having a phase again

[KiraComplex]

le suicidé

for the longest stretch of time i was happy. everyday i was thinking about killing myself but in such a happy way. i was so fine. i dont know what happened. i just suddenly crashed.

i was thinking to myself, it costs so little to be nice to people. in fact, its entirely fucking free. i look at other people and theyre happy with friend groups and buddies theyve had since middle school. i cant keep a friend for more than a year. they just become assholes and leave.

a gun shot is the most beautiful way to go. blood seeping out my nose like a waterfall, all over clean white tile. brains on the stovetop mixed with yesterday's macaroni. i think ill do it with my stepdads gun.

 

[WornOutLife]

I think I get what you mean.
In my case, it was very easy to "attract" friends and people because I was a social and charismatic guy.
Then, I got away from them because I just got fed up with pretending.

About the gunshot, I'm seriously thinking about doing it. Who knows...

Anyway, wish you the best and send you lots of hugs.

 

[KiraComplex]

I think I get what you mean.
In my case, it was very easy to "attract" friends and people because I was a social and charismatic guy.
Then, I got away from them because I just got fed up with pretending.

About the gunshot, I'm seriously thinking about doing it. Who knows...

Anyway, wish you the best and send you lots of hugs.

wish u the best hon.

when u need friends the most they aint there or dont exist...

 

[jokesonme22]

I also think a gunshot would be beautiful. I love blood. I understand the friend thing. I always thought it was the other people that destroyed the friendship. But it turns out it's me. I either become annoying and overbearing or cold and distant. I feel obligated to ruin everything I've had. It becomes an obsession..I become extremely irritating to "prove" to myself that they care(if they put up with me they must care, right?) Or I pull away to see if they try to "get me back." I'm always disappointed but I can't stop doing it. I'm pathetic.
Not to say it's your fault they become assholes of course. I'm just commenting on my situation, sorry if that was unclear.

 

[KiraComplex]

I also think a gunshot would be beautiful. I love blood. I understand the friend thing. I always thought it was the other people that destroyed the friendship. But it turns out it's me. I either become annoying and overbearing or cold and distant. I feel obligated to ruin everything I've had. It becomes an obsession..I become extremely irritating to "prove" to myself that they care(if they put up with me they must care, right?) Or I pull away to see if they try to "get me back." I'm always disappointed but I can't stop doing it. I'm pathetic.
Not to say it's your fault they become assholes of course. I'm just commenting on my situation, sorry if that was unclear.

i feel u. i used to be like that but i realized how toxic it was,,, when i fixed myself it was already too late.

 

[jokesonme22]

i feel u. i used to be like that but i realized how toxic it was,,, when i fixed myself it was already too late.

Yes, I'm on my way there. I know it's extremely toxic but my brain won't let me stop. I have a bunch of other issues on top of that of course. I become insanely obsessive over people to the point that I won't stop until I get what I want(afterwards I'm bored) or they hate me.

 

[KiraComplex]

Yes, I'm on my way there. I know it's extremely toxic but my brain won't let me stop. I have a bunch of other issues on top of that of course. I become insanely obsessive over people to the point that I won't stop until I get what I want(afterwards I'm bored) or they hate me.

i totally get it. as long as you know its toxic then youre already half way there

 

[WornOutLife]

wish u the best hon.

when u need friends the most they aint there or dont exist...

Ty darling! You're so right!

 

[Sherri]

View attachment 57489
le suicidé

for the longest stretch of time i was happy. everyday i was thinking about killing myself but in such a happy way. i was so fine. i dont know what happened. i just suddenly crashed.

i was thinking to myself, it costs so little to be nice to people. in fact, its entirely fucking free. i look at other people and theyre happy with friend groups and buddies theyve had since middle school. i cant keep a friend for more than a year. they just become assholes and leave.

a gun shot is the most beautiful way to go. blood seeping out my nose like a waterfall, all over clean white tile. brains on the stovetop mixed with yesterday's macaroni. i think ill do it with my stepdads gun.

Beautiful painting.