How do you stop caring?

[onmywaytothebusstop]

A question to those that are ctbing.

The only thing that is holding me back to ctb is my sister. We come from a dysfunctional family and at this point we don't really have any family. I don't want to leave her alone in this hellish world but at the same time i feel like im more of a burden than a support to her due to my mental health issues.

How do you stop caring about the people around you? (That you care about)

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I get stuck on that kind of thing too. The closest I get, will sound crazy or silly, but it goes like this: I think of my death casting a shadow forward in time. When I'm dead I don't care anymore, not even the tender feelings and feelings of responsibility. When I kill myself I kill all of that. I will have killed my own caring. I will feel nothing, care nothing. I bring that forward in my mind. When I get into to that state of mind it feels like the ground gives way and I'm about to fall through. It's a strangely exhilarating sensation. It might be what takes me under someday.

 

[777cave]

It just happens, I don't think you can make it happen...life just wears you down.

 

[getoutgirl]

Not currently planning on cbting, but was a month ago so here was my reasoning. I was also just tied here for years living for the sake of others, loved ones that I know I would hurt tremendously. I ended up thinking of a plan of just faking a disappearance, meticulously planning it so it seemed I had run away and I was living my best life out there, when in reality I was gonna kmyself in a place my body would never be found. I would look like an absolute jerk who never wrote back, sure, but I'd rather they hate me or forget me than mourn and hurt over me. That's the way I justified it to myself, imperfect but born out of sheer desperation I'm sure you are also familiar with. I ended up realising the lack of closure would be just marginally less painful and the added uncertainty and constant wondering was just as bad. So due to that an other things I cancelled and I'm back to staying here for others.

So yeah I don't think that's posible. You are either numbed to a point of losing all empathy, which sounds terrible and I'm really scared of even if I wish for it sometimes, or you are anchored here by your empathy and love for those around you. That is true too, the ammount of pain is usually a good meter of the love you share, which is so worth it if tragic and I at least remind myself to cherish it. You are a great sister if you are holding on here just for her even amist your own struggles and those thoughts of burden that try to push through. I'm sure she is glad to have you here. Regardless of what you ever end up doing in the future love her a lot while here and now, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that, but I also have a lil sister and I think of that daily too. Sorry I don't have an answer to your question lol. But you two take care of eachother <3

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

Not currently planning on cbting, but was a month ago so here was my reasoning. I was also just tied here for years living for the sake of others, loved ones that I know I would hurt tremendously. I ended up thinking of a plan of just faking a disappearance, meticulously planning it so it seemed I had run away and I was living my best life out there, when in reality I was gonna kmyself in a place my body would never be found. I would look like an absolute jerk who never wrote back, sure, but I'd rather they hate me or forget me than mourn and hurt over me. That's the way I justified it to myself, imperfect but born out of sheer desperation I'm sure you are also familiar with. I ended up realising the lack of closure would be just marginally less painful and the added uncertainty and constant wondering was just as bad. So due to that an other things I cancelled and I'm back to staying here for others.

So yeah I don't think that's posible. You are either numbed to a point of losing all empathy, which sounds terrible and I'm really scared of even if I wish for it sometimes, or you are anchored here by your empathy and love for those around you. That is true too, the ammount of pain is usually a good meter of the love you share, which is so worth it if tragic and I at least remind myself to cherish it. You are a great sister if you are holding on here just for her even amist your own struggles and those thoughts of burden that try to push through. I'm sure she is glad to have you here. Regardless of what you ever end up doing in the future love her a lot while here and now, I'm sure I don't need to tell you that, but I also have a lil sister and I think of that daily too. Sorry I don't have an answer to your question lol. But you two take care of eachother <3

This whole post makes me so emotional. There's alot of truth in it even if i wish it didn't. I'm happy for you that you were able to change your mind and i hope you can be "back to staying here for others" whilst also finding hapiness in life for yourself.

 

[Novaaa]

Hello!
I have a nephew that I don't know. I'm in Mexico and he is in Argentina, he is 4 years old.
I'm thinking about write some letters for him.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it all of this will be gone anyway, death is all that's inevitable and to me existing is just waiting to die, ultimately this existence doesn't matter as all will be gone and forgotten in non-existence someday no matter what, non-existence erases everything as after all nothing can matter to those who no longer exist which is all I hope for, the non-existent cannot care about anything, existence to me is just so futile, it all just leads to death anyway.

 

[Secrets1]

Having people who won't let go of us, and we can't bear to torture is a blessing and a curse. It's undeniably more of a blessing. If there's a single thing most valuable or enriching in life I think it's sharing love and a connection with others.

I empathize with your pain a lot though. I'm in a rut myself, feeling the same way.

There's a website called sibling survivors where people write anonymously to their sibling(s) who CTB. It shows a broad range of perspectives and reactions. Very emotional. Prepare yourself for a good cry if you visit. In some weird way it helps me push on further. Even if I choose to CTB in the future I'm giving them extra time without having the burden of my suicide impacting their life.

 

[WatchmeBurn]

A question to those that are ctbing.

The only thing that is holding me back to ctb is my sister. We come from a dysfunctional family and at this point we don't really have any family. I don't want to leave her alone in this hellish world but at the same time i feel like im more of a burden than a support to her due to my mental health issues.

How do you stop caring about the people around you? (That you care about)

I don't think there's anything wrong with caring and you shouldn't "try not to care", though I honestly don't think it's possible for most people NOT to.

There is no avoiding the reality that your actions would have an affect on her-likely a very negative one. If she's a dependent then I'd say it is unethical to abandon her, but idk what your specific situation is. No matter, I don't think it's right to deny the reality of one's actions and feelings. If you're not emotionally able to kill yourself then it's probably for a good reason. Not everyone SHOULD do it, frankly. If you want to live for her then try and live for her. What medications have you tried? What therapies? Think if there are other pathways for recovery you'd want to try.

Y'know when you look at suicide bereavement website you see a lot of people devastated and not a lot of people relieved about the "burden" placed on them by the dead one's mental health. That's fallacious thinking and shouldn't be used to inform your decision as it's just not true 99.9% of the times that the other person sees you as any sort of burden-certainly not one they'd want to be rid of.

 

[suicidal jirai]

A question to those that are ctbing.

The only thing that is holding me back to ctb is my sister. We come from a dysfunctional family and at this point we don't really have any family. I don't want to leave her alone in this hellish world but at the same time i feel like im more of a burden than a support to her due to my mental health issues.

How do you stop caring about the people around you? (That you care about)

I think it kinda starts to happen when life completely breaks you and your mental state feels weird in a way it never has before, when you get to the point you are so isolated and numb, those feelings are also numb but in my experience, sometimes they come back right as I'm about to attempt to CTB.