Hello, I am looking to say Goodbye.

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

Hello everyone, I am new here and I could use some advice. I grew up in a terrible environment with abusive parents who were in a cult basically and caused me immense trauma that would fuck me up for the rest of my life. From this, I have anxiety, depression, attachment issues, enmeshment trauma, OCD, PTSD, and possibly borderline personality disorder, all undiagnosed officially, but I have seen five therapists and been to three mental hospitals and I can say from experience that the system is a joke. What really has brought me here is my breakup. I had made this girl my idol and poured my soul into this relationship for the last year. My whole identity was attached to her and I can't take the pain of being without her anymore. I attempted to hang myself via partial suspension in a shed two days ago over this and failed after I briefly blacked out because I was scared, now I am plagued by migraines. I am interested in possibly waiting to the point that I can get a dog who will be euthanized so that maybe I will have someone to die with. To accomplish this I may use the detergent method by mixing chemicals in a car or the shed again and then inhaling the fumes, I would appreciate everyone's thoughts on this method. I am so tired of suffering and seeing the suffering of other people and animals. I quit my job today at the Walmart deli because I don;'t have it in me to mutilate these poor creatures anymore. I also can't accept the impermanence of reality and the fact that promises are worthless. Thank you all for reading this and replying if you could find it in you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not know anything about that method as, I have never considered it, but I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. Living really is so painful and it sounds so awful what you have to endure. Life is just so cruel and unfair and I am horrified by all the pain that exists in this world. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[fillthevoid]

Hey. I am self diagnosed as BPD too. I totally get you. I too have made my boyfriend my idol but I mean so little to him. I wish he loved me to the same level that you love your girl. And vice versa I wish I could inject my passion for my man into your girl. I feel you, on the animal thing too. I don't want to say too much about myself here. But we are disgraceful to animals on this planet and I totally understand you quitting. You are a fucking hero for having that compassion to see that. Much love to you. I know the pain you're in. I feel you so bad. I'm so sorry.