hellish life

[Forgiveme]

Hello!
Is there anyone else, who is so burn-out and depressed, that literally can't do anything else all day but thinking and browsing suicide relatings stuff on the internet? A year ago i told myself that i can't be here more than 8months like that.. i was like ,,how people can go like that for years?"
Okay i might have not that big problems as others, but who cares?
Having an Idea that "me" could have been "incarnated" to another people with their fucking problems make my feelings even worse...
Like i KNOW there are BILIONS of people suffering as fuck becouse of cold, hunger and other diseases, but it just shows me how this world is cruel and wanna me more to get out.
But i know that "good times" are not coming, becouse there isn't anything like good times. There is only suffering and slavetory system around us.


Guys, i know that my people will be depresed becouse of my suicide, but you know...

we are all "selfish" afterall and i have been fighting for too long already..

 

[Deleted member 23885]

Today was a hard day for me. I got all kinds of negative & disturbing thoughts while watching a light-hearted tv show. Life is full of suffering & I empathise with you 100%
Because I have no access to foolproof suicide methods, I'm likely stuck here until I die of natural causes. I don't have your determination to commit suicide. Still, wish you all the best on your path to recovery or ctb.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I was in your shoes until some days ago.

I just said to myself: "STOP IT!!! IF YOU'RE SO DOWN CTB RIGHT NOW! YOU CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS. YOU'LL GO MAD FOR REAL"

And seeing that I couldn't, I decided to start working out (the first days were hell but now it's easier to do it) and it seems it's somehow helping.

Still, there's a vice which helps me to supress depression too, alcohol. The thing is, I'm even more suicidal during the hangovers.

 

[Forgiveme]

Yes, I was in your shoes until some days ago.

I just said to myself: "STOP IT!!! IF YOU'RE SO DOWN CTB RIGHT NOW! YOU CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS. YOU'LL GO MAD FOR REAL"

And seeing that I couldn't, I decided to start working out (the first days were hell but now it's easier to do it) and it seems it's somehow helping.

Still, there's a vice which helps me to supress depression too, alcohol. The thing is, I'm even more suicidal during the hangovers.

I did that also few months ago, i went to another country, i had a good job, went vegan and started working out..
I listened to motivational videos and bullshit, had a good 3 months when i wasn't suicidal at all. i actually enjoyed my being here, i was "aware" and was enjoying the moment.But i went totally broke and people hated my happy side.
And yee I want to have a good connections, but they love me only when i'm depressed... Fucking people..

 

[Deleted member 23885]

Yes, I was in your shoes until some days ago.

I just said to myself: "STOP IT!!! IF YOU'RE SO DOWN CTB RIGHT NOW! YOU CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS. YOU'LL GO MAD FOR REAL"

And seeing that I couldn't, I decided to start working out (the first days were hell but now it's easier to do it) and it seems it's somehow helping.

Still, there's a vice which helps me to supress depression too, alcohol. The thing is, I'm even more suicidal during the hangovers.

Sometimes i wonder if ctb would end my problems (on my bad days). I have dark thoughts at the back of my mind. I'm looking into Buddhism for more insight.