How do I cope

[painoflife]

I dont know how I can make it through today (or more specifically tonight). Today marks 10 years since my life effectively ended, I was raped. Yes I was a bit messed up before that but that was managable and treatable, this is unbearable everyday. All advice I get is distract myself but the thoughts are still always there
I just dont know how to carry on and I honestly want it all over now.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry. I can't imagine how much pain you're going through.
What I'd suggest is to find a hobby to clear your mind and be able to think of something else. At least that's what I do so as not to remember my past and decrease my daily suicidal thoughts.

 

[painoflife]

What I'd suggest is to find a hobby to clear your mind and be able to think of something else.

Thanks for the suggestion. I do try and keep busy but find that my mind wont let me fully immerse in something so I always have bad thoughts

 

[Nymph]

Hobbies, crafty stuff to do with your hands like wire wrapped jewelry or something. Watch shows, movies, YouTube. Clean everything, paint your nails, benzos or weed. Bake, make food. Anything to get you busy. Of course there's bad ways like selfharm but obviously I don't recommend that. You just gotta be busy, it can be whatever. Just do anything to distract yourself. You can scream into the void lol.
I know it's hard, I've been struggling with similar things and it's hard to distract myself but these are some things I do. I love painting and crafty stuff

 

[Mongo]

painoflife...
'I am there with you. I was raped at 16.
I think of suicide several times per hour. Several dozen times per hour, pretty much since around 1988.
I'm tired. I'm about ready.

 

[Bigpink]

So sad if this awful thing were to define you.

 

[foxdie]

I dont know how I can make it through today (or more specifically tonight). Today marks 10 years since my life effectively ended, I was raped. Yes I was a bit messed up before that but that was managable and treatable, this is unbearable everyday. All advice I get is distract myself but the thoughts are still always there
I just dont know how to carry on and I honestly want it all over now.

I'm so sorry something that horrible happened to you, it's so unfair. When I can't stop my negative thoughts I like to play games and listen to a podcast. Double the distraction so more parts of my brain are being used at once. What type of things did you used to enjoy?

 

[painoflife]

Every day is a struggle to carry on but its even more difficult today. I had plans to end it today and still want to but trying to think rationally. Feel I have exhausted all options to recover so there isnt much left for me

 

[Nimbus]

What an awful 'anniversary' to have. Don't get me wrong, I definitely understand you'd never forget it. I hate that someone is able to cause such trauma to another human being and am sad that you're suffering so much. I hope you're able to find some sort escape from this pain, if it's possible. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Weary Soul]

I dont know how I can make it through today (or more specifically tonight). Today marks 10 years since my life effectively ended, I was raped. Yes I was a bit messed up before that but that was managable and treatable, this is unbearable everyday. All advice I get is distract myself but the thoughts are still always there
I just dont know how to carry on and I honestly want it all over now.

I am so very sorry this happened to you and that you are going through this.

This sounds like severe PTSD triggered by a specific time.

If the thoughts get too painful right now, I hope that you might be able to go to a hospital to get sedated until tomorrow (or until the trigger point, which seems to be the date, passes).

Hugs and much love to you. I understand what you are going through.

 

[painoflife]

Thanks for all the supportive messages, it means a lot to me. I always feel so insignificant.
I dont want to get through this anymore because the memories will never go away. I have tried hanging many times previously and tried SN but the taste was so bad for me that it came back up straight away.
Police showed up at my door last night for welfare check (due to me not replying to a friend I suspect) and they rang ambulance who stayed 3 hours until an AMHP told them to leave and they will try and sort something tomorrow for me. Been passed between home treatment and the AMHP several times today and waiting to see if they are going to let me do voluntary inpatient (if not I would get sectioned and dont want that).
It would help in the short term stopping me CTB I guess but in the long term nothing can fix me and I know that.
I felt terrible taking up the time of the emergency services, they have much better things to do helping people who want to be alive.
I feel so weak like I need to be braver and stronger and just end it, there is no doubt for me that it will end by my own hands but I just dont know when. I am sorry

 

[Bigpink]

Thanks for all the supportive messages, it means a lot to me. I always feel so insignificant.
I dont want to get through this anymore because the memories will never go away. I have tried hanging many times previously and tried SN but the taste was so bad for me that it came back up straight away.
Police showed up at my door last night for welfare check (due to me not replying to a friend I suspect) and they rang ambulance who stayed 3 hours until an AMHP told them to leave and they will try and sort something tomorrow for me. Been passed between home treatment and the AMHP several times today and waiting to see if they are going to let me do voluntary inpatient (if not I would get sectioned and dont want that).
It would help in the short term stopping me CTB I guess but in the long term nothing can fix me and I know that.
I felt terrible taking up the time of the emergency services, they have much better things to do helping people who want to be alive.
I feel so weak like I need to be braver and stronger and just end it, there is no doubt for me that it will end by my own hands but I just dont know when. I am sorry

I really hope you get the peace you seek.

 

[Miss_Takes]

Possibly a silly question but have you had PTSD specific treatment?
PTSD therapy by an experienced therapist who isnt afraid of and acknowledges the potential benefits of desensitisation as opposed to avoidance/ distraction ... and it is hard find someone who doesnt cross over more than necessary due to their own fear based or experiential issues I know.

 

[painoflife]

Possibly a silly question but have you had PTSD specific treatment?

No I haven't. I just keep getting told I am on waiting lists for x,y,z therapy but 18 months on I have not recieved any real help

 

[Miss_Takes]

Ahhh ... its a shame the Mental Health system is so unwell in itself.
I am sorry youre having to go through the trauma of having to be in a system that is unable to cope and therefore unable to attempt to 'help'.
Please know that you are thought of even if just by a random strange person tonight.