Hello everyone! I've been lurking for a couple weeks and I thought I should introduce myself and write a bit as to why I'm here. I'm 39, M, living in eastern Canada. I've been struggling with mental and physical health issues most of my life. Having an abusive father and being heavily bullied at school didn't help, but I'm getting tired of trying to figure out why I'm so fucked up. Still, I kept busy and sinverelt tried to get better until I finally made my first serious attempt to ctb at age 26, overdosing on several meds. Almost died on my hospital bed, but my girflfriend at the time figured things out pretty fast and called the ambulance.
Things started to get better in my early 30s. Things were pretty amazing until my health worsened when I was 32. Generalized reactived arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto's disease... My immune system got out of control and made my life hell. I think it's ironic that my own body is killing me after wanting to die for so long.
It's been downhill since. Then I have practically no friends. I sleep all the time. Everything hurts. I have to follow an extremely restrictive diet to control my condition. I'm depressed, tired, sad, scarred, angry, suicidal. I fail at everything I attempt to achieve. I feel useless, inferior and alone. While I did manage to find a good job and partner, I'm constantly scared of losing it all. All of this is not easy to deal with for her and I can barely do my job anymore. My doctors don't give a shit about me, like the rest of the world, it seems, maybe it's time I stop giving a shit too.
The only reason I have to keep fighting is my partner. I honestly don't know how long I'll manage to hold out.
Things started to get better in my early 30s. Things were pretty amazing until my health worsened when I was 32. Generalized reactived arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto's disease... My immune system got out of control and made my life hell. I think it's ironic that my own body is killing me after wanting to die for so long.
It's been downhill since. Then I have practically no friends. I sleep all the time. Everything hurts. I have to follow an extremely restrictive diet to control my condition. I'm depressed, tired, sad, scarred, angry, suicidal. I fail at everything I attempt to achieve. I feel useless, inferior and alone. While I did manage to find a good job and partner, I'm constantly scared of losing it all. All of this is not easy to deal with for her and I can barely do my job anymore. My doctors don't give a shit about me, like the rest of the world, it seems, maybe it's time I stop giving a shit too.
The only reason I have to keep fighting is my partner. I honestly don't know how long I'll manage to hold out.
