Venting Hesitation

[laserpunk]

So I've been seriously considering the SN method, as it seems the most reliable with the least amount of risks. My only hesitations come from my body being found. I have to do it at home, although I don't think I'll be caught if I do it at midnight and don't make too much noise. I'm just worried about my mom seeing my body. I've had thoughts of offing myself for years now, but I've always had something to distract myself up until this point. Part of me is scared to do it, but when I think of the alternatives it's also just as scary. I guess i'm just stuck.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Can you not get a hotel room?

 

[laserpunk]

Can you not get a hotel room?

unlikely. I also don't feel comfortable anywhere outside of my home. I thought about putting a sign above my bed or changing my method to jumping (which is preferred) but i'm scared of the risks and don't think there's any good places to do it near by.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Alternatively delayed email at a time where you will be alone at home (if there is such a time). Also tent and delayed mail is something I thought about. You could also bury yourself into a sleeping bag and put a warning sign next to it (yeah low probability that anyone will care).

edit: was typing as you wrote your last reply
.
Edit2: another possible way would be make up

 

[laserpunk]

Alternatively delayed email at a time where you will be alone at home (if there is such a time). Also tent and delayed mail is something I thought about. You could also bury yourself into a sleeping bag and put a warning sign next to it (yeah low probability that anyone will care).

edit: was typing as you wrote your last reply
.
Edit2: another possible way would be make up

I'm rarely ever alone at home, since my mom works remotely. That's why I planned to do it at midnight, since usually i'm uninterrupted up until at least the morning. I'd have to wait until she went on a business trip (which could be months) that way it's only be her boyfriend to eventually find me.

 

[Indieblue]

Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Really don't want to sound pressuring, but I would have a good hard think about this. My mom found me dead after an apparent heroin OD (it was intentional), it shouldn't have happened and I forgot she had a key to the place, she was in the area and stopped by, cpr'd me until the paramedics arrived around 5 mins later still on the phone, her blood pressure raised and she was shaken until she passed peacefully. Like I was dead-dead, blue lips, no pulse/breath.

I urge you to try and think of somewhere else but will respect your wishes if you tell me to screw off!

 

[AlreadyGone]

I do not want to encourage suicide, but I will say that there have been other members on this forum who ctb using SN with family in the house and have been successful.

 

[mesohappy]

Really don't want to sound pressuring, but I would have a good hard think about this. My mom found me dead after an apparent heroin OD (it was intentional), it shouldn't have happened and I forgot she had a key to the place, she was in the area and stopped by, cpr'd me until the paramedics arrived around 5 mins later still on the phone, her blood pressure raised and she was shaken until she passed peacefully. Like I was dead-dead, blue lips, no pulse/breath.

I urge you to try and think of somewhere else but will respect your wishes if you tell me to screw off!

When you say "her blood pressure raised and she was shaken until she passed peacefully" you mean she passed away from finding you?

 

[Deleted member 14386]

When you say "her blood pressure raised and she was shaken until she passed peacefully" you mean she passed away from finding you?

Oh no, just that it was something she had to deal with right til the end many years later, she ended up being on blood pressure medication (from an undiagnosed illness) then had (I think) unrelated problems after, I couldn't help but think I was the trigger though

 

[Melkus2020]

Outside in a remote park? Maybe watching the starry night before you go. Not encouraging you though. But that's how I want to go.

 

[one4all]

Part of me is scared to do it, but when I think of the alternatives it's also just as scary. I guess i'm just stuck.

Welcome to the forum. As you may see you're not the only with those fears. If you are not fully ready to go through with it. Maybe it is just not your time yet.
Peopl