Venting How to cope with loved ones and your choices

[lyles]

I have an amazing family and friends and boyfriend and I love all of them so, so much. The very thought of them suffering the way I know they would if I killed myself has kept me from doing it for so long. But I am so tired. And when I think about the future part of me has some hope but mostly right now I just want to lay down in bed forever. The way society and life are now doesn't appeal to me and having to navigate the world as it is, even with the beauty that I do see in it, is exhausting. I know if my mom dies I will kill myself regardless, but I don't want to witness her death. I wish I could die in an accident or something, then it wouldn't be a suicide and that would definitely make it somewhat easier for my family. It would hurt, but I know that if it was seen as my choice it would hurt significantly worse. I am just going to hope I accidentally die somehow before any of my loved ones. It is selfish but I don't know what to do with these feelings. I have been okay before, I don't know why I am coming back to this feeling.

I know this was just a lot of rambling and vague and a bit odd, maybe, but thank you if you read it. I wish you the best.

 

[GentleJerk]

Not odd at all, everything you said resonates with me and I feel very much the same. I can't handle the thought of my loved ones dying but at the same time I hate the thought of leaving and causing suffering for them. Like another member once said It's a little bit like being stuck on a sinking ship but unable to jump overboard.

Of course if we just didn't have to suffer, or die at all that would be ideal! But an accident where I suddenly die and don't have to make any of these extremely difficult decisions seems like a good second choice at this point.

I hope you can feel a bit better being able to share your thoughts here at least. I wish you all the best.

 

[sivvie]

I'm struggling with this as well :( I cried for hours yesterday because I could imagine my boyfriend having a terrible time and having to grieve.. it really sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

For many people, it can be painful, the thought of leaving people behind, but after all we have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, there is nothing selfish about suicide. In this life, death and loss are inevitable. Personally, the one thing I plan to do is write notes to try and give them some closure. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Crazy4u]

I hear you. I don't have anyone but I have a hard time rehoming my dog. I can't imagine leaving him behind. For me, this is a more serious issue than SI

 

[lyles]

Not odd at all, everything you said resonates with me and I feel very much the same. I can't handle the thought of my loved ones dying but at the same time I hate the thought of leaving and causing suffering for them. Like another member once said It's a little bit like being stuck on a sinking ship but unable to jump overboard.

I am really glad that it resonated with you, though I am sorry you have to relate. It is a shit place to be.

I hope you can feel a bit better being able to share your thoughts here at least. I wish you all the best.

Thank you so much, your kindness is much appreciated. I am sending you my best vibes and hopes. <3

I'm struggling with this as well :( I cried for hours yesterday because I could imagine my boyfriend having a terrible time and having to grieve.. it really sucks.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't know the solution or if there can ever be one but I wish you and your boyfriend the best.

For many people, it can be painful, the thought of leaving people behind, but after all we have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing, there is nothing selfish about suicide. In this life, death and loss are inevitable. Personally, the one thing I plan to do is write notes to try and give them some closure. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Thank you, I always see your comments on here and it means a lot to hear your input. It helps to know that I am not alone in these sorts of things and to hear from you!! However, your own path leads, thank you for your presence here and for your kindness. I am wishing you the best too.

I hear you. I don't have anyone but I have a hard time rehoming my dog. I can't imagine leaving him behind.

That sounds super difficult, I am so sorry. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

For me, this is a more serious issue than SI

I definitely understand that feeling.