Discussion how do y'all feel ab ppl who suicide bait?

[dreamofnofuture]

and convergently, how do you feel ab ppl who fall for suicide-baiting and end up having some negative few ab suicide and mentally ill ppl? (this isn't a common result, but I've read of some ppl who have been abused and suicide-baited who end up developing some biases towards suicidal ppl bc they genuinely think the suicide-baiter is suicidal, which they may be, idk, but I do think they're quite depressed)​

i have no idea why ppl fall for it (unless ur like a minor) since 99.9% ppl who are like "if u dont stay i'll kill myself" never do, but i completely don't understand why anybody would suicide bait with no intention of suicide. like, just become a better person so they have an incentive to stay or find another victim to leech attention off of?

idk, and I'm not gonna speak with a definitive opinion without anecdotal input. what're ur thoughts?

 

[auti]

It doesn't bother me that much since it's usually a sign that something deeper in going on. A healthy person doesn't threaten to kill themselves. That doesn't make it okay but in a way we are not so different. We are all desperate to make things work and some people just go about it in abusive manners. I don't want to excuse the behavior but I understand why it happens yk

 

[name2come]

I mean, I think this is one of those situations where its a good sign that you don't understand something. Threatening suicide to try to trap someone in a relationship is an abusive act. Now, I don't think that means there can't be room for nuance or empathy. Some people in those situations are being earnest and its not coming out of an intent to emotionally abuse someone but out of their own desperation. Nevertheless, where that has taken them is a deeply unfair and abusive place. Its also forseeable that this could come from a person who has been abused themselves. That's not a great reaction to abuse, but that does change the context. So, this isn't something I think we can universally condemn as a behavior even if we can step back and acknowledge that its never a good choice. Sometimes people make bad choices for understandable reasons.

But, sometimes people make bad choices because they are bad people. Recognizing context and nuance also shouldn't shield people who do this in very bad faith. There are absolutely people who do this knowing its a weapon in their arsenal to try to control someone with a lot more empathy than they have. I've found a lot of people just cannot comprehend that the other people in their lives are, well, people. They have this mentality that they are the only person who counts and everyone else in their orbit is only good to service their own wants and desires. Having empathy shouldn't oblige us to excuse the inexcusable. It just compels us to look for nuance and context, but that search may yet leave us wanting. Reducing the world to only shades of gray is as lacking in nuance as seeing the world only in black and white.

 

[dreamofnofuture]

It doesn't bother me that much since it's usually a sign that something deeper in going on. A healthy person doesn't threaten to kill themselves. That doesn't make it okay but in a way we are not so different. We are all desperate to make things work and some people just go about it in abusive manners. I don't want to excuse the behavior but I understand why it happens yk

ehhhh. idk. it bothers me pretty bad.

true, a healthy person wouldn't threaten to kill themselves but it makes ppl take suicidality less seriously or, maybe even worse, something to lose ur autonomy over (getting institutionalized) since now a person with relatively no control over themselves is exhibiting suicidality. now the general public (particularly ppl who have been on the receiving end of a suicide bait) think that lack of control and reason is intrinsic to suicidality and causes ppl to see suicide itself as irrational.

it's bothering from a pro-choice, pro-right to die POV.

just saying.

I mean, I think this is one of those situations where its a good sign that you don't understand something. Threatening suicide to try to trap someone in a relationship is an abusive act. Now, I don't think that means there can't be room for nuance or empathy. Some people in those situations are being earnest and its not coming out of an intent to emotionally abuse someone but out of their own desperation. Nevertheless, where that has taken them is a deeply unfair and abusive place. Its also forseeable that this could come from a person who has been abused themselves. That's not a great reaction to abuse, but that does change the context. So, this isn't something I think we can universally condemn as a behavior even if we can step back and acknowledge that its never a good choice. Sometimes people make bad choices for understandable reasons.

But, sometimes people make bad choices because they are bad people. Recognizing context and nuance also shouldn't shield people who do this in very bad faith. There are absolutely people who do this knowing its a weapon in their arsenal to try to control someone with a lot more empathy than they have. I've found a lot of people just cannot comprehend that the other people in their lives are, well, people. They have this mentality that they are the only person who counts and everyone else in their orbit is only good to service their own wants and desires. Having empathy shouldn't oblige us to excuse the inexcusable. It just compels us to look for nuance and context, but that search may yet leave us wanting. Reducing the world to only shades of gray is as lacking in nuance as seeing the world only in black and white.

there's definitely some level of trauma in someone who suicide baits.

most times I hear there rlly is no suicidality. depression, sure--i mean, being in the head of a person who suicide baits would be rlly fucking depressing. but no one with active suicidal intent will ever tell someone (who has a problem with it; every suicidal person automatically assumes ppl IRL will have a problem with it unless specified otherwise bc of the stigma) they'll kill themselves. they just do it.

ugh, ig I'm taking this too personally as someone who is suicidal and not mentally ill. just neurodivergent in a fucked up world. I just hate the stigma of suicide, I hate how we aren't seen as in control of ourselves. we're seen as sensitive, irrational, delusional. (selfish and abusive even.) if only we'd done more CBT!

and maybe i'm trying to understand why ppl abuse. bc at the heart of suicide baiting is emotional abuse whether someone is a bad person or not, yk? it's so fucking lame. it's one thing if someone is sadistic and cold-hearted but most ppl who abuse aren't.

 

[thelostautistic]

This is something that really bothers me because it's a really manipulative thing to do whether you have intention or not. I'm speaking as someone who has been on the receiving end of this from multiple people. One of the people had zero intention of ending their life. They said it for shock value and used it to guilt trip me and it worked. The other people did have intention so I had a bit more empathy. I'm no longer in contact with these people because they'd do it frequently and I couldn't deal with it whilst struggling myself. I understand that the people that do this are obviously going through something but that doesn't make it ok.

 

[Lost_Dawns]

ive seen it and people who fake it as just showing deeper issues. people who do these actions are likely do go through with it in the future. from what i have seen people who isolate randomly, either entirely or keeping contact with one or two people, are likely planning to ctb.

 

[dreamofnofuture]

ive seen it and people who fake it as just showing deeper issues. people who do these actions are likely do go through with it in the future. from what i have seen people who isolate randomly, either entirely or keeping contact with one or two people, are likely planning to ctb.

accurate. when I rlly feel on the verge, I will completely isolate, only talking to my mom rlly, and VSED. at least VSED is reversible and easier to hide than OD'd on my bed.​

This is something that really bothers me because it's a really manipulative thing to do whether you have intention or not. I'm speaking as someone who has been on the receiving end of this from multiple people. One of the people had zero intention of ending their life. They said it for shock value and used it to guilt trip me and it worked. The other people did have intention so I had a bit more empathy. I'm no longer in contact with these people because they'd do it frequently and I couldn't deal with it whilst struggling myself. I understand that the people that do this are obviously going through something but that doesn't make it ok.

good riddance. hope ur doing better and are healing from the abuse.

it's hard when ppl are dogpiling their issues to get something from you (favors, connection, attention, whatever it is) and don't help u with ur own.​

 

[alphabetsoupz]

It's a difficult topic to broach. If you threaten it for ulterior motive then obviously it's shitty- but that's just the thing, you never know if someone is serious or not.
If you're unwell enough to threaten it, who's to say you aren't unwell enough to follow through?

 

[overthrone]

if it's only for the attention and not a "cry for help" or a sign something deeper is going on, then it pisses me off super bad.
but it usually is a sign that they might actually be suffering and just havent come to terms with it yet

 

[c4di]

I've been on the receiving end of both this and someone faking suicide attempts, it definitely has nuance and no one does it when they're actually mentally well, but its still shitty even if they had understandable reasons. someone might do it because another person hurt them in one way or another and they want that person to realise that, to get attention for their mental problems regardless if they were suicidal or not, if they were unstable enough to think they'll actually do it in the moment, or they're an asshole who genuinely do it to manipulate someone else. it pisses me off anyway because then people would think anyone who mentions the topic of suicide is lying, i didn't get taken seriously when i seeked help for one of my suicide attempts because the medical staff believed i was faking it for attention just like those people, so i didn't get any treatment. it definitely doesn't help the stigma around suicide. but still, people on the receiving end should also understand that what they experienced isn't universal and not everyone who says they're suicidal is the same as the person who baited them