Help me please!!!!!!

[john273726161]

I really wanna ctb but I'm just too much of a coward to do it. I start looking up methods and never follow through. I wanna go so badly, I've no reason to live but I just can't make myself do it :( is there any easy way to do it? please help me :(

 

[Wrennie]

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle, friend. It's the same for me as well. I want to die and have the means to do so but a part of me fears chickening out last minute, and then the resulting medical expenses if I end up unsuccessful.

In the end CTBing is a decision that carries a ton of weight, so it cannot be made lightly. We just have to hold out hope that we'll instinctively know when it's truly our time to go.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Nobody here can help you to ctb John, there are plenty of people who will lend an ear though, if you want to get things off your chest. Maybe you'd like to tell us something about how you found yourself here, and what your hurry to leave is about?

 

[john273726161]

Nobody here can help you to ctb John, there are plenty of people who will lend an ear though, if you want to get things off your chest. Maybe you'd like to tell us something about how you found yourself here, and what your hurry to leave is about?

I've just emotionally been a wreck due to a few bad decisions I've made in the last few months that have effected me and the people around me. I feel awful about it and I'm overcome with guilt for putting my loved ones through a hard time

 

[Meditation guide]

I've just emotionally been a wreck due to a few bad decisions I've made in the last few months that have effected me and the people around me. I feel awful about it and I'm overcome with guilt for putting my loved ones through a hard time

Hi, it sounds like you aren't ready. Your guilt over your loved ones will fade in time and might not be the end of the world.

 

[john273726161]

Hi, it sounds like you aren't ready. Your guilt over your loved ones will fade in time and might not be the end of the world.

I hope so but rn it just feels like it will never go away I've screwed up so much in what was a pretty perfect life and I feel like an idiot I've destroyed opportunities for myself and made things so hard for me and most of all my family and I just don't even feel like I'm the same person I was even a few months ago

 

[john273726161]

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle, friend. It's the same for me as well. I want to die and have the means to do so but a part of me fears chickening out last minute, and then the resulting medical expenses if I end up unsuccessful.

In the end CTBing is a decision that carries a ton of weight, so it cannot be made lightly. We just have to hold out hope that we'll instinctively know when it's truly our time to go.

Yes I am the same! I'm most scared of attempting and not completing it. And being left with awful consequences for the rest of my life

 

[CatabolicSeed]

If you can't bring yourself to do it then you're not ready yet / don't want it bad enough. This is completely fine.

 

[Wrennie]

Yes I am the same! I'm most scared of attempting and not completing it. And being left with awful consequences for the rest of my life

That's a totally valid fear. Supposedly SN is the most forgiving method as far as long-term consequences go, but I personally can't help but feel as though I'd be the first person to become afflicted with some form of permanent sequelae from it since that's the trend my life tends to follow, lol.

 

[john273726161]

If you can't bring yourself to do it then you're not ready yet / don't want it bad enough. This is completely fine.

This is what I don't understand about how I feel. I really do want to ctb but I'm just such a coward I feel like I won't be able to compete it. For me it's not a fear of dying its the fear of not dying after my attempt

That's a totally valid fear. Supposedly SN is the most forgiving method as far as consequences go, but I personally can't help but feel as though I'd be the first person to become afflicted with some form of permanent sequelae from it since that's the trend my life tends to follow, lol.

Yes I feel the exact same

 

[grungeCat]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much but...
keep in mind that it's entirely your choice. Nobody's gonna encourage you to ctb. It's the final solution and you can't do it if you don't feel like it. You have to give yourself time. I have means to off myself peacefully yet I'm also scared. I'm not ready yet. I don't know why as well.

 

[john273726161]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much but...
keep in mind that it's entirely your choice. Nobody's gonna encourage you to ctb. It's the final solution and you can't do it if you don't feel like it. You have to give yourself time. I have means to off myself peacefully yet I'm also scared. I'm not ready yet. I don't know why as well.

I've no means to do it and that is also what makes it so hard I live in a rural area and I don't drive, I don't have much money and we don't keep guns or anything like that and I live with family so they'll question if I order stuff online so it's just impossible:(

 

[CatabolicSeed]

This is what I don't understand about how I feel. I really do want to ctb but I'm just such a coward I feel like I won't be able to compete it. For me it's not a fear of dying its the fear of not dying after my attempt

Yes I feel the exact same

I am wrestling with that too. After my last (very horrible) psych ward experience I am TERRIFIED of going back. But I have finally reached the point where my desire to CTB outweighs my fear of being committed again. You just haven't reached the point where your desire outweighs your fear. There is little you can do to speed this process up. You just need to wait for it to happen.

 

[john273726161]

I am wrestling with that too. After my last (very horrible) psych ward experience I am TERRIFIED of going back. But I have finally reached the point where my desire to CTB outweighs my fear of being committed again. You just haven't reached the point where your desire outweighs your fear. There is little you can do to speed this process up. You just need to wait for it to happen.

Yes I totally get that :(

 

[Lastsauce]

3.Think of the devastation that my CTB would cause my loved ones. Suicide causes loss survivors to take their lives.

This is counterproductive to a really suicidal persons as it increases stress and negative thought loops.

 

[WornOutLife]

Help me too! The only methods I've tried are partial and OD with random pills.
Of course, I failed.

 

[paininme]

It's the biggest decision you will ever make so it's ok to be scared, question things, change your mind a thousand times and even cling to a slight hope things will change I feel the same I want too but something always stops me just try not to be so hard on yourself it's not easy feeling this way a lot of different emotions come with it

 

[Indicus]

This is counterproductive to a really suicidal persons as it increases stress and negative thought loops.

Your reply says you would rather encourage suicide.
He wants help.
I have been through it all and am the living example that it works every time for every one, brings peace and positivity.

 

[Spitfire]

We all go through such situations. I have several times. Majority are able to cope but some can't. Why is that? Well, bright individuals like yourself are sensitive to external stimuli and hence start to perseverate or dwell on unpleasant events. If thoughts are not reset by professional therapy, they can become unmanageable, which I know first hand.
CTB is not the solution to any negative life situation but CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is. Please, get in touch with a therapist who specializes in suicide prevention and administers CBT, etc. What city are you in?
Meanwhile, this is what my therapist advised me to do when I had these impulses:
1.Speak to a mature, trustworthy friend/relative about your CTB plans. This will provide you with an outlet to lessen your burden.
2.Dip my face in ice water to shock primitive part of the brain.
3.Think of the devastation that my CTB would cause my loved ones. Suicide causes loss survivors to take their lives.
You also must talk to a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds to help your brain to reset.
Suicide is NEVER a solution. Biological death is a complex phenomenon. Science does NOT know if the transient pain that you are experiencing will go away after CTB.
Best wishes for a long and healthy life.

I don't know? You said suicide is never a solution... Do you know what forum you are currently posting on?

 

[Indicus]

I don't know? You said suicide is never a solution... Do you know what forum you are currently posting on?

Certainly.
I have the same fears as OP.
"Suicide is never a solution" is my experience and is the way out when I struggle with SI.
Rather than taking a chance and ending up in a vegetative or confined to a psych ward, I err on the side of safety.
Hope you'll respect my difficulties.
.

 

[Emily_Numb]

I honestly think if anyone wanted to 'go so badly', they would.
you aren't ready. Stop pressuring yourself and find another way to process your hurt, frustration and anguish, CTB isn't it for you right now.