i've been depressed for a long long time, but when i was younger it was really different. i enjoyed it, maybe for attention that i never got, or maybe just cause thats all i felt i could feel idk if theres some deeper meaning. currently for the past year and a half i think maybe two ive been in the deepest hole ive every been in and it feels horrific, its actually agony. i have no one to talk to no where to go nothing to do and nothing to look forward to. i just go to work get high go to sleep late wake up late and go to work again. all the free time i have is deadass spent agonizing like holding my head type thing lmfao. the only thing i want is to get better but idk what to do. i want so badly to have more friends and more things to do but i can't do anything about it and it feels genuinely inescapable. thanks for any advice
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