Help How to not be scared of living?

[calicowolf]

Just what the title says, I think that when I'm most suicidal is when I'm so scared of living that CTB seems like the only solution, how do you deal with being scared of living? I do go to therapy but I don't feel like it helps with this thing in particular

 

[d4nknee]

idk if this will help/even makes sense as it is a bit unconventional but my mentality that i got from my favourite youtuber (ludwig) is that either everything will eventually work itself out in the end or you die and if you're okay with both, then you'll be okay. since i'm okay with ctb myself/death in general, i guess life will work itself out or ctb it is (not to say lets act impulsively but the option is there). being suicidal made the second requirement ez to get over and just the requirement for living that much easier.

 

[WPeregrine]

idk if this will help/even makes sense as it is a bit unconventional but my mentality that i got from my favourite youtuber (ludwig) is that either everything will eventually work itself out in the end or you die and if you're okay with both, then you'll be okay. since i'm okay with ctb myself/death in general, i guess life will work itself out or ctb it is (not to say lets act impulsively but the option is there). being suicidal made the second requirement ez to get over and just the requirement for living that much easier.

This is such a good insight, and I'm kind of experiencing that now as well. In the past week I got suicidal ideations again. It's not the first time, but it is the first time that I did not feel disturbed by it. Like, for the first time realizing that, "yeah, wanting to die is a perfectly acceptable thought/feeling, and also perfectly acceptable to act upon if it really needs to come to that." And accepting that that is true, makes the thought of living life (and the possibility of failing at it) a lot less scary - it either works out, or you die. If you cannot accept the latter (fear of death), succeeding at life becomes so critical, that you become terrified of failing at it (and thus become terrified of living). Removing the fear of death, also removes the fear of living.

Profound realization. I hope I also manage to actualize that in my life.

 

[meowpuppy]

i think that, aside from trying to change your mind wrt life, you can try to deal with the scary parts of life by, A, either trying to smother them in calm, soothing parts, or B, avoiding

 

[MessyNonsense]

What form of therapy do you go to? How do you specifically experience being "scared of living" as you say---is it like a fight/flight response type of feeling, or is it more of a dull soul-sucking dread, or does it mainly involve a bunch of thoughts, or is it something else?

You might find this post i made in another thread helpful: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ve-you-found-most-helpful.251439/post-3545937

 

[calicowolf]

What form of therapy do you go to? How do you specifically experience being "scared of living" as you say---is it like a fight/flight response type of feeling, or is it more of a dull soul-sucking dread, or does it mainly involve a bunch of thoughts, or is it something else?

You might find this post i made in another thread helpful: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ve-you-found-most-helpful.251439/post-3545937

I have no idea what kind of therapy I get, I'm in the public health system where I live so is not the best in general, they give me some like worksheets, sometimes cbt, sometimes just mindfulness, mainly to help with anxiety, I only go like once or twice a month, I can't afford to go privatly tho xd we never really talk about being suicidal ig, just the typical don't do it, call someone, etc. I will go look up what you mentioned in your other post, sounds interesting
As for how I experience being scared of living is like being frozen in terror when is at it's worst, being overwhelmed by just all the possibilities of things that can happen

idk if this will help/even makes sense as it is a bit unconventional but my mentality that i got from my favourite youtuber (ludwig) is that either everything will eventually work itself out in the end or you die and if you're okay with both, then you'll be okay. since i'm okay with ctb myself/death in general, i guess life will work itself out or ctb it is (not to say lets act impulsively but the option is there). being suicidal made the second requirement ez to get over and just the requirement for living that much easier.

That sounds interesting, ig I struggle I lot with panicking over anything and everything xd maybe I should work towards being more accepting about these feelings and thoughts I have instead of letting panic take over everytime, I will look into that, Thanks!

 

[MessyNonsense]

As for how I experience being scared of living is like being frozen in terror when is at it's worst, being overwhelmed by just all the possibilities of things that can happen

Yeah you sound like you'd benefit from polyvagal work

 

[d4nknee]

That sounds interesting, ig I struggle I lot with panicking over anything and everything xd maybe I should work towards being more accepting about these feelings and thoughts I have instead of letting panic take over everytime, I will look into that, Thanks!

I'm happy it makes sense! Acceptance is definitely a good place to help deal with panic.