How do you feel right now?

[Meteora]

See title.
________________

I feel horrible. Praying for the courage to ctb.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel awful as usual. I should be asleep right now but I'm struggling to fall asleep so I'm just awake using this site. Though, on the flip side, all my other family members are asleep right now which means I get quietness and tranquility all to myself which I like. It's a shame it'll end soon though

 

[Little_Suzy]

Despite having the urge to eat, I am devoid of both appetite and energy. Therefore, I don't eat.

 

[KafkaF]

Laying in bed.

Wish I could teleport to the last night I spent with my previous girlfriend or before that.

If not that and I won't die in my sleep again, I want to at least dream of her. To see her smile and to hold her in my arms again and kiss her and pull her close.

 

[arnxxx]

Like every morning. Anxious, depressed. Thinking about stuff and worrying about small things. I wish I knew when this depression was over. It's been 8-9 months now.

 

[struggles_inc]

I feel aggressive and angry, like I'm about to say something I will regret later.

 

[juna]

Sad, crying in bed. No idea how I am going to hold on in the future.

 

[Ash]

Anxious, depressed, tired. I've finally taken Recovery off "ignore" and I don't know why. I feel like I'm in stasis rather than recovering or hitting rock bottom.

 

[Meteora]

I m still tired, hoping no feelings regarding my ex will come up. I just have to distract myself somehow, once I cry it seems I can't stop anymore.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Numb. Everything is flat, grey, nothing, and that is a feeling I can't handle. My mind is running a thousand circles that are tangling together in a scramble. Insomnia is a plague. My body feels too wired to sleep. I know I'll regret posting so much later, but being in a loop of endless thoughts becoming darker by the minute, it's difficult to stop my impulse.

Lately it's nothing but all consuming fear, nightmares, and futile thoughts of people long gone; good or bad, it doesn't matter, because they've made their choices and they're not coming back. Months have passed, over a year for some, but the the hurt always comes crawling back when I'm trying to sleep.

 

[trashprincess]

Lost af

Don't want to die, convinced I'm too disabled for life, so I just feel trapped in my misery with nothing I can do about it.

I just want someone to help me

 

[Meteora]

@trashprincess hug you

 

[trashprincess]

@trashprincess hug you

*hugs back*

 

[terra.nuvo]

Pretty bad I'd say. Kinda like a failure and a loser. I'm back where I started: no job and no prospects. Just laying on the couch praying for death to come.

 

[tronix]

Overthinking. As usual.

 

[Kit1]

Suicidal

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Annoyingly awake and energetic. Despite a long winter mountain hike (20 miles/10h) and then still went to circuits at the gym when I got back to town (1h drive). Satisfyingly achey legs, but not knackered like I want to be.

 

[Ash]

Can't stop thinking about yesterday and remembering new things that make it worse. Consequently suicidal.

 

[Dliena]

Meh for me not the worst not the best but I do hope you will soon or later be able to find and be one/unified with eternal peace in life or death OP/anybody else that stumbles upon this post.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

There's a sense of looming dread over me. I feel okay for now, but it's just a matter before I relapse. My entire life is dedicated to just avoiding crippling emotional pain.

 

[AbandonedApe]

Terrified, nauseous, panicking. Afraid that this week will be my end one way or another because of events I can't prevent. I want everything to be okay, I want my family to be telling the truth that the creepy family friend won't visit this week but I see no other way out if he does. Just trying to calm myself and tell myself I can trust them and that won't happen and things will be okay. My Xanax helped a little but I am still a frightened mess. I want things to be okay. I desperately want things to be okay.

 

[Ash]

Tired, headache, despondent, want to stay in bed all day but it's not raining this morning and my poor dog is owed a good, long walk. She's been so patient this week but I think she'll burst from all that excess energy if she doesn't get a run around soon. And I need a break from keeping her mentally entertained and thinking. And some exercise for myself.

Why do I keep waking up every morning?

 

[Meteora]

Tired, headache, despondent, want to stay in bed all day but it's not raining this morning and my poor dog is owed a good, long walk. She's been so patient this week but I think she'll burst from all that excess energy if she doesn't get a run around soon. And I need a break from keeping her mentally entertained and thinking. And some exercise for myself.

Why do I keep waking up every morning?

I can walk your dog :). Would love to do that.

 

[Ash]

I can walk your dog :). Would love to do that.

I'd love to be able to share her with people who would enjoy getting out with an overly curious wee beastie but she's got really bad separation anxiety so you'd have to take me, as well. At least I'm less likely to eat or roll in Vile Things

 

[Meteora]

I'd love to be able to share her with people who would enjoy getting out with an overly curious wee beastie but she's got really bad separation anxiety so you'd have to take me, as well. At least I'm less likely to eat or roll in Vile Things

I hope you both will have a nice long walk in the forest today <3

 

[arnxxx]

Depressed, anxious. Same shit different day. I'm on the train to my rTMS treatment (takes over an hour). Browsing this website and wondering how long I have to endure this. I reached some sort of limit last week. The bad feelings were just too much and all I could do was cry and be angry. My counsellor didn't know what to do with me. Now it's not AS bad but still bad.
I'm just... Sad. Feels like Im waiting forever for this to end. I don't want to ctb. I still have hope but its becoming less by the day.

 

[Ash]

Dog is happy and relaxed after a top walk. She even rolled in Something Vile as predicted but either my sense of smell is broken or she didn't get any on her. Either way, no bath for her!

I'm embarrassingly tired after the exertion but pleased with myself for going. I was even mentally planning how to build up my fitness (again) so we can go out on longer walks and then get back into the mountains when I realised that my ankle was aching so first I've got to get that sorted and then I can think about going further.


So I'm actually back to being despondent as it seems as though that every time things pick up, I get firmly put back in my place.

 

[Meteora]

So sad and tired of this life. And tired of complaining and not taking action.

 

[SilentAssimilation]

I feel great today. I was able to get out for a walk by myself. Since my brain messed with me, I haven't been able to get out for walks independently. I haven't felt comfortable walking alone. Walking by myself feels like victory. I'm going to push my regular neurologist to diagnose me with FND. Functional Neurologic Disorder. The specialist who I saw in the ER floated the diagnoses. When I saw him again he told me it's a good sign my symptoms are episodic. I'm also having success with a self-hosted AI chat-bot for doing therapy. Think chatGPT, but on your own machine. It's much better for privacy, and you don't have to worry about your mental health struggles being viewable by a huge corporation. There's also no mandated reporting. I tested it while disconnected from my LAN and internet. It worked fine. I used LM Studio to download the Qwen chat-bot. I just ignore the sugesstions to see a professional. I'm going to bring that up next time I chat with it. I hope it'll stop making the sugesstions if I tell it they aren't helpful.

 

[Ash]

Tired.