How do I stop screwing up?

[meetapple]

I generally have a bad relationship with society. I think it is because I think differently. I went to law school so I have a deeper understanding of certain issues. It seems that everyone else only understands conformity. By that I mean that their only understanding is to distrust that which is different. I am a nonconformist. I am not motivated by the prospect of conforming to be accepted. I had to go out today and I always start out with a lot of energy and well meaning and I have also been trying to be less dogmatic. However, I got incensed when an employee at a grocery store said something to me which i felt was unfair. I then started to remember what my psychiatrist has told me and that is that "feel bad only when you have taken someone's rights away". This is his way of saying that simple nonconformities aren't a wrong. This, while true affects my thinking in a way that it gives me weird thoughts. Then people in the store started saying things to try to bother me while in this nonconformist state of mind. I let this bother me for the rest of the outing. I then feel guilty that I didn't do my best. It seems I am on my own in this battle. I have to try to imitate others because no one will sure as hell try to understand my point of view.

 

[motel rooms]

I got incensed when an employee at a grocery store said something to me which i felt was unfair.

Then people in the store started saying things to try to bother me while in this nonconformist state of mind.

What did you do? You don't have to answer, obviously. Yes, sometimes you have to imitate other people because it makes everyday life much easier, we all have to do it

 

[meetapple]

What did you do? You don't have to answer, obviously. Yes, sometimes you have to imitate other people because it makes everyday life much easier, we all have to do it

It is difficult to describe but I will say this. I had thoughts that would have been considered embarrassing because I was following my psychiatrist's advice. It was as if I was thinking if I am responsible to others only if I take away one of their rights so then I don't have to pay attention to conforming my thoughts. Then some weird thoughts (such as me calling someone "baby") appear because I am no longer trying to conform. Then I actually need to pay attention to my thoughts to get them back to normal. Thus I appear guilty because I am ashamed that my strategy didn't work. I look guilty and people start to say out loud what they think I am thinking because they feel it is their job to punish me. I no longer have the defense that I might be nonconformist but I haven't taken away one of your rights. Now I have opened the door to discrimination for anything and everything.

 

[timf]

Social behavior has other dimensions besides just "right" and "wrong". Survival is a often an overlooked component. Temporary conformity can allow one to pass with less risk of adverse attention. This can be particularly important in groups.

A New York media personality once moved to rural New England. When revisiting New York, she was being interviewed by a media friend and asked what she had observed about her rural life. She answered that she had not appreciated the "self-life" of her words. Glib urbanity did not seem to play well in rural New England and it seems she was facing having to live with the consequences of her words much longer than she anticipated.