Help How to deal with racism?

[hosoc]

I kinda suck at explaining and English is not my first language so please bear with me.

To start with, I don't think I'm depressed I mostly don't get bothered easily, But racism on internet is something I just can't deal with ,the sheer lack of empathy ppl show towards some people disgusts me. I have quit social because of this reason I only use youTube for educational purposes but even there I can see it.

Their words feel like needle pinching me again and again it hurts but it's not fatal enough to kill you.

I try to get a thicker skin, I try to believe that there are good people out there
I hate violence and fights I get mentally frustrated from it , Bcz when I do see it, I feel extremely sad and wanting to kill myself

I did try it multiple times in past hanging, cutting I wasn't successful

I was not like this I always liked studying wanting to be better, be productive achieve something in life.
I want to travel the world I like to experience different cultures, things communicate with people, I still want that
But when I see the comments it makes me sad really sad It feels like there's no point to try achieve those things and maked lose all hope.
I used to communicate with different people everyday like just 2-3 years earlier but sadly everything changed
Now I don't, I feel scared to communicate bcz of the thought they might be racist

I really had one genuine friend from whom I shared my feelings and wouldn't feel shitty after, But I f**ked it now we don't even talk to each other

I suffer from chronic illness mostly I console myself and believe that I'll be better one day
But it sucks to go to the doctor in every 15 days it makes me frustrated, angry, sad etc

Now I am at a point where any minor inconvenience makes me suicidal.

Also I don't know why but I get serious mood changes
For example:- I'm normal at once but will feel extremely sad the second even if nothing happened or if I see something which makes even a little bit of sad,
The entire bag of problems just bursts on me

How do I deal with this?
How do I control these feeling and learn to ignore it and not feel suicidal at every minor inconvenience
I genuinely am confused I don't wanna live like this please I somebody can help

I kinda suck at explaining and English is not my first language so please bear with me.

To start with, I don't think I'm depressed I mostly don't get bothered easily, But racism on internet is something I just can't deal with ,the sheer lack of empathy ppl show towards some people disgusts me. I have quit social because of this reason I only use youTube for educational purposes but even there I can see it.

Their words feel like needle pinching me again and again it hurts but it's not fatal enough to kill you.

I try to get a thicker skin, I try to believe that there are good people out there
I hate violence and fights I get mentally frustrated from it , Bcz when I do see it, I feel extremely sad and wanting to kill myself

I did try it multiple times in past hanging, cutting I wasn't successful

I was not like this I always liked studying wanting to be better, be productive achieve something in life.
I want to travel the world I like to experience different cultures, things communicate with people, I still want that
But when I see the comments it makes me sad really sad It feels like there's no point to try achieve those things and maked lose all hope.
I used to communicate with different people everyday like just 2-3 years earlier but sadly everything changed
Now I don't, I feel scared to communicate bcz of the thought they might be racist

I really had one genuine friend from whom I shared my feelings and wouldn't feel shitty after, But I f**ked it now we don't even talk to each other

I suffer from chronic illness mostly I console myself and believe that I'll be better one day
But it sucks to go to the doctor in every 15 days it makes me frustrated, angry, sad etc

Now I am at a point where any minor inconvenience makes me suicidal.

Also I don't know why but I get serious mood changes
For example:- I'm normal at once but will feel extremely sad the second even if nothing happened or if I see something which makes even a little bit of sad,
The entire bag of problems just bursts on me

How do I deal with this?
How do I control these feeling and learn to ignore it and not feel suicidal at every minor inconvenience
I genuinely am confused I don't wanna live like this please I somebody can help

Also these mood changes doesn't last too long it varies from several hours to one day at max

After that I get back to normal Or sometimes feel more hopeful and ambitious happened to me when I tried suicide or when I'm about to try suicide

 

[jesteroutofwork]

You should definitely try visiting a psychiatrist, I'm diagnosed with mild depression and SSRI's helped with rumination about my surroundings and life. so maybe it will help you with your sensitivity to racism and viewing violence (leaving social medias is a great idea btw, especially instagram reels, this thing is just awful if you're sensitive to that type of content). Esentially it made me care less about all the ugly things, I could focus on myself more. Also a time consuming activity would help with rumination, I personally find exercising really cathartic.
Definitely tell them about these mood swings, maybe it's a sign of a different disorder and it would allow them to pick meds more carefully. They will also probably recommend a therapy. I hope you give it a try.

 

[hoppybunny]

I kinda suck at explaining and English is not my first language so please bear with me.

To start with, I don't think I'm depressed I mostly don't get bothered easily, But racism on internet is something I just can't deal with ,the sheer lack of empathy ppl show towards some people disgusts me. I have quit social because of this reason I only use youTube for educational purposes but even there I can see it.

Their words feel like needle pinching me again and again it hurts but it's not fatal enough to kill you.

I try to get a thicker skin, I try to believe that there are good people out there
I hate violence and fights I get mentally frustrated from it , Bcz when I do see it, I feel extremely sad and wanting to kill myself

I did try it multiple times in past hanging, cutting I wasn't successful

I was not like this I always liked studying wanting to be better, be productive achieve something in life.
I want to travel the world I like to experience different cultures, things communicate with people, I still want that
But when I see the comments it makes me sad really sad It feels like there's no point to try achieve those things and maked lose all hope.
I used to communicate with different people everyday like just 2-3 years earlier but sadly everything changed
Now I don't, I feel scared to communicate bcz of the thought they might be racist

I really had one genuine friend from whom I shared my feelings and wouldn't feel shitty after, But I f**ked it now we don't even talk to each other

I suffer from chronic illness mostly I console myself and believe that I'll be better one day
But it sucks to go to the doctor in every 15 days it makes me frustrated, angry, sad etc

Now I am at a point where any minor inconvenience makes me suicidal.

Also I don't know why but I get serious mood changes
For example:- I'm normal at once but will feel extremely sad the second even if nothing happened or if I see something which makes even a little bit of sad,
The entire bag of problems just bursts on me

How do I deal with this?
How do I control these feeling and learn to ignore it and not feel suicidal at every minor inconvenience
I genuinely am confused I don't wanna live like this please I somebody can help

Also these mood changes doesn't last too long it varies from several hours to one day at max

After that I get back to normal Or sometimes feel more hopeful and ambitious happened to me when I tried suicide or when I'm about to try suicide

I agree with the above reply. Pls seek professional help for the mood problems and as for dealing with racism Try ur best to stay off social media, it rewards hateful and disgusting behaviour. Also don't watch the news too, they tend to sensationalize racist and just hateful stories and incite fear in order to get more views.

There's also a website called doesthedogdie and common sense media and they usually list triggers in media. Racism is always one i check for before watching movies. Cause it's unbearable to deal with for me daily so i hate seeing it in my movies and tv as well.


It really sucks to have to share a world with evil ppl that hate others over their appearance but please try not to let it get to u too much. Easier said than done ofc.