Hate being torn between life and death

[Beachedwhale]

One part of my brain really wants to die and another says things can maybe possibly change even though it will be much less than ideal.

Does anyone struggle with this?

 

[Busticket]

I feel the same.
Moving many times a day like a pendulum between life and death.

 

[western_heart]

Yes. I've worked thru a lot of trauma but it feels like more keeps coming... the pain changes but never fully goes away. I have improved my mental health a lot in the past year, but I still feel unable to change the material conditions of my life for the better. Sometimes, things will happen in my life and I'll get my hopes up for weeks or months but it doesn't last.

Eventually that cycle has to stop

 

[Scribble Fan]

Yes, I go through phases of wanting to live sometimes. They never last very long though. I'm just so sick of life and I want this cycle to end. I've given life enough chances and all that happens is my situation gets worse.

 

[FuneralCry]

Sometimes. I think it's because even know I don't want to exist anymore, taking our own lives is hard and requires courage, so I try to convince myself maybe is there a way I could get used to it and maybe be okay. It never lasts for long though. If there was an easy peaceful method I would go for it. Thoughts of dying are wired into my mind, I know I will never find peace from it. Many suicidal people are in a constant battle with their emotions, it is simply exhausting being conscious.

 

[lago]

One part of my brain really wants to die and another says things can maybe possibly change even though it will be much less than ideal.

Does anyone struggle with this?

I've been on that fence for 35 years - since my wedding day - the day she ripped off the mask and revealed the reptile behind it.