Help How do you think through when you're ready to ctb?

[swingset_boy!]

I've been having trouble picking a date or going through with my ctb. I'm fairly certain I want to go through with it but I keep putting it off. 75% of the time I'm so unhappy and confident that I'm ready to do it any day, but 25% of the time I feel like there's one more art piece or project I need to make or one more event I need to wait for. I'm 21 and I've consistently felt this way for a little over 5 years now.

I've had my method all prepared for about 1 year now which has actually helped me mentally some, just to know I have the ability to do it any day I need to. I also have a pretty good idea of how I'd want to spend my last day, I just don't have anyone to hold me accountable or anything for a date, so if I arbitrarily pick one, when that day comes I just wonder if I can make it one more week, and then I decide to wait just to be safe, but then regret that decision as soon as I start doing really poorly again.

I think the main thing that keeps stopping me is that I don't feel like I can process everything I need to to make a final decision. I know it's not a decision anyone else can make for me, but anytime I make time to think, I feel like I have brain fog. I don't know what kind of things to take into account to decide if I want to live or not anymore and it's hard to make a rational decision about something I know as little about as what death will be like. I just never know if now is the time to ctb or not, and there's always a little doubt holding me back.

To clarify, I want to ctb, I just never know if now is the time or not. I don't really have many super important things I'm looking forward to now, things haven't really gotten better at all for me over the past 5 years, and I'm pretty seriously considering doing it this Sunday but I'm still not 100% sure if now is the time. If you have any thoughts about making up your mind to ctb or not, or how far in advance to pick a date or any way to give yourself closure I would really appreciate any thoughts any of you guys have. Tysm :)



TL;DR: How do you decide if it's a good time to ctb or not, and how do you pick a date that you'll stick to?

 

[meltskelt]

I've been having trouble picking a date or going through with my ctb. I'm fairly certain I want to go through with it but I keep putting it off. 75% of the time I'm so unhappy and confident that I'm ready to do it any day, but 25% of the time I feel like there's one more art piece or project I need to make or one more event I need to wait for. I'm 21 and I've consistently felt this way for a little over 5 years now.

I've had my method all prepared for about 1 year now which has actually helped me mentally some, just to know I have the ability to do it any day I need to. I also have a pretty good idea of how I'd want to spend my last day, I just don't have anyone to hold me accountable or anything for a date, so if I arbitrarily pick one, when that day comes I just wonder if I can make it one more week, and then I decide to wait just to be safe, but then regret that decision as soon as I start doing really poorly again.

I think the main thing that keeps stopping me is that I don't feel like I can process everything I need to to make a final decision. I know it's not a decision anyone else can make for me, but anytime I make time to think, I feel like I have brain fog. I don't know what kind of things to take into account to decide if I want to live or not anymore and it's hard to make a rational decision about something I know as little about as what death will be like. I just never know if now is the time to ctb or not, and there's always a little doubt holding me back.

To clarify, I want to ctb, I just never know if now is the time or not. I don't really have many super important things I'm looking forward to now, things haven't really gotten better at all for me over the past 5 years, and I'm pretty seriously considering doing it this Sunday but I'm still not 100% sure if now is the time. If you have any thoughts about making up your mind to ctb or not, or how far in advance to pick a date or any way to give yourself closure I would really appreciate any thoughts any of you guys have. Tysm :)



TL;DR: How do you decide if it's a good time to ctb or not, and how do you pick a date that you'll stick to?

Well, this is kind of relatable. Sometimes we just get anxious about ctb because everyone out there says " death is terrilbe" and somehow it stays in our head even when we already know that staying alive wont matter much anyway. I can't really tell you how to pick a date, but at least for me I set near the end or beggining of the year and close to times where I'm alone... Usually before birthday
Try writing down your feelings and how you have been for the last 5 years and the reasons you plan to ctb, that migth help you undestand more of your own mind

 

[swingset_boy!]

Well, this is kind of relatable. Sometimes we just get anxious about ctb because everyone out there says " death is terrilbe" and somehow it stays in our head even when we already know that staying alive wont matter much anyway. I can't really tell you how to pick a date, but at least for me I set near the end or beggining of the year and close to times where I'm alone... Usually before birthday
Try writing down your feelings and how you have been for the last 5 years and the reasons you plan to ctb, that migth help you undestand more of your own mind

Thank you so much, that's great advice, I'll definitely start there.

 

[TBONTB]

I've been having trouble picking a date or going through with my ctb. I'm fairly certain I want to go through with it but I keep putting it off. 75% of the time I'm so unhappy and confident that I'm ready to do it any day, but 25% of the time I feel like there's one more art piece or project I need to make or one more event I need to wait for. I'm 21 and I've consistently felt this way for a little over 5 years now.

I've had my method all prepared for about 1 year now which has actually helped me mentally some, just to know I have the ability to do it any day I need to. I also have a pretty good idea of how I'd want to spend my last day, I just don't have anyone to hold me accountable or anything for a date, so if I arbitrarily pick one, when that day comes I just wonder if I can make it one more week, and then I decide to wait just to be safe, but then regret that decision as soon as I start doing really poorly again.

I think the main thing that keeps stopping me is that I don't feel like I can process everything I need to to make a final decision. I know it's not a decision anyone else can make for me, but anytime I make time to think, I feel like I have brain fog. I don't know what kind of things to take into account to decide if I want to live or not anymore and it's hard to make a rational decision about something I know as little about as what death will be like. I just never know if now is the time to ctb or not, and there's always a little doubt holding me back.

To clarify, I want to ctb, I just never know if now is the time or not. I don't really have many super important things I'm looking forward to now, things haven't really gotten better at all for me over the past 5 years, and I'm pretty seriously considering doing it this Sunday but I'm still not 100% sure if now is the time. If you have any thoughts about making up your mind to ctb or not, or how far in advance to pick a date or any way to give yourself closure I would really appreciate any thoughts any of you guys have. Tysm :)



TL;DR: How do you decide if it's a good time to ctb or not, and how do you pick a date that you'll stick to?

well, of course each person will have their own answer here. But to me, I don't know if there is a rational way to do this.

My personal gut feel with your post though, is for you it's "not yet". There's just something about the way you describe your thinking that makes me feel you have time. I don't think you need to set a date way out in the future...not now can be a good enough answer.

I personally have a time range in mind, but it's because there are some specific paperwork things that need to happen first. Sounds like you are all set there.

 

[Surai]

Idk i feel like its something that comes in the heat of a moment. Ive had times where Ive felt overwhelms with emptiness and somehow euphoric at the thought of commiting and even once got the rope and leaned my neck a bit. It seems like the opportunity arises and the conditions are met it ends up happening.

 

[Cauliflour]

Keep in mind that death is permanent so you want to make 100% sure that you've done everything you want to as there's no going back. It sounds like you still have some kind of unfinished business to attend to so I think it's best you stick around until you're dead certain there's nothing else you want to do in your life.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I found this meme, and it has truly liberated me from fears of a survival instinct. And honestly, I don't really post much else on here after this. I hope it helps you too.

 

[Freedomm]

I've been having trouble picking a date or going through with my ctb. I'm fairly certain I want to go through with it but I keep putting it off. 75% of the time I'm so unhappy and confident that I'm ready to do it any day, but 25% of the time I feel like there's one more art piece or project I need to make or one more event I need to wait for. I'm 21 and I've consistently felt this way for a little over 5 years now.

I've had my method all prepared for about 1 year now which has actually helped me mentally some, just to know I have the ability to do it any day I need to. I also have a pretty good idea of how I'd want to spend my last day, I just don't have anyone to hold me accountable or anything for a date, so if I arbitrarily pick one, when that day comes I just wonder if I can make it one more week, and then I decide to wait just to be safe, but then regret that decision as soon as I start doing really poorly again.

I think the main thing that keeps stopping me is that I don't feel like I can process everything I need to to make a final decision. I know it's not a decision anyone else can make for me, but anytime I make time to think, I feel like I have brain fog. I don't know what kind of things to take into account to decide if I want to live or not anymore and it's hard to make a rational decision about something I know as little about as what death will be like. I just never know if now is the time to ctb or not, and there's always a little doubt holding me back.

To clarify, I want to ctb, I just never know if now is the time or not. I don't really have many super important things I'm looking forward to now, things haven't really gotten better at all for me over the past 5 years, and I'm pretty seriously considering doing it this Sunday but I'm still not 100% sure if now is the time. If you have any thoughts about making up your mind to ctb or not, or how far in advance to pick a date or any way to give yourself closure I would really appreciate any thoughts any of you guys have. Tysm :)



TL;DR: How do you decide if it's a good time to ctb or not, and how do you pick a date that you'll stick to?

I can't set deadlines either. I don't even know if I'll be able to do it when the time comes. I seem to be confident in this, but when it comes to taking action, I start to panic. This eternal struggle with instincts has gotten to me.

 

[hmnow]

I've been having trouble picking a date or going through with my ctb. I'm fairly certain I want to go through with it but I keep putting it off. 75% of the time I'm so unhappy and confident that I'm ready to do it any day, but 25% of the time I feel like there's one more art piece or project I need to make or one more event I need to wait for. I'm 21 and I've consistently felt this way for a little over 5 years now.

I've had my method all prepared for about 1 year now which has actually helped me mentally some, just to know I have the ability to do it any day I need to. I also have a pretty good idea of how I'd want to spend my last day, I just don't have anyone to hold me accountable or anything for a date, so if I arbitrarily pick one, when that day comes I just wonder if I can make it one more week, and then I decide to wait just to be safe, but then regret that decision as soon as I start doing really poorly again.

I think the main thing that keeps stopping me is that I don't feel like I can process everything I need to to make a final decision. I know it's not a decision anyone else can make for me, but anytime I make time to think, I feel like I have brain fog. I don't know what kind of things to take into account to decide if I want to live or not anymore and it's hard to make a rational decision about something I know as little about as what death will be like. I just never know if now is the time to ctb or not, and there's always a little doubt holding me back.

To clarify, I want to ctb, I just never know if now is the time or not. I don't really have many super important things I'm looking forward to now, things haven't really gotten better at all for me over the past 5 years, and I'm pretty seriously considering doing it this Sunday but I'm still not 100% sure if now is the time. If you have any thoughts about making up your mind to ctb or not, or how far in advance to pick a date or any way to give yourself closure I would really appreciate any thoughts any of you guys have. Tysm :)



TL;DR: How do you decide if it's a good time to ctb or not, and how do you pick a date that you'll stick to?

I know it's sounds simple but you just know it's time. I have has two serious attempts I just knew it wa time to make a serious attempt. Any projext I had wasn't really important anymore. It was just time.

 

[Permanoir]

In my opinion, you should listen to your thoughts and see if any reasons it makes up are rational. You'll know if they are rational or not depending on whether they bothered you before or they are starting just when you have set a date. For example, a thought might be irrational if it only appears because you feel temporarily upset, if it predicts the future with certainty ("I will always be this way"), or if it's triggered solely by external pressure ("I have to set a date to prove I'm serious"). There will also almost always be some doubt and uncertainty with the decision, and at some point you have to accept it. You have to accept that you can't entirely predict your future. You have to accept that you are making an irreversible decision. If you reach the point where you know you've made your decision with the utmost clarity, then you'll know it's time. And at that point, the date won't matter.