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Grausamkeit

Grausamkeit

Member
Nov 6, 2024
8
I left this site for a while. Because i found meaning. I found a partner who saw everything they way i did too. He seriously felt real, almost everyone else seems fucking unreal to me. Everything in this world feels unreal to me. He was literally gave me a will to live.
Hes dead now. He killed himself by jumping, whilst i fell asleep. I didnt even know. There was no warning signs, nothing. I woke up fucking excited to spend time with him. I woke up so fucking happy, and excited to talk to him. Then i found out he fucking died. Hes gone, like actually gone. I still cant get my head around this, it all feels fucking unreal, yet its real. I cant beleive this. We had a good relationship, everytime we argued we just got closer. The only thing i can do now is cope and pretend hes still alive. Thats all i can do. I text his number pretending hes reading them, even though hes dead.
I have lost everything, i didnt have anything anyways. I was set on dying before him, and when i met him i genuinely felt id never return to this.

Why did you have to die, you coulve just talked to me. you know i do everything i can for you. So why leave me like that. No warning signs nothing, you shoulve fucking spoke to me.
You left me here you alone fucking liar. U said u werent gonna leave so why break ur promise?

Anyways, all this progress i made is all gone. All my efforts to nothing. I gave up so much. I gave up everything for that guy.
I promised him id also kill myself if he leaves, because i have nothing else anyways. I wont break my promise. So im planning on jumping.
ily
 
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Grausamkeit

Grausamkeit

Member
Nov 6, 2024
8
I love you nikolai
I'll attempt tomorrow, I wanted to stream my suicide but I don't have anyone to stream it to lol
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
13,726
I'm so sorry for your loss. Life is such a shitty rollercoaster sometimes. Did he leave you a note- may I ask?
 
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myriapoda

myriapoda

happy birthday!
Jun 24, 2025
12
I love you nikolai
I'll attempt tomorrow, I wanted to stream my suicide but I don't have anyone to stream it to lol
you can set up a camera and not turn it on if it gives you any comfort.
 
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just_a_guy

just_a_guy

thispersondoesnotexist
Oct 27, 2023
177
I'm so sorry you're going through this shitty time. He must've been in a lot of pain, just like you are now. I don't know if suicide is the answer for you, but I don't think you should CTB just to honour a promise.
 
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woodlandcreature

woodlandcreature

tired | they/it | feel free to reach out
Apr 3, 2024
207
i'm so so sorry. i wish i could say something comforting, but as someone who's gone through something similar, i'm really not sure of anything that could ease this pain. i'm sorry; life is so cruel–so painful.
 
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Grausamkeit

Grausamkeit

Member
Nov 6, 2024
8
I'm so sorry you're going through this shitty time. He must've been in a lot of pain, just like you are now. I don't know if suicide is the answer for you, but I don't think you should CTB just to honour a promise.
I have no more reason to live anyways. It's not just to honour a promise.
 
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