How do I go. The silence is deafening.

[can_ash_be_redeemed]

I'm 20 years old and have been suicidal since I was in early middle school. My brother was wildly abusive which my parents turned a blind eye to because his disrespect was the bigger priority for them. I felt unsafe in my home during all of my developmental years. I'm a bi Christian who grew up in a very conservative Christian household and it was always clear what my parents thought about "that kind of person." I keep close friends for around a year maximum before they get tired of me. Or else I fall in love with them and it ends the friendship. I almost took my life when I was 13 and I almost did again July 31 of this past year and I wanted to tonight. The problem is now that the same people who aren't in love with me the way I am with them or the ones who abused me are the same ones who I know feel guilty for how my passing would affect. One of my friends has told me that he would never move on and pointed out other people we know who wouldn't ever forgive themselves. I don't want to feel guilty, but every day has become misery. I'm on 40 mg of Lexapro at this point and I'm still so so tired of holding on. What do I do.

 

[Kennish]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I don't know what to tell you what you could do. That is up to yourself. But I understand your situation and mind about ctb. I am also suffering and has been since the teen years. I guess for some life is just harder then for others. And I hate that. The boredom is the worst. And having to get energy to do normal daily stuff.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. It can be dreadful to be in a hopeless situation. Only you know what is the best for yourself as it is your life and your decision. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.