Venting Hate SI, is it even real?

[metothemoon]

Soo f*cking hate SI. I just want to CTB. Tried partial (again) tonight. All planned out, notes written, good to go, but I just f*cking cant. I feel like such a coward and such a failure. All I want to do is cry rn. Why can't I just do it? I want all this to be over, I am so tired and cant take it anymore. So mad with myself. Makes me even wonder: is SI really a thing or something I make me to believe myself to not have to admit I cant commit?

 

[ma0]

SI is literally the one thing preventing me from CTB'ing right this instant. I despise it so much.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

it's a real thing. you're not a "coward" you're a human.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

It's very real. For me it's the voice in the back of my head telling me to throw away my SN, or to get rid of the tools I am considering using as a way to hang myself. It's why CTB is so difficult at the end of the day. It has nothing to do with cowardice or bravery, so try not to beat yourself up about it!

 

[areyousafe??]

SI is so very real, and it tends to get stronger for me just before I attempt. I hope I can overcome SI in 2 weeks.

 

[Forveleth]

Do not beat yourself up over it. SI is very real. It is what leads people to outrun things they should not be able to or survive weeks without food/water. It is the most primal, deep rooted part of your brain and it will override everything else to keep you alive. It is very difficult to overcome.

SI is so very real, and it tends to get stronger for me just before I attempt.

I have found this to be true also. When I used to plan dates, I found the week or two beforehand I would start thinking "You know, maybe life is not so bad". it is interesting (and annoying) how the brain can start rewiring itself against your will to stay alive.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I just want to never suffer ever again as well, I wish there's the option to just choose to simply cease existing in peace. But anyway I wish you the best.