Discussion How do you cope with having no friends?

[Suizid]

I haven't Connected with a human being in a deep way since many years. I can feel my body getting sick because of it. My left eye is twitching constantly. I have had pain in my heart and stomach for years.

Well everything has 2 Sides. Because i have no one in my life, i'm able to think alot about my life and what i do and don't like to do. I love Bikepacking. Driving to remote locations with a tent and Camping without talking to anyone. I can just be myself. Just me and Nature. After i come back home i feel energized. I feel like a different Person for 1-2 weeks. I used to love watching every movie i could find, but doom scrolling is really getting in the way of that.

 

[TheHolySword]

I don't. I'm trying to die to escape this loneliness

 

[Lycoris]

I don't really have any friends either, just people that I've had history with that I catchup with from time to time as a coping mechanism so I can maintain some sort of barebones support system. I really admire that you still have things to come back to that you can reliably enjoy like nature. Maybe its worth holding onto that as long as you feel you're able to.

 

[ABadPerson]

I don't really, and I just don't care about anything else in life outside a certain type of human connection so I just mentally break down quite often.

 

[vitbar]

I wasn't coping well. Thankfully I made friends with some people.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

I have practically 0 social contact with people IRL or online for months now. Only when necessary, like my psychiatrist appointments where I am forced to go. Honestly i'm surprised with how well I deal, I hardly feel 'lonely' most of the time. I think it only really hits when I see something entertaining, funny or a subject to debate about and I say to myself, i'd love to talk about that with someone. Then i realise there is absolutely nobody. I then move on to something else. Denial is powerful.

 

[darksouls]

people only exploited me, all my social contacts were fake friends, I gave up hope of finding real friends a long time ago

 

[Lycoris]

people only exploited me, all my social contacts were fake friends, I gave up hope of finding real friends a long time ago

Im in the same boat sadly, I think part of it is realizing most people dont have the emotional energy to deal with how inconsistent or unstable I can become. I hate that you need a support system to overcome severe depression but depression also saps away your ability to build one at the same time.

 

[Xielian]

I maladaptive daydream and make up stories with my favorite characters interacting. I kind of live vicariously through them, or I go sit in a café and people watch. But I don't think I'm coping all too well at all and constantly long for the end.

sometimes curious strangers will ask about my wheelchair when I'm out, but I'm too socially awkward and bad at small talk to carry a conversation.

 

[Lycoris]

I maladaptive daydream and make up stories with my favorite characters interacting. I kind of live vicariously through them, or I go sit in a café and people watch. But I don't think I'm coping all too well at all and constantly long for the end.

sometimes curious strangers will ask about my wheelchair when I'm out, but I'm too socially awkward and bad at small talk to carry a conversation.

It kinda hurts how much I relate to this lol... maybe the constant yearning is proof we think we deserved more for ourselves sadly

 

[Suizid]

Im in the same boat sadly, I think part of it is realizing most people dont have the emotional energy to deal with how inconsistent or unstable I can become. I hate that you need a support system to overcome severe depression but depression also saps away your ability to build one at the same time.

That's very true unfortunantly.
The same is true for Social Anxiety.

I always hated the fact that Social Anxiety even exists. In my Opinion it is one of the worst mental illnesses. I like to compare it to having Rabies. You need Water to survive, but when you have rabies your body goes into hydrophobia (fear of water) so you dehydrate and die.

We need people and connection to not go insane or become suicidal. But social anxiety isolates you from everyone. You avoid every social Interaction. You crave love and Attention but fear it like death when it comes your way. And when you have had enough and force yourself to be social it just doesn't work because you have to force yourself. You just can't connect with anyone anymore. You Lose social skills as time Passes. Your body gets ill. Its hell.

I hate Social Anxiety so much and i hate god if He exists for making that a thing.

 

[Lycoris]

That's very true unfortunantly.
The same is true for Social Anxiety.

I always hated the fact that Social Anxiety even exists. In my Opinion it is one of the worst mental illnesses. I like to compare it to having Rabies. You need Water to survive, but when you have rabies your body goes into hydrophobia (fear of water) so you dehydrate and die.

We need people and connection to not go insane or become suicidal. But social anxiety isolates you from everyone. You avoid every social Interaction. You crave love and Attention but fear it like death when it comes your way. And when you have had enough and force yourself to be social it just doesn't work because you have to force yourself. You just can't connect with anyone anymore. You Lose social skills as time Passes. Your body gets ill. Its hell.

I hate Social Anxiety so much and i hate god if He exists for making that a thing.

I agree 100% and the fact social anxiety is seen as either being shy or misconstrued as caring too much about what people think like we are narcissistic is so hurtful. If anything, other people with this anxiety tend to hate themselves and feel guilt/ashamed at avoiding such an everyday part of life. I've learned to stop caring about what other people think but it has not helped how nervous I get when i'm out in a social situation because I no longer fake parts of my personality to make things "smoother". I just want to be myself but I cant deny it hurts even more when people are rude or it ends up being a negative social interaction. Isn't it natural to want to avoid pain? Why are we judging people for not touching a stove that gets hot... I never understood it

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wouldn't say I have no friends but, my friendships are far looser now. I think I had too much intensity about me wanting closer friendships. While they maybe gave me some of my happier moments, they were very hurtful too. That's not to blame them necessarily. I think I wanted too much.

I just got to a point I think where the penny dropped- that after a number of losses- people moving away, people dying, people simply being unreliable- I figured it wasn't worth the hurt.

So, I try to consciously expect less of people now. I can still fall into the trap of feeling that rush of enthusiasm/ excitement when I really connect with someone but, I'm more careful to temper it now.

It's gone into reverse in some ways also- in that I've tried to let most friendships naturally drift. I figure that if CTB is on the horizon, it will hopefully make the impact less.

Really though- I believe friendship is like everything else in life. It needs actively pursuing and maintaining and, there's always the risk of rejection and failure. I'm simply not willing to put the effort in now.

I'm fairly lucky I suppose in terms of coping seeing as I rarely feel lonely. My life is mostly full of work but, I try to distract myself as much as possible with stuff on in the background. If I need interaction though- I reach out. On here. To a friend I still text with. I guess it's luck that I've reached a stage I rarely want more than that.

 

[Dark Moon]

I haven't made any friends in a very long time, I don't cope with it well but there's little to nothing I can do about it. I also have been exploited before, so I'm wary of new friends.

Part of me wants friends because of the loneliness and isolation and part of me doesn't want any.

 

[freezme02]

I think I'm past the point where I even want friends anymore. I know it's selfish, but having to put effort into maintaining a friendship makes me feel just as sick and the loneliness does.

I wish I had someone I could just sit in silence with and enjoy each other's company.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I don't cope, as I don't need them. People in the past hurt me and used me for their gain so many times, I just dont have the need to have a friend.
I wasn't always like that. I used to like having friends, but sadly never in my entire life did i had a true friend. People hate someone who has asperger's.

 

[heywey]

I think I'm past the point where I even want friends anymore. I know it's selfish, but having to put effort into maintaining a friendship makes me feel just as sick and the loneliness does.

I wish I had someone I could just sit in silence with and enjoy each other's company.

God I relate to this. I want friends in theory, but when I actually try it always gets to be too much sooner or later. Sitting in companionable silence is all I ever want.

I wish making friends with humans was more like making friends with cats. Sit at a distance for a while, no introduction or small talk, just get a feel for each other's vibe until you're comfortable sitting closer.

 

[Pluto]

 

[kittyloverxd]

i study until i go back to sleep and do it all again

 

[petmom]

I feel like it can start numbing reality a little bit. Life feels less enjoyable and like a whole lot of nothing.

 

[Spite]

Having gone through most of my life without friends, how do you cope with it? You don't, really.

In my experience I've had to rely on lots of media and entertainment to fill the void of friendlessness. Listening to lots of good music helps. So does playing video games, watching movies/shows, reading books, and going on aimless drives out into the countryside just to clear my head. These all feel like temporary band-aids, though, and it does little to mitigate the crux of the problem - that going through life without friends is torture. I truly believe a life void of friendship is one of the most hellish things a person could ever experience.

I had practically no friends in both primary school and high school, and it was crushingly lonely for me to have to go through school feeling so invisible and unwanted. It's a unique kind of pain that only an unfortunate few people ever have to go through.

For me personally, seeing other people out in public hanging out with their friends, enjoying life and having a good time is what stings the most, probably more than simply having no friends. It feels like the equivalent of dangling food in front of a starving person and teasing them with it. In the past, I have often felt envy at seeing people around my age (in their 20s) hanging out and having a good time together as a group, because it would serve as a painful reminder of what I have missed out on.

Friends are a huge part of the human experience and most friendships form naturally and easily for the vast majority of people. I have, by and large, missed out on that.

It definitely feels like you're playing through life on the hardest difficulty when you have no friends. Sometimes it feels like it's not a life worth living.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Typically I chat to family online and fill my day with walking the dog, errands, and a lot of youtube, music, movies and games. I work a bit online. I'll hang with my gf and watch some tv with her. I buy tasty food, some alcohol too, to numb my mind a little. That's pretty much it. I've done this for as long as I can remember.

 

[nocatwaslost]

For me it is hard to find friends too because as @Lycoris said:

Im in the same boat sadly, I think part of it is realizing most people dont have the emotional energy to deal with how inconsistent or unstable I can become. I hate that you need a support system to overcome severe depression but depression also saps away your ability to build one at the same time.

depression makes it even harder to gain friends and I find that people who haven't experienced anxiety attacks, suicide thoughts or depression can't get a real grasp of what it feels like. So I try to find persons who are aware of mental health because they know what it is like to suffer psychologically. But there aren't many people who do and additionally there also needs to be some kind of chemistry in order for it to work. and that sucks

 

[Suizid]

For me it is hard to find friends too because as @Lycoris said:

depression makes it even harder to gain friends and I find that people who haven't experienced anxiety attacks, suicide thoughts or depression can't get a real grasp of what it feels like. So I try to find persons who are aware of mental health because they know what it is like to suffer psychologically. But there aren't many people who do and additionally there also needs to be some kind of chemistry in order for it to work. and that sucks

I'm totally the same.

 

[nocatwaslost]

I'm totally the same.

are you able to get professional help or counselling? although I still do suffer very much it helps a lot. Maybe it can also help to alleviate your doomscrolling? It sounds very nice that you have these activities that help you and make you feel good. Can you try to do them more?

 

[Suizid]

are you able to get professional help or counselling? although I still do suffer very much it helps a lot. Maybe it can also help to alleviate your doomscrolling? It sounds very nice that you have these activities that help you and make you feel good. Can you try to do them more?

I went to DBT for almost 3 years, with little to no lasting effect. I gotta say tho, it was nice having soneone to talk to, even if i had to Pay for it. I want to try a different therapy where it's not so practical like DBT but more talking and stuff idk.

Yeah, thank god i found bikepacking as a hobby. Its really more like a passion at this point. Without it i would be much more miserable and angry. So its Kind of what therapy does to you, glad it helps you.

 

[nocatwaslost]

Wow, I have been going to therapy for over 4 years and it is a mix of CBT and Psychoanalysis and it definitely helped me a lot. I am very grateful that I have my therapist although it is going to end soon. Although I had 2 assholes before and it was a lot of work to secure a seat. If you can, I can only encourage you to try different people. Judging from your name you are from Germany too?

2 years after the last appointment of your previous therapy you can start a new one. At least if you are in Germany.

 

[scordatura]

I tolerate it because I understand I am a hassle to deal with and would probably cause them more pain in the long run. The isolation is hard though. But I try to be productive somehow, writing music and such.
I like bikepacking too and spending hours under my tarp in heavy rain, there's something about it, being out in rough weather but feeling cosy cause your dry and warm.

 

[Suizid]

Wow, I have been going to therapy for over 4 years and it is a mix of CBT and Psychoanalysis and it definitely helped me a lot. I am very grateful that I have my therapist although it is going to end soon. Although I had 2 assholes before and it was a lot of work to secure a seat. If you can, I can only encourage you to try different people. Judging from your name you are from Germany too?

2 years after the last appointment of your previous therapy you can start a new one. At least if you are in Germany.

Ich antworte dir mal auf deutsch ah, ich meinte auch 'CBT', also wo man an seinem Verhalten etc. arbeitet. Psychoanalyse würde ich gerne noch ausprobieren. Ich fand meinen Therapeuten schon kompetent, aber wir hatten nicht so wirklich eine Verbindung glaube ich.

Wusste ich nicht, dann könnte ich eig jetzt wieder ein platz suchen. Bin aber in par monat eh 1 jahr auf Europa Reise mit dem fahrrad, also wenn, dann dannach.

Musst du dann 2 Jahre warten bevor du wieder in Therapie kannst?

 

[nocatwaslost]

Ja also therapeutische Beziehung ist schon ziemlich wichtig, wenn nicht sogar am wichtigsten. Schade, dass ihr das nicht hattet. Ich würde dir wünschen, dass du da jemanden findest, der besser passt!

Aber freut mich zu hören, dass du bald eine Europareise machst! Das klingt richtig gut. Wo geht es denn überall hin(wenn du erzählen magst)? Hab leider noch nicht die Chat bzw PN Funktion hier freigeschalten (ehh).

Zum Glück nicht, da mein Therapeut da ziemlich kompetent war . Aber ich gehe demnächst sowieso tatsächlich erstmal in eine Klinik und lass mich da behandeln.