LonelyPrince
Rotten to the Core
- Dec 12, 2025
- 38
When I feel slightly better I don't feel relieved but treathened.
I'm afraid that I'll trick myself into thinking that everything will be alright only to then end up distraught and disappointed.
Even when feeling somewhat okay I still actively think of suicide: researching quick and affordable methods that wouldn't leave me in agony.
I just dropped out of uni. The place made me feel even more miserable each passing day. This art academy heavily encouraged the use of ai and its professors were under qualified or just assholes.
Finding a job is also impossible as a fresh out of high school graduate: if you don't have relatives or friends that can put in a good word for you then you can forget about finding work. Being phisically weak plus mentally unstable doesn't help me in securing a job either: last time I actually landed one I had to quit due to almost passing out on my shift and barely being able to function due to constant stress and anxiety plus my depression.
I'm starting to consider looking for remote jobs online but I have no idea how all that shit works. All that I know is that most remote jobs seem to only accept people from the US.
Also, in my country it's heavily discouraged to move out of your family's house right after turning an adult since studies are seen as the priority, therefore people study and stay at their parents house all throughout university.
Most people stay in their parents house till 30 before moving out.
I really don't want to end up like that. I'd rather ctb than see that happen. Ever since I was a kid I just wanted to get out of this shithole, but it seems that my mental state plus the environment around me heavily discourage me into actually reaching independence and moving on.
I feel like the world just wasn't made for some people. Well, rather than world I'd say "society". They pretend to be all inclusive by making these useless social services that in the end help nobody. Nobody actually gives af. It's just all scripted and nobody shows actual empathy. The only fucking reason why suicide prevention exists its because people are so afraid of death and believe it's the worst thing to happen to someone when clearly it doesn't seem to be the case in my eyes anymore.
I apologize if this all seemed like incoherent rambling. I'm not the best at putting my feelings to words..it's hard. I wish people could just take a look inside my mind to actually understand what I mean when I express my thoughts, for I only think in images.
I'm afraid that I'll trick myself into thinking that everything will be alright only to then end up distraught and disappointed.
Even when feeling somewhat okay I still actively think of suicide: researching quick and affordable methods that wouldn't leave me in agony.
I just dropped out of uni. The place made me feel even more miserable each passing day. This art academy heavily encouraged the use of ai and its professors were under qualified or just assholes.
Finding a job is also impossible as a fresh out of high school graduate: if you don't have relatives or friends that can put in a good word for you then you can forget about finding work. Being phisically weak plus mentally unstable doesn't help me in securing a job either: last time I actually landed one I had to quit due to almost passing out on my shift and barely being able to function due to constant stress and anxiety plus my depression.
I'm starting to consider looking for remote jobs online but I have no idea how all that shit works. All that I know is that most remote jobs seem to only accept people from the US.
Also, in my country it's heavily discouraged to move out of your family's house right after turning an adult since studies are seen as the priority, therefore people study and stay at their parents house all throughout university.
Most people stay in their parents house till 30 before moving out.
I really don't want to end up like that. I'd rather ctb than see that happen. Ever since I was a kid I just wanted to get out of this shithole, but it seems that my mental state plus the environment around me heavily discourage me into actually reaching independence and moving on.
I feel like the world just wasn't made for some people. Well, rather than world I'd say "society". They pretend to be all inclusive by making these useless social services that in the end help nobody. Nobody actually gives af. It's just all scripted and nobody shows actual empathy. The only fucking reason why suicide prevention exists its because people are so afraid of death and believe it's the worst thing to happen to someone when clearly it doesn't seem to be the case in my eyes anymore.
I apologize if this all seemed like incoherent rambling. I'm not the best at putting my feelings to words..it's hard. I wish people could just take a look inside my mind to actually understand what I mean when I express my thoughts, for I only think in images.
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