I simply tell myself I have to. I want to wait till my Dad goes first. There's no way I want to do that to him.
Although, that is because I feel like I can hold on for now. It won't be easy or pleasant but, I've also been through worse periods in my life so- that gives me strength. That, I made it through that, I ought to be able to hold on a while longer.
Plus, I try to find a balance between indulging myself and my lazyness: 'Go ahead, play a videogame all day long. You're doing well, just staying alive.' But, also knowing that I can't drop the ball completely. I'll still need to work hard to sustain myself until I don't need to anymore.
I suppose suicide is my golden carrot in a way. Except I hope I will actually catch up to it one day. It's a kind of promise to myself that I will indeed 'rescue' myself and pluck myself out of this life but, only at the right time when it will cause less pain to those left behind.