Venting How do I trust that people actually like me?

[author]

I'm anxious and I find myself genuinely annoying. I speak and I cringe at myself. Logically I know I'm probably not that bad but my anxiety is constantly clawing at the walls screaming in embarrassment for no reason. It makes me assume that nobody can actually really like me. I don't know why my friends stick around. They always tell me I'm fine, and sometimes I believe them, but the second I feel any pushback I feel like "oh, fuck, they hate me now" and I have to pull away. I don't ask for any reassurance or anything at that point I just kind of politely excuse myself to spiral alone. I know it's not good but I don't know what else to do, I keep replaying my mild mistake or embarrassment or rejection in my head and spiraling and if I ask for reassurance from them it's going to make it worse because that's an annoying thing to do according to my anxiety and if I'm annoying they'll definitely hate me (again, according to my anxiety).

I just don't know how to stop and trust that if my friends have been around this many years they're probably not going to be put off by me being mildly annoying once in a while.

 

[Apokryphiel]

You don't have to trust someone to like them. It's better to be safe than sorry; you should only trust someone when you know with certainty that you can. Do you?

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Same tbh. When I sense a friend has apathy towards the relationship, I pull away. Then I spend months wondering if I read the situation correctly.

 

[author]

You don't have to trust someone to like them. It's better to be safe than sorry; you should only trust someone when you know with certainty that you can. Do you?

I trust them in most things, I've known them for years, but for some reason I just still can't trust that they genuinely like me and aren't just being nice to me out of pity or politeness. It's like the one thing I can never seem to fully believe. I could be healthily married to someone someone for 50+ years and still go "you don't hate me, right?" and I'm pretty sure it's a me problem...

 

[iw2begone]

I trust them in most things, I've known them for years, but for some reason I just still can't trust that they genuinely like me and aren't just being nice to me out of pity or politeness. It's like the one thing I can never seem to fully believe. I could be healthily married to someone someone for 50+ years and still go "you don't hate me, right?" and I'm pretty sure it's a me problem...

I have this issue too, most of my anxiety comes from abandonment issues/trauma.

 

[bankai]

The ones that don't like you will leave. The ones that do will stay regardless of the issues. No human being is a walk in the park. We all come with issues. You, me, and everyone else. When something isn't really tolerable. Then the person who can't tolerate it will leave. So if your friends have been with you for a long time, that's a sign that they see there's more good than bad.

 

[Apokryphiel]

I trust them in most things, I've known them for years, but for some reason I just still can't trust that they genuinely like me and aren't just being nice to me out of pity or politeness. It's like the one thing I can never seem to fully believe. I could be healthily married to someone someone for 50+ years and still go "you don't hate me, right?" and I'm pretty sure it's a me problem...

Anxiety really sucks. I've known some of my friends for a long time, and I sometimes wonder if they even like me as well. That being said, I trust them. Even during temporary falling-outs, I've always trusted them with my secrets. Maybe you could just try to reassure yourself with logic when it comes to this sorta thing? That's all you really can do when it comes to something like anxiety. It's always gonna feed on the darkest parts of your mind, but it will never erase the fact that you have been friends for years.

 

[author]

I have this issue too, most of my anxiety comes from abandonment issues/trauma.

I think it's the same for me too. Sidenote but I really like your profile picture, Nimona is a great movie.

 

[iw2begone]

I think it's the same for me too. Sidenote but I really like your profile picture, Nimona is a great movie.

thank you, you're the first person to mention it I think. something about the image/betrayal in the film resonated with me

 

[ElTopo]

I trust them in most things, I've known them for years, but for some reason I just still can't trust that they genuinely like me and aren't just being nice to me out of pity or politeness. It's like the one thing I can never seem to fully believe. I could be healthily married to someone someone for 50+ years and still go "you don't hate me, right?" and I'm pretty sure it's a me problem...

I have the same thing. It's something that is rooted in our upbringing and the self doubt that is reinforced with past experiences. There's probably some way of fixing it though.
I think that at some degree you need to trust blindly, although it will hurt more if that trust is broken, I still can't bring myself to do it though

 

[usernamesarehard]

The ones that don't like you will leave. The ones that do will stay regardless of the issues. No human being is a walk in the park. We all come with issues. You, me, and everyone else. When something isn't really tolerable. Then the person who can't tolerate it will leave. So if your friends have been with you for a long time, that's a sign that they see there's more good than bad.

This is 100% true. Unless you're in some position of power where people HAVE to pretend to like you, if someone doesn't like you they'll just leave. Life's too short for people to put up with bull shit forever. And even if you met someone in an environment where they had to put up with you to a certain extent (ex. school) you'll both leave that environment at some point. So you'll know if that person actually liked you or not.