Discussion How do you make yourself cut?

[ssfox]

I'm not able to make the blade touch my skin at all. "Do it", "it will be good", and other forms of encouragements are not only against the rules here, but it also simply won't help me. I wonder how I can make myself do it, not how others can encourage me to do it. I'm just too weak...
What was your motivation to be able to do it?

 

[MephiticShadow]

I always just thought about all the shit inside and letting it all flow out of me. Or I'd think about how much I hate myself and wanting to watch myself all flow out of me
Or sometimes I'd just want to feel something, anything at all besides the abyss
Maybe it's just not for you. Thats ok too

 

[Misanthrope0000]

I can only cut myself when my negative emotions are pretty high, otherwise I'll also hesitate
During that period my mind is foggy and just want to cope with emotional pain.
I relapsed today after months of being clean and it happened during a stressful moment

 

[Pangs93]

If you're struggling to do it, that's a sign you shouldn't do it. Even after 20+ years cutting myself, sometimes I struggle to actually start and usually I won't force it when that happens. Something is stopping me, I should listen to it. And when I do push past that and force myself to cut anyway, something almost always goes wrong.

Can I ask why you want to start cutting? What do you hope to get out of it?

 

[BloodStainedAntlers]

I agree with whats been said before, if there's something stopping you its probably best if you dont do it. I've been selfharming since age 10 and for me its also mostly something that happens when negative emotions are overwhelming me. Sometimes I'll get the urge even when things aren't as bad, but then its a lot harder for me to do it if i do give in. I guess for me it's also about feeling like im in control of my own pain when it gets too much to bear, or a way to 'release' overwhelming negative emotions.

But honestly man, I know it's not something you want to hear, but I still feel compelled to tell you that if you can avoid starting to cut yourself, i really really recommend you avoid it. It's addictive and it can be quite a pain in the ass having to hide the injuries or also taking care of them, sometimes things can get infected and worst case you might have to seek medical care for it and its just... one of the things you'd be better off without.

But then again I don't want to tell you what to do or whats best for you, i understand that maybe you need something to cope with life, i get that.
Just be safe & be careful please, yeah?

 

[voidstar]

If you can, don't start. That's coming from someone who's self-harmed since I was 5.
When I'm okay I don't feel the urge, but once my negative emotions build up it's a way to feel anything else but that. Also kind of to punish myself. Like a vent that lets off steam? I'm in so much pain that I just NEED to feel anything else but that. But it can also get frantic and you cut too deep and there's some shame afterwards.
But don't start, it's not good for you. I've learned that I can distract myself up to a certain point but once I'm over that threshold nothing else helps.

 

[ssfox]

Can I ask why you want to start cutting? What do you hope to get out of it?

Self punishment, "looks hot" and also the relief. I know that if I scratch myself hard enough, I feel something special.

 

[MephiticShadow]

Looks hot??? Like, scars are sexy? Awesome

 

[ssfox]

Yeah. That probably should've been mentioned on #1...

 

[Pangs93]

Self punishment, "looks hot" and also the relief. I know that if I scratch myself hard enough, I feel something special.

Punishment and relief were the reasons I started, when I was a kid. Nowadays, after so long doing this (and also falling down the extreme SH path), I no longer get any relief. It usually just makes me feel worse. I don't even do it when I feel bad anymore, really. Now its so compulsive, rather than impulsive. Every day I'm plagued by obsessive thoughts about and unbearable urges for SH. I don't even want to do it anymore but I can only resist the compulsions for so long before they become unbearable and I have to act on them. My scars I once did find quite visually appealing but now after years and years of scars over scars over scars, I look revoluting, genuinely. Like a lumpy corpse. I couldn't in good conscience show my scars in public. I'd scare the general population. I have so much nerve damage and chronic pain from SH too.

Of course, SH doesn't always end up being this way for everyone. Some dont become so hopelessly addicted to it, some never escalate their harm at all, but many also do. Just as a warning. You may get relief from it in the short term but end up getting nothing but misery from it long term. Though it is ofc your decision and I can't/won't stop you. If you do end up cutting, just be safe about it, yeah? Don't lose yourself to it.

 

[voidstar]

Punishment and relief were the reasons I started, when I was a kid. Nowadays, after so long doing this (and also falling down the extreme SH path), I no longer get any relief. It usually just makes me feel worse. I don't even do it when I feel bad anymore, really. Now its so compulsive, rather than impulsive. Every day I'm plagued by obsessive thoughts about and unbearable urges for SH. I don't even want to do it anymore but I can only resist the compulsions for so long before they become unbearable and I have to act on them. My scars I once did find quite visually appealing but now after years and years of scars over scars over scars, I look revoluting, genuinely. Like a lumpy corpse. I couldn't in good conscience show my scars in public. I'd scare the general population. I have so much nerve damage and chronic pain from SH too.

Of course, SH doesn't always end up being this way for everyone. Some dont become so hopelessly addicted to it, some never escalate their harm at all, but many also do. Just as a warning. You may get relief from it in the short term but end up getting nothing but misery from it long term. Though it is ofc your decision and I can't/won't stop you. If you do end up cutting, just be safe about it, yeah? Don't lose yourself to it.

I'm so sorry it's come to this extreme point :( I've been down that road before, it's possible to get better again but it's fuckin hard. I hope there's a way for you. And please reach out if you need anyone! Sending virtual hugs.

 

[Pangs93]

I'm so sorry it's come to this extreme point :( I've been down that road before, it's possible to get better again but it's fuckin hard. I hope there's a way for you. And please reach out if you need anyone! Sending virtual hugs.

Thank you I fear there's no coming back from the things I've done and seen. My mind is so broken atp. Maybe one day, though!

I'm so glad you got out! Its good to see it is possible!