how do you feel right now? don’t even think about it, just type.

[SR20DET]

I feel bad for myself

 

[Hi_I_am_Dead_Weight]

I couldn't think of a word. I've spent so much of my life distracting myself from my feelings that it became hard for me to identify them.

 

[Sakura.]

I want to die so badly...


Somehow, I don't have a tendency to cut myself, which obviously is rather a good thing, but at times like these I really wish I did...

I would like to hurt my hands and feel some relief through the pain, because I can no longer cope with the tension I feel all the time...


I always feel bad, but today my body was literally constricted by the nerves and mental pain I feel...

Rejection and not belonging caused me paralyzing suffering today...

***

I can't stand that I'm too autistic for everything...

I see every day how each of these things pass me by, and I suffer so terribly because of it...


The event I dreamed of attending has passed, and of course I couldn't take part in it because I'm a retarded, dysfunctional autistic...

Will I wait another year for it, only to not attend it because I can't because of my extreme autism and handicap? Just like I waited for it this year? And the year before?


Everything is inaccessible to me. My whole life is wasted...

 

[Jesse96]

I'm working my way through a bottle of vodka to numb the debilitating anxiety I struggle with. I am trying to figure out a way to end this suffering. I am hopeless and sad.

 

[Sakura.]

I can't wait to finally die...


I wish I could finally do it. I wish the obstacle to it in the form of my family would finally be gone... That they would be able to endure my suicide, or in some other way...

And since that is impossible, I wish that I would finally have a terminal illness and that I could finally stop suffering...


The suffering that I am going through, the rejection, and the impossibility of changing it, is really too much for me...

 

[Skiz0]

God, I feel so weird. Yesterday I finally gave up on humanity and society in general. I'm not gonna look for friendships or romantic relationships anymore, those things just don't work for someone like me. I've come to the conclusion that I'm already dead mentally, I just need to make it happen physically too.

I'm sad, but at the same time, there's a weird peace in realizing this. Nothing else in the world matters to me anymore, I just need to work toward the end.

 

[CutToRelease]

I'm back to feeling like I'm someone else watching my body doing things and I just get to watch. I wont last tho never does. Might pass out and walk up "me" or I might still be whatever u call what I am right now.

 

[amaterasu :-)]

I am useless
some days I can't move, to think or have a conversation, and even lifting my eyelids feels like work,
feel dazed all the time and like lose my cognitive abilities
my memory is crap for a long time now,
I only remeber vaguely and I also forget things even if I try hard.

 

[Grog]

I feel so grateful, and so hopeful…
Most people probably haven't seen what I've posted about lately, but, long story short, my brother is very mentally unwell and very dangerous to be around. He became manic, hit me — and this was far from the first time. But I don't make much money and don't know how to escape this scary, dangerous environment.

But, my friend offered to let me live with him for a while for a very cheap rent price. Oh my god, I feel like I might be able to breathe again! Feel alive again! I want to get away from my terrible home life so bad… maybe, finally, I can…

The feeling hasn't fully hit me yet, probably because I haven't started the moving process yet. But, when I do, I'm sure I'll finally be able to cry tears of joy instead of tears of sorrow.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want my dinner to make itself and levitate its way to me. I'm too tired to move.

 

[myucore]

comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. between not wanting to becoming miserable and accepting that im miserable- feel like i couldn't pick what to feel. it's never ending question and debates in my head whether which feeling should i feel in this exact situation. my life not going better, but should i be happy about it? happy accepting my miserable self? or should i find happiness by trying more? potentially doing things outside of what i want or needing in the first place...

debates in my head tires me...

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

First new psychologist today. She's nice, but I have the feeling I won't do what she wants me to do. (aka try)

 

[Sakura.]

I suffer all the time. Every second of my life...

My suffering is terrifying. But at certain moments, it is even worse than terrifying...


At such moments – like now – I lie in bed and try to endure it...

I try to calm it down...

I try to make it stop, at least partially...


So that I can suffer only terrifying again...

***

I am unrecoverable...

The causes of my suffering are unchangeable...

I have no way of getting better and stopping suffering...

I don't even have much more capacity to cope with this suffering even better than I already do...


I will not become more resilient than I already am. I will not start living peacefully and happily in the situation I am in...

And I am unable to change this situation...


Severe, handicap-like autism takes away all my chances of recovery... It closes all paths for me...


No matter how much effort, sacrifice and hard work I put into trying to improve my situation, I am unable to change it...


By trying to get better, trying to stop suffering so much, I am doing myself even more harm than by living in the state I am in...


And at the same time, this state is unbearable...

I cannot accept it...

I cannot be at peace with being in it..


So I still have a desire to get better, I cannot be at peace in my situation, I cannot accept it...


I hurt myself by merely having the desire to get better, and I hurt myself by trying to fulfil it...

 

[dead dav]

Weary and under valued

 

[Sakura.]

I feel like someone who is dying of a terminal illness...

My mental suffering is devastating me so much as if it were cancer...


I still can't believe that everyone sees how horribly I suffer...

...that some people even know that I want to commit suicide so much and that I can basically do it at any time...

...and still no one reacts...

***

Any human connection with another person could change my life so much...

If I had just one friend who would be able to accept me and who would like to spend time with me, I could be so happy despite all my horrible problems...

...

And yet no one decides to do something like that...

Even small gestures of sympathy towards me are too much for them...


They will continue to watch me die from my suffering, they will continue to watch me on the road to suicide, and they will still not react...

 

[zixd]

Hate ! self hate and life hate , also hated by life

 

[gothbird]

Honestly? Like shit.

My chest hurts from coughing, my head feels like it's full of wet cotton, and emotionally I'm just worn out. Depressed in that dull, numb way where everything feels far away. Heart's cracked open and I don't even know what to do with it anymore. Nothing feels like it fits. I've been going through the motions but not actually in anything. Just tired, sad, sick, and a bit lost.

 

[throwaway112]

I've had 4-5 panic attacks in the span of 4 hours, I don't wanna do this anymore.

 

[badluckbetty]

Tired and sad. Been venting to AI all day about my problems, and even it got sick of listening to me and told me to consult a suicide helpline. I've been pushing forward for years trying to make things better, and haven't gotten anywhere. At this point I'm alive so I can feed my cat, and because I'm the only family my mother has left. She's getting older, but I'm afraid she'll live a long time which means I'd have to stick around for decades. I don't know if I can do it, but this hasn't been much of a life in a long time. I have accepted that I can't make it better, and the best life I'll get is one where I'm locked inside 24/7 for years and years, without any meaningful contact with other people. I have been dealing with some health issues that won't go away though, and I'm hoping it's something that will get worse and be terminal. I would feel guilty either way but at least I wouldn't have a choice with that. I just want it to end. Whether it's by illness or an accident, life has gone nowhere for me. It will continue to go nowhere. I don't see the point of any of this anymore.

 

[Britney Spears]

 

[Grog]

I wish I was worthy of love.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I wish I was worthy of love.

You are worthy of love. You always were. You just needed someone to see that.

 

[SailorBlue]

I feel like a pathetic coward, hate myself more than anything.
I would like to live but I can't, not like this.

 

[SomeoneHelpMe]

Completely numb. I havent fehlt emotions in a Long Time. I cant Deal with them, If I only feel a Sliver of one, it makes me want to Scratch my skin Off. I Just cant Deal with them. I tend to SH when that Happens.

 

[afinedaytoexit]

I feel like shit and torn inside, but really glad I found community here, just got my account validated. Finally able to cry a little. I love y'all.

 

[SomeoneHelpMe]

I feel like shit and torn inside, but really glad I found community here, just got my account validated. Finally able to cry a little. I love y'all.

My account was just validated too. I understand your feelings. I also feel like I am being torn apart, and so thankful and grateful for this community. I cant wait to be a part of it.