It's all just pointless, unnecessary suffering to me, personally I'll always find it an abomination to be conscious suffering all for the sake of it just waiting to die anyway, what I ultimately have a problem with is existence itself and I'd never wish to suffer in this existence, non-existence truly is al that can bring me any relief from the terrible, harmful tragedy of existence. I only hope to be unconscious for all eternity incapable of suffering in any way, I'd always prefer to not exist but really I wish this existence was never imposed, I wish I was never forced into this existence of suffering and cruelty with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, I always suffer so much from being enslaved in this existence without the option to just painlessly die in peace and never exist ever again, I find it so horrible how a human can suffer in this existence for so long.