeleton? I'm far from that